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Saturdiner #938037
01/31/14 07:58 PM
01/31/14 07:58 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,842
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,842
Calera, Oklahoma
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin
~~~~~~

Things Not To Say In Bed

1. But everybody looks funny naked!

2. You woke me up for that?

3. Did I mention the video camera?

4. Do you smell something burning?

5. Can you please try breathing through your nose.

6. A little rug burn never hurt anyone.

7. Darling, did you lock the back door?

8. But whipped cream makes me break out in a rash.

9. person 1: This is your first time...right? person 2: It is....... today

10. Can you pass me the remote control?

11. Do you accept Visa?

12. On second thoughts, let's turn off the lights.

13. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend.

14. So much for mouth-to-mouth

15. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...

16. Try not to smear my make-up, will you'?

17. But I just brushed my teeth...

18. Smile, you're on candid camera!

19. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs?!

20. I want a baby!

21. So much for the fulfilment of sexual fantasies!

22. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?

23. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?

24. When is this supposed to feel good?

25. Did I remember to take my pill?

26. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?

27. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow.

28. Did I tell you my aunt Martha died in this bed?

29. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.

30. No, really.. I do this part better myself.

31. This would be more fun with a few more people.

32. You're almost as good as my ex!

33. You look younger than you feel.

34. Perhaps you're just out of practice.

35. Now I know why she dumped you...

36. Does your husband own a sawn off shot-gun?

37. Have you ever considered liposuction?

38. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!

39. What are you planning to make for breakfast?

40. I'll tell you I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about..

41. Does this count as a date?

42. I think biting is romantic- don't you?

42. When would you like to meet my parents?

43. Have you seen "fatal attraction"?

44. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not to good with names.

45. Don't mind me... I always file my nails in bed.

46. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a doberman.

47. Sorry but I don't do toes.

48. You could at least act like you're enjoying it!

49. Keep the noise down, my mother is a light sleeper.

50. I've slept with more women than Casanova!

51. What's for dinner?
~~~~~~~~~


Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"

There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.

The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator.

"Wow," he said. "Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
~~~~~~~~~


A guy burned two ears... so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened.

He said, "I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang...so instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear..."

"But how the heck did you burn the other ear?" The doctor asked.

"I was calling an ambulance?"
~~~~~~~~


An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."
~~~~~~~~


Signs You Are Getting Old:

You find yourself listening to talk radio.

You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.

The pattern on your shorts and couch match.

You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.

You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.

You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.

You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.

You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.

When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.

When jogging is something you do to your memory.

Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.

All the cars behind you flash their headlights.

You remember the "Rolling Stones" as a rock group not a corporation.

You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son's new running shoes.

You actually ASK for your father's advice.

You don't know how to operate a fax machine.

When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a surf board.
~~~~~~~~~~

This little fella joins the lazaratian Monks order and takes a vow of silence. However, he's promised by the head Monk that he can speak two words per year.

After the first year the head Monk asks him his two words for the year.
He replies ... "More Blankets"

After his second year the head Monk asks him again his two words for the year.
He replies ... "More Food"

After the third year the head Monk asks him his two words for the year.
He replies ... "I'm Leaving"

The Head Monk says ... "Thank God...you've done nothing but complain since you got here!"
~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

You know, some things just do not mix well. shame

Like water and oil, gasoline and fire, my sister and any challenging task, and me and old age, to name a few. snicker

I just do not understand why we're so young and stupid at birth. pacify

I wonder what Albert Einstein was thinking when he was born.

"Let's see, what's that formula? E=MC2...Energy = Mama's Cowmilk X 2" slapforehead

Spell check doesn't like that word cowmilk. I wonder why. headscratch

Welcome to the weekend everyone. You must all be so very happy. dance

It's Monday for me. mad

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938058
01/31/14 09:08 PM
01/31/14 09:08 PM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,956
MaG Offline
Sonic Boomer
MaG  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,956
Thanks Joe!
What were you thinking when you were born? wink

Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938062
01/31/14 10:02 PM
01/31/14 10:02 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 78,096
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 78,096
In the Naughty Corner
Oh MaG, that is a loaded question! rotfl Do you really want Joe to answer that? grin

Joe, sorry it's Monday but you had a pretty good Sunday! hearts Have a happy day!

I will be in the corner and maybe a run to the club. It's going to be a very big corner weekend.

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #938078
02/01/14 02:17 AM
02/01/14 02:17 AM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner



Hi ya Jooe , Mag, & Ana wave

Hope everybody has a nice day blackkitty

stay warm & well Karen frenchie frenchie i love frenchies!


"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938079
02/01/14 03:11 AM
02/01/14 03:11 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Have all a wonderful day. smile happydance wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Saturdiner [Re: Haroula] #938081
02/01/14 04:16 AM
02/01/14 04:16 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Karen,Haroula,and all who arrive later waveLove the new doggie icons MaG frenchieCoffee is on wishing you all a happy day! lab


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938082
02/01/14 05:13 AM
02/01/14 05:13 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,136
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,136
Marlborough USA
blackkitty Good Morning Joe, MaG, Ana, Karen, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe hope your work day flies by. Mag I love the new kitty icons! Ana may your "corner" time be short and productive! Karen nice to see you in the dinner. You're always in my prayers. Haroula have a good day. Cailyn thanks for the coffee. I actually slept till almost 5AM! Wishing everyone a wonderful Saturday! blackkitty


Gerry
Re: Saturdiner [Re: Kaki's Sister] #938090
02/01/14 06:24 AM
02/01/14 06:24 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,842
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,842
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning all. wave

I'm off to work. Have a great day. thumbsup



MaG I was thinking; "SHUT THOSE LIGHTS OFF!!"

"Let's see, what time do I have to be at work??"

"I wonder what the weather will do today."

"I wish I had a little sister." evil

"OY! What's this stuff in my pants??" shocked

"Food....need food.....NEED SOME FOOD HERE PEOPLE!!"


joe wave


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938092
02/01/14 06:44 AM
02/01/14 06:44 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers.

Joe, you crack me up! rotfl

Mag, good morning and good day wished. Love the new icons. frenchie

Ana, hope your corner weekend runs smoothly. lab

Karen, nice to see you up to posting. Have a great day! yay

Haroula, happy day!

Sue, coffee is desperately needed this morning. Thanks!

Gerry, glad you had a good sleep. blackkitty

Wishing everyone here and everyone who will be here a wonderful weekend! kitty


Gail
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938098
02/01/14 07:32 AM
02/01/14 07:32 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 11,689
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 11,689
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. MaG, I love the new doggies and kitties. Ana, I hope your internet is fixed. Karen, it's good to see you in the diner. To all here and all that follow, have a Great Saturday. Foggy and wet here this morning. Danish, French Toast, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. lab blackkitty


Connie
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938105
02/01/14 09:29 AM
02/01/14 09:29 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 23,614
Unionville
manxman Offline
True Blue Boomer
manxman  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 23,614
Unionville
Good morning boomers. wave Thanks for the laughs Joe lol Hope everyone has a super Saturday cat


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938121
02/01/14 10:16 AM
02/01/14 10:16 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,103
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,103
Upper Arlington, Ohio
thumbsup on the getting old signs Joe. lol


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938126
02/01/14 10:43 AM
02/01/14 10:43 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,267
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,267
Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll lab

Hubby and I are bombing out of here to run errands so we can get back before son has to take off for work.

Doc, so happy to see ya wave

Will be back when we run out of money rotfl wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: looney4labs] #938130
02/01/14 11:03 AM
02/01/14 11:03 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 2,963
rural Oregon, USA
BeaSong Offline
Addicted Boomer
BeaSong  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 2,963
rural Oregon, USA
MaG, love the new doggies!
Have a great week end, y'all smile


B~
"Come Watson, the Game is afoot!"
www.tiotucan.com
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938136
02/01/14 11:39 AM
02/01/14 11:39 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,623
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,623
northern Wisconsin
lol Joe!! Thanks for the laughs! Hope work flies and goes well! Have a lovely day!

Howdy MaG have a lovely day!

Ana I hope that the corner will cut you some slack and start moving along for you! Enjoy the club! Have a lovely day! It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood........snowing but it is above that zero mark!!! happydance

Haroula have a lovely day!

Karen so glad to see you post!! HUGS!!

Sue thanks for the coffee. Have a lovely day!

Gerry did it feel good to sleep in?? Have a lovely day!

Gail have a lovely weekend. Enjoy a nice walk with the pups too!!

Connie hope hubby is doing OK! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Space enjoy the weekend. Have a lovely day!

L4l shoppity-shop!!!! lol

Hi Bea Have a lovely day!

Abbi day and she should be here soon!!!

wave
Nan

Re: Saturdiner [Re: auntiegram] #938138
02/01/14 11:56 AM
02/01/14 11:56 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,449
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,449
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and for the laughs! Hope work goes smoothly for you!

MaG, thank you for the new icons! frenchie

Karen, so good to see you posting! hearts

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938165
02/01/14 03:40 PM
02/01/14 03:40 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hi, everyone. wave I'm late again. lol A lot going on last night/this morning. I just found out my mom broke her leg, an experience I can relate to all too well. woozy Not fun at all, that's for sure. I'll be going to visit her tomorrow after work.

Karen, welcome back!

MaG, thanks for the new icons! blackkitty

As for now, I'm off to catch up on more posts. Hope everyone is having a great Saturday. winter


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938167
02/01/14 04:23 PM
02/01/14 04:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,267
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,267
Alabama
Ahhh, busy morning but got almost everything we went after. Ended up taking the Per along with us. He was very entertaining. Had a mix up about what time Son had to go to work so almost made him late.

Unloaded the car, then grabbed the doggies and went to the park. It is a totally gorgeous day out there. I was in shorts and t-shirt and was not the least bit chilly.

Hubby and Dogs and I did laps while the boys played. Nasty evil grouchy man was there. As we do to all, we said "Hi." He made it a point to look the other way like "I don't see you, I don't see you." So sad...must have a miserable life.

Then home to feed everyone, make smoothies. In a bit I'll head up to cook supper for tonight and get a jump on tomorrow's cooking. When my back yells "Uncle," I'll quit. Which is why dinner is going to be made first. lol

Venus, how did mom break her leg?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938173
02/01/14 06:55 PM
02/01/14 06:55 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,623
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,623
northern Wisconsin
I think that my train of thought has derailed. lol Waited and waited and no Abbi. Finally texted granddaughter only to find out that she didn't work this Saturday. Silly me!!!

L4l glad you made it back in time so son wasn't late. Poor man hope he finds something in life to smile at.

Oh venus poor mom! How on earth did that happen?? Prayers that it heals well and quickly for her.

Darlene enjoy the weekend. Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938175
02/01/14 07:28 PM
02/01/14 07:28 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,267
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,267
Alabama
Oh Goodness Nan, did you wait all day?

Very little Super Bowl prep done, but dinner is made and will be consumed shortly. Back has said "Enough" so after dinner I will up for a nice long soakie bath.

Will start cooking when I get up tomorrow rotfl Hope the game is fun!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938180
02/01/14 08:00 PM
02/01/14 08:00 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,821
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,821
San Diego, CA
I gave up on my insurance company for this week. They NEVER called me after they said they would by Wed night. Soooo I looked on the website and it had some advice. You could file with them OR you could file directly with the other person's company! I called the other company, was treated well, listened to, got 2 call backs as they promised and the guy is coming out Monday to take pictures of my car damage. Now why can't MY insurance company do that? Hopefully this will all turn out OK. Took one more look at those skid marks from the other gal so I could mark it on my satellite map picture. Turns out when she said 'I was already in the turn lane' she was lying. I transitioned into that lane way ahead of where her brakes were stomped on. Yup, and they curve at the beginning from almost outside the lane. Ha. She's definitely lying, or just deluded. Geez. I want my little dent fixed. Waaaaa.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938183
02/01/14 08:46 PM
02/01/14 08:46 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 78,096
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 78,096
In the Naughty Corner
WooHoo! I'm back! My internet went down and I've been going through withdrawal. We have so much snow here they are running out of places to put it. We had almost 60 inches so far this season with 41 since Jan 1st. I am sure that is what is causing havoc for them.

I took the dogs out and could not get in any of my 3 woods entrances because they plowed them in and then went to the dog park and realized I left my purse at home and my permit so ended up at the river. Merlin had a hard time and he was grumpy with other dogs.I hope he shakes it off.

Hope you all are enjoying your day! I have to get back to work. Tick-tock...


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938184
02/01/14 09:09 PM
02/01/14 09:09 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,267
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,267
Alabama
Awwww, Ana, sorry Merlin is having a hard time.

Dinner is dined (Chicken soft tacos), dishes are in the dishwasher, boys are in the bath tub, dogs are fed, and I'm heading up for my soak.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938185
02/01/14 09:21 PM
02/01/14 09:21 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
L4L and Nan, my mom fell down in the snow when she was walking down the driveway. sad My stepfather was in the house, and of course he couldn't hear her. Plus her cell phone turned out to be dead, so she had to crawl all the way up the driveway. Luckily, he finally noticed something was up and came out and was able to call the ambulance for her, as she said she wasn't going to make it into the car. Also, "luckily," if such a word can be applied, it was the bottom part of her leg. I broke my femur, and if that had happened to her, she wouldn't even have been able to crawl up the driveway. Still not a good thing, though. I'm going to visit her tomorrow after work. smile

Nan, thanks, hopefully she'll get attention soon. The doctor couldn't operate because her ankle was too swollen, so she has to wait for that, too. sad

Ana, sorry Merlin is getting stressed out. sad Hope he feels better soon.

Well, Thorsgoats and I are going to replay The Wolf Among Us episode one since episode 2 comes out on Tuesday. So, I think I will sign off for the night. grin

Hope everyone had a great day! Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #938186
02/01/14 09:57 PM
02/01/14 09:57 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 78,096
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 78,096
In the Naughty Corner
Venus, so sorry to hear about your mom.


Don't feed the Trolls
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