The Day Before Tuesday's Diner

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns
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The maid did not show up for work so the house wife called her in an angry voice and scolded her.

"What is wrong with you? If you were not to come you should have told me."

The Maid explained, “Ma’am I had already announced on my facebook page that I was taking a trip to Mexico for a week to see my family. Ma'am you should remain updated on Facebook. If you still had a question then you should have asked."

Wife: "So you are on Facebook too?"

Maid: "Ma’am who is not? Every time I announce on Facebook your husband sends me well wishes, sympathy and help. This time he said have a nice trip home, enjoy and comeback soon as I will miss you. He pleaded, please save me from my wife’s cooking."
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We got to a point in our relationship where she asked me for a reason for her to stay with me...

I told her I was like her handbag and that I complimented her shoes...

She said I never complimented her shoes...she was right, I never complimented her shoes. Her shoes were manure. So was her handbag...we broke up.
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The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient. "This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart."

The patient is pleased. He asks, "What were their jobs?"

"One was a teacher and the other was an accountant." "I'll take the accountant's heart," says the patient. "I want one that hasn't been used."
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A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.

'If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.'
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New Year's Resolutions for HIM and HER

Her - Lose weight / Go on a diet / Drink more water
Him - One case beer per weekend (unless having guys over or Superbowl weekend)

Her - ONLY one chocolate bar per week
Him - ONLY three nights at topless bar per week

Her - Workout - Jog/Step Bench 5 times week
Him - Move furniture to find lost little black book and bedroom TV remote

Her - Subscribe to Shape/Fitness Magazine
Him - Call 1-800 number to get on Victoria's Secret catalog mailing list

Her - Go on romantic second date with Bob/Accounting
Him - Score on second date with Suzy/Marketing

Her - Get organized/clean house
Him - Give old Penthouse mags to Goodwill (or younger brother)

Her - Buy new Daily Planner
Him - Buy new little Black Book if no luck under furniture

Her - Find out name of tall good-looking guy in Finance
Him - Score with tall, long-legged Blond in Finance

Her - Read More / Less TV
Him - Buy Dish - More sports channels!!

Her - Watch quality TV with positive messages
Him - When surfing DO NOT stop on "Allie McBeal" -EVER

Her - Plan budget / Save more money
Him - Only three nights at topless bar per week


WHUT?? It's only 5 months away.
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Knock knock
Who's there?
Howe-wenwat-wai
How, when, what, why, who?
You ask too many questions! Forget it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

The leading couple of this joke consists of a husband and a wife. The wife has just taken a shower and comes out wrapped in a towel, still shy being newly wed.

"Well, I've seen you naked. You don't need that towel," says the husband.

"I just feel more comfortable this way," the wife responds.

"But I want to take a picture of you in a natural state," continues the husband.

The wife gets suspicious and asks what the husband would do with the photo. "I'll put in in my wallet and keep it close to my heart all the time," he responds, and gets his picture then heading for shower himself. He returns clean but also wrapped in a towel.

"Why are you wearing that towel now - I want a photo of you in return," demands the wife. The Husband does as he's told, the photo's taken and they check the result in their digital camera.

"What will you do with this photo of me, then?" asks the husband.

The wife takes a good look at her husband, then the photo, then husband again. "I'll have it enlarged," she finally responds.
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Ten Indications of a New Year Hangover

1. You get it into your head that chirping birds are the Devil's pets.
2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "Stay still."
3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as drinking a glass of fresh paint.
4. The bathroom reminds you of the fairground cry, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
5. You'd rather chew tacks than be exposed to sunlight.
6. You set aside an entire afternoon to spend some quality time with your toilet.
7. You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
8. Your catch phrase is, "Never again."
9. You could purchase a new fridge on the proceeds from recycling the bottles around your bed.
10. Your new response to "Good morning," is "Be quiet!"Happy New Year


Five months.
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Good morning everyboomie, and an early Happy New Year.

Let's see now, what comes after Sunday Funday?

Never mind.

Not sure I wanna know anyway.

I do know this. Only two more days for them, before I get my two days.

Then.......I get to start moving.

I've been waiting for this all my life.

FINALLY, a place of my very own.

It'll be a true man cave. A real chick pad.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

... Mommy

Ok have a happy day everyone.

joe

I am sure your sis would be happy to be with you. Does she have a new place yet?
No cats are going with you are they?

Have a great day Joe and all.

I am not sure what I will do today except run the dogs and wait for the mattress delivery. Ahhhh.....a good night's sleep is in the horizon.

Ana

Thanks for the laughs Joe.
Hope everyone has a great start to their week

Have a terrific day Joe, Ana, manxman and all who come in after me.

I'm posting at night again, just in case I don't have time in the morning, which is very likely. Work went well today. Everything went smoothly and was finished on time.

Now I have to go back and do different projects tomorrow. I didn't get enough sleep last night, but I did manage to get a nap in today. Hopefully, that will help me feel more alert tomorrow as well.

Okay, off to sleep now. Have a terrific Monday, everyone.

Good morning Joe, Ana, manxman,Venus
and all who come in after me.
Have all a great Monday

Good morning Joe,Ana,Venus,manxman,Haroula. Coffee is on and strong,enjoy the day all.

Good Morning Joe, Ana, manxman, venus, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe happy dreams. Ana a comfortable mattress can be heavenly! Manxman hope you have a good day too. Venus don't work to hard! Haroula stay cool! Cailyn hope all is going well with you and your family. A Happy Day wished for all!

Good morning. I have another split shift today. I hope you all have a great Momday. Thanks Joe for your openers. Hi Ana, manxman, venus, Haroula, Sue, Gerry, Gail when you come in, and everyone who follows me in. They're forecasting rain sometime today, then, back up into the 90's. Here we go again.

Midgie

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope your two days of work goes by quickly so you can get to moving.

Ana, sweet dreams on your new mattress tonight.

Manxman, have a good day.

Haroula, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day.

Venus, hope you feel well rested today.

Cailyn, I'll have some of the strong coffee.

Gerry, happy day to you also.

Nothing on the agenda for me today. I'll just go with the flow of whatever the day brings. Wishing all Boomers a great day!

Good morning everyone. Ana, we've had a memory foam mattress for several years and love it. Not sure what's on the agenda for the day yet. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Monday. Danish and Blueberry Pancakes in the NC.

Good morning everyboomie.

It is hot and muggy out this morning. The next three days are going to be 104. We have been taking Cory right after breakfast.

I need to do some treadmill then play and read today. Just try to keep cool.

Have a wonderful day everyone.

Bets

Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Congratulations on your new place! Hope your Day Before Tuesday is super duper!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!

Magnificent Monday ya'll

Hubby came up and got me a bit ago. Daughter called to say she is feeling ill so they will be here tomorrow instead.

I plan some sipping, some surfing, some cleaning, and some playing. Son is at work and hubby took a day off.

Back later

I had to read your post twice L4L. I thought you said soot came up and bit you. I hope daughter feels better.

manxman, have a great day!

Venus, hope that everything goes smoothly.

Haroula, is today a work day?

Sue, I'll have a cup when I finish running the dogs.

Gerry, wishing you a happy day too!

Midgie, we are supposed to hit 100 today. Think cool thoughts! How is you sis, mom and BIL doing?

Gail, I hope something fun comes your way today.

Connie, I am happy to hear good reports on the foam mattresses. I am looking forward to trying it out. Is your pool fixed yet?

Bets, stay cool! Mojitos in the gazebo is my suggestion.

Darlene, safe skooshing!

Off to the river with the dogs.

Ana

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGH. Blah work yuk blah. Too much work due to everyone stocking up for the Olympics. The torch comes by early tomorrow before work so I will go & see it.
Off now to have a sit down then clean the kitchen floor. Or maybe a sit down followed by another sit down ...

Well been a busy morning and now it is time for a busy afternnon too. Want to stop and say HI to everybody and wish all a wonderful day!


Nan

Good Morning; sunny but temp was 51 degrees at 5 a.m. Have a to-do list but can't seem to find it, so may just have to game the day away.

Time for a bite of lunch so may all have a great start to the week.

Ana, I had to go back and see what I'd written Have fun with the dogs.

JennyP, take lots of pictures. I vote for the sit down after the sit down.

Nan, I hope at least some of the "busy" is fun.

Trippy, do you guys have sun? How are all the critters?

Soot and I have been cleaning and dusting areas we usually don't. It's amazing how much dust is in this house as the doors and windows are seldom open and the AC has been running 24/7 since March.

We are nearly done though. Will vac tomorrow. I still have to settle on the week's menus so I can get the GF ingredients but other than that, we are done.

MIL told hubby about a neat way to cook fresh corn. Hubby told me and we tried it. Holy Moly....it's so easy. You toss the corn still with the silk and in the husk into the microwave for 5 minutes per ear. When you take it out, you cut off the stem end (bottom) and then squeeze it from the top like toothpaste. The ear slides out...the silk stays in. Needless to say, I am now full of yummy Peaches and Cream corn.

Back in a bit

Ana, I read it the same way also.

Mojitos sound great, but not the gazebo. It is already 102.4

Good afternoon Boomers

Another hot one here today. It seems like everyday is 90 degrees plus.

Quest, it's beyond hot here. Stay cool!

Night Haroula, sleep well

L4L, all critters doing good though bored from some of the very hot weather.
Took Rebel for a mile walk and he kept trying to jump grasshoppers; not sure who jumped higher, the grasshopper or the dog.
Will try to walk one of the others later after I rest my feet.

Be back.

Good afternoon boomies. It's been a busy day. Not going as I planned at all.

Sam and I are trying to find an affordable restaurant for Sam's rehearsal dinner. We aren't doing so well. I am looking up places and she is calling. After a frustrating few hours. I think it's going to be a pizza party.

Be back...dinner beckons.

Ana I'll come to your pizza party

Hello everybody.

It's been a day.........and a half.

TGTF---Thank God Tomorrow's Friday!

Lucklessly all I have to do is move.

As for tonight, Warehouse 13 and Alphas are back on SiFi. WOO HOO! Two of my faves.

Enjoy your evening everyone.

joe

Thanks Midgie, it's ridiculous to try and get a decent place for the dinner. I don't know how people do it. I told Sam no to pizza but I am starting to bend.

Joe, I hope Pepper behaves in your new place. New cords and cabinets to chew.
Happy Friday!

I finally ran away for awhile and sat on the deck alone. I have not had a moment to myself except for walking the dogs and my head was going to explode soon. I gave hubby my phone and told him to please handle anything that comes through. Bless his heart he did, except his way was to answer the text messages by saying that I ran away and would be unavailable till I feel like rejoining the world.

Now I need to run to the store for a few things. Be back...

Ana, that is hysterical

I used to go to the tub and tell hubby and the kids I was not to be disturbed for anything less than the house burning down around me.

Why is Sam doing the rehearsal dinner? For our boys we did it...even though we lived 11 hours away.

I think pizza in the back yard is a great idea though. Rehearsals for the boys ran long which created problems with the restaurants.

Hubby and I are off to watch a movie. See ya'll tomorrow. Sleep well all

Finally home from the store and groceries put away, cars juggled to their nightly resting spots. All was perfect and done, and I folded a towel and go to put it away in the linen closet and was unaware a metal shelf had bowed and I sliced my thumb something fierce. It's a bleeder! It's finally subsiding with the throbbing but not the way I wanted to end my day.

At least I get to go to bed on my new mattress.

L4L, I rarely run away but I had reached my limit. I had three calls just trying to take a shower and the texts were flying. I was trying hard not to be rude but I reached my limit and wanted to be "unattached" for awhile. Too bad it was so hot and muggy out but it worked.

Tim's mom had stated she is paying, but as they do not have a whole lot of money we are trying to find something reasonable. It wouldn't be nice to take advantage of their generosity. The hall is by my house so I am trying to find something close by.

Ana sleep well in the new bed!!!

Time here to say good night and close out this long and busy day!

Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams.


Nan

Good night, everyone.