Sunday Best

Posted By: gymcandy1

Sunday Best - 03/01/15 03:50 AM


Quote: “The minute that you’re not learning I believe you’re dead.”

This will start your day with a smile.


These great questions and answers are from the days when the Hollywood Squares game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.

Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected..
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh


A Real Man

A real man is a woman's best friend. He will
never stand her up and never let her down.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure
and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never
thought she could do; to live without fear
and forget regret. He will enable her to
express her deepest emotions and give in to
her most intimate desires. He will make sure
she always feels as though she's the most
beautiful woman in the room and will enable
her to be the most confident, sexy,
seductive, and invincible.

No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine.
Never mind.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on I said "Implants?"

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were not.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

I hope you're enjoying the weekend where you are, since it's impossible for you to be anywhere else. wink

Believe me there have been many times lately that I wished I were somewhere else. smirk

Wishing won't make it happen and my time machine is O.O.F......Out Of Fuel. razz

I can't be two places at once. smile

Right now the only thing that matters is where I have to be at 7:00 in the morning, and where I need to be right now. sleep

Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup

joe kissy
Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sunday Best - 03/01/15 04:02 AM

Have a happy day too Joe! hearts

Wishing everyone a great Sunday! Stay warm!
Posted By: Haroula

Re: Sunday Best - 03/01/15 09:37 AM

Good morning,have all a relaxing Sunday. happydance smile wave
Posted By: cailyn

Re: Sunday Best - 03/01/15 11:49 AM

Good morning Joe.Ana,Haroula wave It's freezing here it's below zero shiver not looking forward to more snow tonight eek Coffee is ready I'll keep it hot! Have a great day everyone winter
Posted By: Kaki's Sister

Re: Sunday Best - 03/01/15 12:01 PM

Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula, Sue, and All. Happy day Joe and Ana. Haroula have a relaxing Sunday too. Sue we are expecting more snow this morning as well. winter I wish Spring would come! Thanks for the coffee. Wishing All a great day! blackkitty
Posted By: connie

Re: Sunday Best - 03/01/15 01:41 PM

Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Sunday. Breakfast out and some shopping today. Danish, Omelets, Bacon, Sausage, Hash Browns, Pancakes, and Toast in the NC. winter
Posted By: venus

Re: Sunday Best - 03/01/15 02:06 PM

Hope work flies by, Joe.

Have a great Sunday, too, Ana.

Enjoy your day, Haroula.

Stay warm, Cailyn. shiver We're getting more snow here, too. Hope you don't get too much!

Gerry, I wish spring would come as well. yes Hope you have a great day, too.

Thanks for breakfast, Connie. thumbsup Enjoy your breakfast out and shopping.

I'm off today. It looks like we're expecting more snow, so that means another gaming day. As much as I'm enjoying catching up on all this gaming, I am looking forward to the spring. crazy

Okay, off to see what else is happening. Have a great Sunday, everyone. winter
Posted By: GBC

Re: Sunday Best - 03/01/15 02:19 PM

Good Morning Boomers winter

Joe, more snow tonight. I'm wishing I were in Hawaii. winter

Ana, have a great one.

Haroula, happy day wishes.

Venus, enjoy your day off.

Sue, this snow is getting ridiculous! And It's too cold to be out. shiver

Gerry, same old weather here.

Connie, would you like some of our snow? We have more coming.

Church this morning. More snow expected tonight. I'm really, really sick of it. crazy
Posted By: auntiegram

Re: Sunday Best - 03/01/15 05:04 PM

Joe may work fly and go well. Love the dogs hiding!! lol Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Ana HUGS! Hope that all is well there. How is Merlin doing?? Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Sue thanks for the hot coffee. If it is to snow then it will have to warm up some. Hang in there. Have a lovely day!

Gerry hope the snow is a small amount! Have a lovely day!

Connie enjoy breakfast out and shopping. Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

venus enjoy the snowy gaming day and be careful if you have to go out. Have a lovely day!

Gail glad you may make it for church today! Hope it is just anouther flake or two only! Have a lovely day!

Me think Abbi might be coming to visit!!! happydance

Posted By: Sorta Blonde

Re: Sunday Best - 03/01/15 05:35 PM

Gosh Joe, is there a 'walkthrough' for those hidden dogs? I couldn't find any of them! rotfl

Well, the weatherman is back on my good list. It started a day late but it's been raining steadily since 10ish last night. Just a light rain, but enough to get everything good and wet and soak the Outdoorsies who, amazingly, showed up for breakfast. Wow. They must be hungry. Only one of them loves water and she was the one hiding under the feeding table (nice cozy chairs and beds under there). The other two were really wet on top. Poor guys. At least they will get a 'cleaning'. One of them is the guy who had that horrible abscess under his chin, which he miraculously recovered from and because of all the 'attention' I gave it with the medicines, he now LIKES to be petted. Only on the back and head, not on any other part and especially NOT under the throat. It's like he had a tummy tuck on his throat. Very tight skin there with very short fur. I'm sure it will grow out in time. He still has trouble eating but sure gets enough. Strong and healthy again.

I have to go balance my checkbook. I took out some spending cash and now I'm not sure if it's over or under what the balance should be. Ugh. High finance with little money. I'm getting out the 'white-out' pen now. Something is amiss and I want to be sure I won't overdraw.
Posted By: Yankee Clipper

Re: Sunday Best - 03/01/15 05:49 PM

Hey Joe, those doggies fooling themselves into hiding are really funny and gave my day a laugh. I miss my dogs and horses so much.....too bad.

A coldish dark drizzly day .........and if I can't walk in this stuff my kits can't. They are sending me signals it's time, it's time walkiewalkie. Maybe tomorrow. Instead they can nap sleep. Mumzy has spoken.

I might join play station plus in order to play Plants vs Zombies Garden Warfare. Let's hope it isn't a mistake. Kinda suspicious of these extras. Why if I play single player must I get online and PS plus? Also it means I'm dumping 70$ to play this game so I better enjoy it.
Well, whatever happy Sunday all
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Sunday Best - 03/01/15 06:24 PM

Good afternoon Boomers. wave

More snow here today. winter cry
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Sunday Best - 03/01/15 06:31 PM

Supercalifragilistice Expialidocious Sunday to ya'll puppy

Got up and popped into the shower. Thought I'd start the day off by cleaning up as hubby and I have a date later. Unbeknownst to me, the dishwasher was running so my shower experience was interesting to say the least. lol But I made it and am all clean and shiny now.

Then down to the kitchen to eat breakfast and watch Face the Nation. Now surfing for minute before I get dressed. We are going to watch "The Importance of Being Ernest." Haven't seen this one before.

Joe, rotfl The one in the stuffed animals and the one in the leaves were hidden pretty well. The on in the stuffed animals reminds me of the Chinchilla we kept for a summer who loved to snuggle into son's stuffed animal collection.

Jokes today were great, especially the wine and the target joke. Thanks for starting my day off chuckling.

Nan, it always makes me laugh when someone says it has to warm up to snow. Such a foreign concept to me. Stay in and stay warm.

Back in a few wave

Edit: Back from the play. Had a great time...beautiful set and the actors did a terrific job. Hubby kept saying we'd seen it before but I totally didn't remember any of it. rotfl

Posted By: Midge

Re: Sunday Best - 03/02/15 03:45 AM

Night all. See you in the morning.

Midgie hearts
© 2022 GameBoomers Community