GB HOMEPAGE

Hump Day

Posted By: gymcandy1

Hump Day - 11/25/15 04:12 AM

Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.
~ANONYMOUS~

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Wouldn't it be nice if there was an answer to all the things we ponder? This Things To Ponder list highlights the many, well, inconsistencies and questions we all have. But really, Things To Ponder is actually pretty funny!


1. Is there another word for synonym?

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?

8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?

10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

11. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through ugly bank machines?

23. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

24. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

25. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

26. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

27. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

28. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

29. The older you get, the better you realize you were.

30. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

31. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

32. Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

33. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

34. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

35. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

36. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

37. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

38. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

39. If God dropped acid, would he see people?

40. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

41. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

42. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

43. If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?

44. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

45. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

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Shortly after the construction of the twin-towered Time Warner Center in Manhattan (home to twenty million dollar condos featuring, its owners claimed, the "most commanding view of any residences overlooking Central Park"), Donald Trump had banners hung from his own World Tower, a neighboring building to the north.

Trump's message? "Your views aren't so great, are they? We have the real Central Park views and address! Best Wishes, The Donald."

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From the March 1990 Playboy interview with Donald Trump:

Playboy: How is your marriage?

Trump: Just fine. Ivana is a very kind and good woman. I also think she has the instincts and drive of a good manager. She's focused and she's a perfectionist.

Playboy: And as a wife, not a manager?

Trump: I never comment on romance.... She's a great mother, a good woman who does a good job.

Playboy: What is marriage to you? Is it monogamous?

Trump: I don't have to answer that. I never speak about my wife--which is one of the advantages of not being a politician. My marriage is and should be a personal thing.

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Two robins were lying on their backs, basking in the sun. A
mama cat and her kitten were walking by.

The kitten complained, "Mama, I'm sooo hungry, what can we
eat?"

To which the mama cat, spying the two robins, replied, "How
about some Baskin Robbins?"

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Good morning everybommie. welcome


It's only 9:15pm here but I'm already ready for bed of course. tired


3:30 this morning was an age ago. yes


I have two days to recover my strength though, and even more importantly, my sanity. crazy


I'll have two days to sanitize my house too. snicker


Isn't that spiffy? woot


Have a happy day everyone. urock


joe
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Hump Day - 11/25/15 04:23 AM

Have a great Wednesday everyone. smile
Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 11/25/15 05:09 AM

Where is the week going? It's zooming by.

My son and daughter are coming over and so is baby James today. We will go see Santa. yay

Have a great day all!

Ana wave
Posted By: Haroula

Re: Hump Day - 11/25/15 07:27 AM

Good morning have all a happy day. smile wave
Posted By: Kaki's Sister

Re: Hump Day - 11/25/15 10:13 AM

Good Morning Joe, Space, Ana and Haroula. Coffee and tea are ready. Wishing you all a great day! wave
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 11/25/15 04:48 PM

Happy Hump Day ya'll puppy


Today is Cooking cooking cooking! I'm gonna start with a Boston Cream Pie after I post. I've never made it before. The recipe is a bit time consuming, but sounds delicous. We shall see how it turns out. That will be followed by dressing, then cucumber salad (has to drain 24 hours), casseroles and refrigerator space juggling to make room for it all. All that shall be followed by collapsing into a hot bath. That's my day in a nutshell.

Joe, whatcha doing for T'day? Do you still have the kitty? How is Miss Pepper?

Space, are you off today?

Ana, yes it is. The entire year has. Have fun at Santa.

Haroula wave

Gerry, thanks for the coffee and the tea. I'll start with coffee and switch to tea for the afternoon.

Back later wave
Posted By: Darlene

Re: Hump Day - 11/25/15 05:03 PM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and hope your Hump Day is extremely happy!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Busy week. Will do shopping after work.

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 11/25/15 07:23 PM

Cake in the oven...we shall see. Off to do the cukes wave
Posted By: GBC

Re: Hump Day - 11/25/15 08:20 PM

Good Afternoon Boomers

Been baking all morning. A few of my kids come for Thanksgiving dinner. The rest come for dessert. So it's a busy baking day for me.

Wishing everyone a great Hump Day. broccoli
Posted By: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 11/25/15 08:44 PM

Have been busy, busy, busy!!! I have a moment to stop in and say HI!!!

Joe glad you have a couple days to recuperate!! thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Space have a lovely day!

Ana have fun visiting Santa!!!! Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thank you for the coffee! Have a lovely day!

L4l you sound busy, busy too!!! Prayers that all comes out well at the dentist!! HUGS! Have a lovely day!

Darlene may work go smooth and the shopping too! Have a lovely day!

Gail you been busy, busy too!! Nice that at sometime tomorrow they will all be home!! Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan
Posted By: Yankee Clipper

Re: Hump Day - 11/25/15 09:07 PM

Yeah Joe -what ever happened to Sambo? Is he doing well? Now this is the 2nd time I've asked. boohoo poor me -

L4L is sambo the kitty you meant?
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Hump Day - 11/25/15 09:32 PM

Have a great Turkey Day everyone. thanksgiving turkey fall
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 11/26/15 12:05 AM

Still cooking cooking cooking but winding down...... turkey
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Hump Day - 11/26/15 12:41 AM

Big crowd tomorrow looney?
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 11/26/15 01:08 AM

Space, no not at all...just the 5 of us, but Thanksgiving is when I do the big cook. Traditionally I'll cook for 3 days 7 or 8 hours a day as everything is made from scratch. Most of the dishes I cook at Thanksgiving, is only cooked at Thanksgiving, so we all look forward to it. Everyone has their favorites...I'd be fine with just Dressing. Of course, AFTER we eat on Thanksgiving, I don't even go in the kitchen for days. The guys clean up and make me plates of food, coffee, tea, etc. rotfl

I've been watching sappy Christmas movies while I cooked. I am done for the day. Still lots of cooking tomorrow, but the boys won't be here til the afternoon, so we'll eat 5ish instead of 2ish. I'm eager to taste the Boston Cream Pie....looks good.

I would not mind having folks over but that would mean I'd have to clean, and I don't want to do that. I need staff eek lol

I'll make something at Christmas, but T'day is our big blow out. I did cut out a few of the expected dishes, but suffice it to say, no one will be hungry around here tomorrow, or for a few days after.

How bout you?

Yankee, yep that's the one. You cooking or heading out?
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Hump Day - 11/26/15 05:27 AM

Sounds like a feast looney. I hope you, soot, the doggies and the rest of your family have a great day. wave
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