Sip and Surf Sunday

Posted By: gymcandy1

Sip and Surf Sunday - 12/20/15 05:52 AM

Why do people say “no offense” right before they’re about to offend you?


Spotted on Facebook…

Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did 
I do on my research paper?

Teacher: Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in a random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the 
sentences you apparently 
kidnapped in the dead of night 
and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan of yours clearly seemed to be placed on the pages against their will. Reading your paper was like watching unfamiliar, uncomfortable people interacting at a cocktail party that no one wanted to attend in the first place. You didn’t submit a research paper. You submitted a hostage situation.


My husband was at a dinner with colleagues, and one of them had too much to drink. Feeling drowsy, the poor man sank back into his chair and said, “I don’t feel good. I’m 
going into screen saver mode.”


While teaching at a veterinary college, I ordered a few books for our library. One was George Orwell’s 
Animal Farm. When I went to take it out, I discovered that the librarian had placed the book in the section for dairy and poultry.


A friend of mine works at a tattoo shop. A client walked in and got a sentence tattooed on his back. A few hours later, the customer called, 
demanding a refund.

Client: You did my tattoo backward!

Tattoo artist: It’s backward?

Client: Yes! I’m looking at it in the mirror right now!


My fiancé and I went to a counselor to work on our communication issues. Using herself as an example, the counselor crossed her legs and her arms and exhaled loudly. I was about to say she was showing signs of frustration, but my fiancé beat me to it, yelling, “I’ve got it! You’re constipated!”


As if the declining health of my grandmother weren’t enough, my parents suddenly had to contend with an ant infestation. So I was glad to get a text from Mom updating me: “Exterminator was here; thinks she got the nest behind the microwave. She sprayed, and hundreds came out—dead and woozy. Grandma 
Marie the same.”


Hanging up with my 90-year-old mother, I sighed, then said to 
my 96-year-old uncle, “She’s so 

He shook his head sympathetically and warned, “You’re going to have trouble with her when she gets old.”


After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies. Mine read, “Be quiet for a little while.” His read, “Talk while you have a chance.”


My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife said to me, “Straighten her up.”

I looked at my daughter and said, “What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It’s time to grow up.”
My wife hasn’t asked me to do anything since.


A friend knew that she’d overdone it with the gifts and candy last Easter when her six-year-old woke up to all the booty and shouted, “This is the best Christmas ever!”


“Has your diet changed?” 
I asked an 87-year-old woman I was admitting into the hospital.

“Yes,” she said. “For Lent, I gave 
up whipped cream on my Jell-O, hard candy, and my two beers a night. [Pause] And look where it’s gotten me.”


Weirdest Craigslist Post Ever?

Looking for a job? Here’s one posted on Craigslist:

“$40K a Year to Attend Harvard University as Me.” Requirements include a 4.0 GPA in high school or a 3.5 GPA in college. Only males need apply, since, as the listing tells us, “I have a male name.” The lucky person tapped for the gig doesn’t have to do much other than “attend all classes, pass all tests, 
and finish all assigned work while pretending you are me.” Don’t worry about having to actually get into 
the Ivy League school: “I’ve already taken care of that,” he says.


Is Your Boss This Dumb?

While taking stock of our 
products, I read aloud the final 
numbers to my boss. As he entered each one into a calculator, I deleted it off my mobile device. Only after 
I’d finished did we realize that he had entered the numbers on his 
desk phone’s keypad.


Good morning everyboomie. welcome

How's everyone doing? smile12

I'm sitting here trying to keep my legs from cramping. Seems my outings are making my legs crampier than ever. shocked

I'd do it every day anyway if I kept finding points. bravo12

It's great. It's like Christmas in December. presents12

I send Santa a 10 'point' request every night.

Have a happy day everybody.

Posted By: Haroula

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday - 12/20/15 08:13 AM

Have a relaxing before Christmas Sunday everyone. tree wave12
Posted By: Trail_Mystic

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday - 12/20/15 08:53 AM

Hope everyone has a wonderful day. Looking forward to the holiday, but could someone send us a little snow please? thanks

TM grin12
Posted By: Kaki's Sister

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday - 12/20/15 10:18 AM

Good Morning Joe, Haroula, Trail_ and everyone. A chilly start to the day today. Coffee and tea are ready and some hot chocolate too.

winter tree Have a great day everyone! tree winter
Posted By: venus

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday - 12/20/15 02:04 PM

Have a terrific Sunday Joe, Haroula, Trail_Mystic, Gerry and all who follow. wave12

It's my only day off this week, which means I really have to rest, as I'm sick, and I have an especially long day tomorrow. frown12 Then I have long days afterward, but the good news is, I have a three day weekend starting Friday. happydance12 I wasn't sure if I would or not, so I'm very happy about that.

Okay, off to let kitty version Venus in, as she's meowing incessantly. grin12 Have a fantastic Sunday, everyone. tree
Posted By: GBC

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday - 12/20/15 02:35 PM

Good Morning Boomers smile12

Joe, have a great one!

Haroula, happy day!

TM, I'd send you some snow but we don't have any here either.

Gerry, coffee needed. Thank you!

Venus, hope you feel better soon. Hugs!

Church this morning then a nice quiet relaxing Sunday. wink12
Posted By: gymcandy1

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday - 12/20/15 03:41 PM

Good morning Haroula, Trail, Gerry, Venus, Gail, and all. happydance12

It's very overcast here this morning. wink12

Cloudy too. grin12

It caused me to oversleep till 8:00. Now I'm trying to gulp down my coffee so I can get busy. I have much stuff to do, starting with a trip to Walmart for groceries. shocked

So, I've got two more cups of coffee to gulp down. I'd better get to it. taz

Have a super day everyone. thumbsup12

Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday - 12/20/15 03:54 PM

Good morning everyone! A much warmer start to the day, yesterday was 10 degrees, today is 36! Yay! I have a houseful of family today, everyone of them except one nephew living in Indonesia and he will skype with us.

Have a happy day all!
Posted By: auntiegram

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday - 12/20/15 05:24 PM

Joe don't gulp too fast and burn yourself!! Great find yesterday!! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Haroula you too! Have a lovely day!

Trail_ none up here to speak of either or I would send some your way! Although they are talking some for today!? Who knowas. Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the hot coffee and have a lovely day!

venus HUGS! Prayers that your rest today helps you to feel well again. Have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy church and the nice relaxing afternoon! Have a lovely day!

Ana enjoy your day with family!!! Have a lovely day!

Posted By: Yankee Clipper

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday - 12/20/15 06:17 PM

Hi All, long time no post -just to let all know I'm still on this planet, and my 5 kits too. One big noisy happy family. Up to breakfast that is then after the eats all quiet sleepy time. Thought I'd better post today because tomorrow's my b'day and well, you know.

Yesterday I planned to download some housework but in no time I'd uploaded "why bother". Thanks L4L

Still playing those games wolfenstein - killzone, oh please make a new game -mordor and that's enough shooting for awhile

Beauty day today
Posted By: Darlene

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday - 12/20/15 06:33 PM

wave12 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your day today isn't too busy for you. Have a great Sip and Surf Sunday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Easy day planned today. I think we'll barbecue. yay12

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday - 12/20/15 07:41 PM

Super Sunday ya'll puppy

Hubby and Daughter and I had a wonderful time out last night. Christmas Carol was fun and afterwards, they did a free performance of Star Wars: Christmas Carol which was hysterical. Both theaters were super cold though.

Daughter hit the road back to CO this morning, and then son and hubby and the boys and I watched "Ant Man." Cute movie.

I feel like I'm coming down with something, so will indulge in some face steaming today.

Otherwise, I'm going to hydrate and relax. I'm exhausted. wave12
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday - 12/20/15 09:06 PM

I hope you feel better looney. Hopefully some rest will help.
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday - 12/21/15 12:00 AM

Thanks, Space.

I'm going to go steam myself lol12
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday - 12/21/15 02:29 AM

Did it work looney?
Posted By: venus

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday - 12/21/15 02:54 AM

Thanks Gail and Nan! hearts

Sorry you're also not feeling well, L4L. frown12 Hope the steaming worked for you! reindeer

Well, I'm off to sleep for another long day. Good night, everyone. sleep12
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