Posted By: gymcandy1
Monday Morning Mumbling - 04/04/16 04:50 AM
A career is wonderful, but you can’t curl up with it on a cold night.
~~MARILYN MONROE~~
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“That’s a nice plant,” said a woman at the florist’s shop, pointing to the flower I was buying.
“Yeah, my wife and I had an argument,” I admitted. “I was going to buy her a dozen roses, but I don’t think she’s that mad at me.”
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This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend that all I wanted was an Xbox. That’s it. Beginning and end of list: Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.
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After waiting two hours for her date, Sarah concluded she’d been stood up. So she changed into pajamas, made some popcorn, and flopped down in front of the TV. Then the doorbell rang—it was her date. He took one look at Sarah and gasped. “You’re still not ready?”
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Dating is complicated. You don’t believe us? Here are some examples:
Right after we broke up, my ex-girlfriend called to ask how to change her relationship status on Facebook.
I got into a 90-minute argument with my girlfriend because she was adamant that Moby Dick was a true story. I finally let her win so I could go to sleep.
My now ex-girlfriend and I were in my room one day, and the Internet was particularly slow. After I complained, she suggested that I untangle my Ethernet cord so that more Internet could get through.
I recently joined an online dating site, and one of my matches was my first cousin.
`````````````````````````
“Why doesn’t your mother like me?” a woman asks her boyfriend.
“Don’t take it personally,” he assures her. “She’s never liked anyone I’ve dated. I once dated someone exactly like her, and that didn’t work out at all.”
“What happened?”
“My father couldn’t stand her.”
```````````````````````````
During a conference, I was pleasantly surprised to be seated next to a very handsome man. We flirted casually through dinner, then grew restless as the dignitaries gave speeches. During one particularly long-winded lecture, my new friend drew a # sign on a cocktail napkin. Elated, I wrote down my phone number.
Looking startled for a moment, he drew another # sign, this time adding an X to the upper-left-hand corner.
````````````````````````````````````````
I was supposed to go out with this guy on Friday night. On Friday afternoon he called and said that he didn’t think it was a good idea, because he just wanted to be friends. So I hung up and called him back. He was like, "Hello?" I said, "Hey, friend, it’s me. Want to hear what this jerk just did?"
```````````````````````````````````
My boyfriend and I were taking his 19-year-old niece to a weekend festival. When we arrived at her house to pick her up, she appeared in tasteful but very short shorts, and a tank top with spaghetti straps. A debate began immediately about appropriate dress. I took the girl’s side, recalling that when we began dating, I dressed the same way.
“Yes,” said my boyfriend sternly, “and I said something about it, didn’t I?”
Everyone looked at me. “Yeah,” I replied. “You said, ‘What’s your phone number?'”
```````````````````````````````
I was in line at a restaurant. In front of me was a mother with her college-age son and his girlfriend. It was the middle of the dinner rush, and many customers were restless at the long wait, but the young couple, holding hands and kissing, were oblivious to everything around them. Although clearly not approving, the mother was silent, until one prolonged kiss when the young man had his face and hands buried in his girlfriend’s long, curly locks.
“Do you have to do that here?” the embarrassed mother asked.
“I’m not doing anything, Mom,” came her son’s muffled voice. “My earring’s caught in her hair.”
```````````````````````````````
Pointing to a pan of chicken wings and legs disguised in the classic mess-hall manner, a young airman asked the mess sergeant, "What’s for chow?"
"Air Force chicken," replied the sergeant. "You want wings or landing gear?"
`````````````````````````
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my newborn daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned into the baby carriage and said, "See the doggy?"
Suddenly I felt a little silly talking to my baby as if she understood me. But just as the man passed, I noticed he reached down, patted his dog and said, "See the baby?"
`````````````````````````````
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered, and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes, that’s right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
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Good morning everyboomie.
Monday? Isn't it Sunday, and if not, what happened to Sunday?
Well, Sunday is not always Sunday, and Monday is not always Monday on my calendar.
I have two days on & three days off.
I went to the creek today though, so I don't really have anywhere to go to hunt until we have another heavy rain event.
I mowed my yard yesterday, so my house should get real clean.
Ana I'm sorry to hear about your ankle, I hope it doesn't hurt too bad.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~~MARILYN MONROE~~
``````````````````````````
“That’s a nice plant,” said a woman at the florist’s shop, pointing to the flower I was buying.
“Yeah, my wife and I had an argument,” I admitted. “I was going to buy her a dozen roses, but I don’t think she’s that mad at me.”
`````````````````````````
This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend that all I wanted was an Xbox. That’s it. Beginning and end of list: Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.
`````````````````````
After waiting two hours for her date, Sarah concluded she’d been stood up. So she changed into pajamas, made some popcorn, and flopped down in front of the TV. Then the doorbell rang—it was her date. He took one look at Sarah and gasped. “You’re still not ready?”
````````````````````
Dating is complicated. You don’t believe us? Here are some examples:
Right after we broke up, my ex-girlfriend called to ask how to change her relationship status on Facebook.
I got into a 90-minute argument with my girlfriend because she was adamant that Moby Dick was a true story. I finally let her win so I could go to sleep.
My now ex-girlfriend and I were in my room one day, and the Internet was particularly slow. After I complained, she suggested that I untangle my Ethernet cord so that more Internet could get through.
I recently joined an online dating site, and one of my matches was my first cousin.
`````````````````````````
“Why doesn’t your mother like me?” a woman asks her boyfriend.
“Don’t take it personally,” he assures her. “She’s never liked anyone I’ve dated. I once dated someone exactly like her, and that didn’t work out at all.”
“What happened?”
“My father couldn’t stand her.”
```````````````````````````
During a conference, I was pleasantly surprised to be seated next to a very handsome man. We flirted casually through dinner, then grew restless as the dignitaries gave speeches. During one particularly long-winded lecture, my new friend drew a # sign on a cocktail napkin. Elated, I wrote down my phone number.
Looking startled for a moment, he drew another # sign, this time adding an X to the upper-left-hand corner.
````````````````````````````````````````
I was supposed to go out with this guy on Friday night. On Friday afternoon he called and said that he didn’t think it was a good idea, because he just wanted to be friends. So I hung up and called him back. He was like, "Hello?" I said, "Hey, friend, it’s me. Want to hear what this jerk just did?"
```````````````````````````````````
My boyfriend and I were taking his 19-year-old niece to a weekend festival. When we arrived at her house to pick her up, she appeared in tasteful but very short shorts, and a tank top with spaghetti straps. A debate began immediately about appropriate dress. I took the girl’s side, recalling that when we began dating, I dressed the same way.
“Yes,” said my boyfriend sternly, “and I said something about it, didn’t I?”
Everyone looked at me. “Yeah,” I replied. “You said, ‘What’s your phone number?'”
```````````````````````````````
I was in line at a restaurant. In front of me was a mother with her college-age son and his girlfriend. It was the middle of the dinner rush, and many customers were restless at the long wait, but the young couple, holding hands and kissing, were oblivious to everything around them. Although clearly not approving, the mother was silent, until one prolonged kiss when the young man had his face and hands buried in his girlfriend’s long, curly locks.
“Do you have to do that here?” the embarrassed mother asked.
“I’m not doing anything, Mom,” came her son’s muffled voice. “My earring’s caught in her hair.”
```````````````````````````````
Pointing to a pan of chicken wings and legs disguised in the classic mess-hall manner, a young airman asked the mess sergeant, "What’s for chow?"
"Air Force chicken," replied the sergeant. "You want wings or landing gear?"
`````````````````````````
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my newborn daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned into the baby carriage and said, "See the doggy?"
Suddenly I felt a little silly talking to my baby as if she understood me. But just as the man passed, I noticed he reached down, patted his dog and said, "See the baby?"
`````````````````````````````
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered, and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes, that’s right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
````````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Monday? Isn't it Sunday, and if not, what happened to Sunday?
Well, Sunday is not always Sunday, and Monday is not always Monday on my calendar.
I have two days on & three days off.
I went to the creek today though, so I don't really have anywhere to go to hunt until we have another heavy rain event.
I mowed my yard yesterday, so my house should get real clean.
Ana I'm sorry to hear about your ankle, I hope it doesn't hurt too bad.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
