Happy Hump Day

Posted By: gymcandy1

Happy Hump Day - 02/14/18 01:29 AM

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

Spotted in the classifieds: “For sale: cemetery plot, $200, so 
I don’t have to spend all eternity 
beside my ex!”


A few months ago, Hamas 
“arrested” a dolphin for being an 
Israeli spy. Readers of Reason 
magazine came up with titles for
 the film this action might inspire:

• Orcapussy
• Free Schmuelly
• Goldflipper
• The Porpoise-Driven Life
• Dolphinfidel

` ``````````

The Best of The Onion Magazine Covers

• “I Thought He Was Going to Kill Me”: One Woman’s Harrowing Misunderstanding of How Haircuts Work

• The 100 Worst Senators

• The World’s 10 Most Powerful Women: We Make Them Discuss Fashion and Lindsay Lohan

Source: The Onion Magazine: The Iconic Covers That Transformed an Undeserving World (Little, Brown)


“Now hiring,” read the classified ad. “Cemetery superintendent. The ideal candidate must be able to supervise in a fast-paced environment.”


“Wanted to buy: playpen, cradle, high chair; also two single beds.”


Just because the items in these classified ads are free doesn’t mean they’re worth it:

• Free: Piano with matching bench seat, very good condition, all keys work probably

Source: Gettysburg Area Merchandiser

• Free: 5 kitchen drawers, all matching naughty pine fronts

Source: Topeka Capital-Journal

• Free Vain Screening

Source: Boston Globe

• Free rent in exchange for elderly woman


We all make mistakes. Some 
are just more public than others, 
like these real newspaper typos:

“Here the bridal couple stood, 
facing the floral setting, and exchanged cows.” Modesto News-Herald (California)

“It took many rabbits many years to write the Talmud.” Holland Evening Sentinel (Michigan)

“Mrs. ____ fell down stairs at her home this morning, breaking her myhodudududududududosy, and suffered painful injuries.” Ohio paper

“A headline in an item in the 
Feb. 15th edition incorrectly stated ‘Stolen Groceries.’ It should have read: ‘Homicide.’” Enquirer-Bulletin


Think the comments on Internet posts are tough? See what happened when the Washington Post asked its readers to write intentionally angry letters to actual headlines:

Headline: 20,000 Pound Pavement to Help Homeless

Response: “Are you people idiots? What the homeless need are homes, not ten tons of additional pavement!”

Headline: Maryland Agrees to 
Tobacco Settlement

Response: “Well, that’s all we 
need—an entire settlement of people devoted to their cancer sticks. What’s next, a drunk-driving commune?”

Headline: C.C. United Se Une 
Hoy a Campana Solidaria Pro 

Response: “I was disgusted with 
the sloppy spelling for [this] article. There were so many typos, I couldn’t understand a word.”


File These Headlines Under: We Don’t Even Want to Know.

•Firefighters Use Jaws of Life to Free High School Girl from Locker

•FDA Approves Third Silicone-Gel Breast Implant

•Missing Woman Unwittingly Joins Search Party Looking for Herself

•Woman’s “Stomach Bug” Actually Baby


A headline in my local newspaper: “Appleton Airport May Soon Be Known as Appleton Airport.”


Good morning everyboomie. wave2

Hump day already? headscratch

Here's a headline for you; Senior Survives Another Day, Celebrates By Reminiscing About Yesterday. woot

I am fondly remembering when I had a laptop that worked. razz

I sent my laptop in for repair, and I'm on my back-up laptop. taz

Now I remember why I quit using this one. hardwall

Hope they hurry with the despair, I mean the repair. wink

Have a happy day everyone. happydance


Posted By: soot

Re: Happy Hump Day - 02/14/18 02:59 AM

Gosh Joe...sure do hope you get your laptop fixed yes

Happy Hump day everyone

It's time for HQ Trivia

Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Happy Hump Day - 02/14/18 05:00 AM

Joe, I hope you get it back quickly!

soot, I had to look that up! How fun!

It's warming up here but still over a foot of snow on the ground so walking is great fun!

Have a great day!
Posted By: venus

Re: Happy Hump Day - 02/14/18 06:17 AM

Hope your laptop gets fixed quickly, Joe!

Like Ana, I also had to look this up. smile Have fun with HQ trivia, soot. thumbsup

Hope the snow melts, and it's easier to walk soon, Ana!

It's Tuesday night, and I'm off to sleep. It's going to be a long work day tomorrow. Wednesdays are always hard. crazy

Hope everyone has a terrific day. winter
Posted By: Kaki's Sister

Re: Happy Hump Day - 02/14/18 11:31 AM

Good Morning Joe, soot, Ana, venus and everyone. Joe love the funnies this morning! grin Hope you get your computer back soon! Soot enjoy your HQ Trivia! yes Ana hope the snow melts soon. Ours is all gone! happydance12 Venus hope you Wednesday is not to bad a work day. smile Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
wave Wishing you all a Happy Day! wave
Posted By: connie

Re: Happy Hump Day - 02/14/18 12:56 PM

Good morning everyone, have a Lovely Hump Day. hearts Happy Valentines Day flowers Lunch and Netflix with a friend. Queen of Hearts at the Eagles tonight. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, French Toast, and Bacon in the NC. kitty
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Happy Hump Day - 02/14/18 04:18 PM

Happy Hump Day and Happy Valentine's Day ya'll puppy

Today is making bread day. And a little bit of vacuuming. Probably not much more. I hope you all have a wonderful day. wavegirl
Posted By: Sorta Blonde

Re: Happy Hump Day - 02/14/18 05:28 PM

BBQ place nearby sent out two-for-one coupons. My friend and I are going for lunch. Nice. He's treating!
Posted By: auntiegram

Re: Happy Hump Day - 02/14/18 08:35 PM

Up early to take a friend in for her last CAT Scan!!! No more chemo or radiation!!!!! happydance

Have a wonderfully lovely day everybody!!!!

Ana hope all the snow don't melt at once! eek

Gail and L4l hope you are both feeling better!! HUGS and prayers!

Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Happy Hump Day - 02/14/18 09:29 PM

BBQ sounds wonderful, Sorta wave

Nan, that is wonderful news for your friend!
Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Happy Hump Day - 02/15/18 03:35 AM

Nan, that is so awesome!!!

Nighty night all. Another long day winds down..
Posted By: venus

Re: Happy Hump Day - 02/15/18 06:25 AM

Good night, everyone. sleep
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