GB HOMEPAGE

TGIF

Posted By: gymcandy1

TGIF - 02/23/18 01:29 AM

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson~
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One day a duck walks in a store and ask the manager if they sell grapes. The manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes." The duck goes home and comes back the next day and asks the same question. The manager says the same thing again, "No, we do not sell grapes." The duck goes home, comes back the next day, and asks the manager if they sell grapes. This time the manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes! If you ask one more time, I will nail your beak to the floor!" The duck goes home. It comes back the next day and asks the manager if he has any nails. The manager says, "No, I don't have any nails." The duck says, "Okay, good. Do you sell grapes?"

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There are three friends named Mad, Brain, and Fight. One day Fight went missing and his friends Mad and Brain started searching for him. Then Brain said, "Mad, let's file a missing person report with the police." When they were about to walk into the police station, Brain said, "Mad, you go and make the report. I will wait for you here." Mad said, "Okay." Mad walked in but no police officers paid attention to him. Then he saw a policeman drinking a cup of coffee. Mad went to the officer, smacked the table, and the cup of coffee flew in the air, landing in the officer's lap. Angry, the policeman asked, "Are you looking for a fight?" Mad replied, "Yes, I am." The policeman asked, "Are you mad?" Mad replied, "Yes, I am Mad." The policeman then asked, "Don't you have a brain?" Mad replied, "Brain is outside sir."

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Two blondes walk beside each other down the street. One of them sees a broken piece of mirror on the ground, grabs it, looks at it and says, "This girl looks so familiar, but I can't remember where I know her from." The other girl grabs it from her hand, takes a look at it, and says, "It's me you idiot!"

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A guy is sitting at a bar, and a drunk dude walks up to him, calling his mom a pig. The first guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk dude comes back saying, "Your mom is a pig!" The first guy looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk dude walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a pig!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what, Dad? Just go home!"

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Two mental patients were walking next to a swimming pool. One jumped into the pool and the other jumped in to save him. Their doctor saw the rescue and called the rescuer to his office. "Due to your actions, it appears your mental state is fine," the doctor said to the patient, "You can go home to your family, but before you do, you should know that the person you saved hung himself today." The patient replied, "He didn't hang himself; I hung him there to dry."

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A doctor tells an old couple at his office he needs to get a stool sample, a urine sample, and a blood test from the old man. Hard of hearing, the old man asks his wife what the doctor said. The wife replies, "He needs a pair of your underwear."

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In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin." Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."

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A mother tells her little boy, "Johnny, you mustn't eat too many lollies or I'll hide the lolly jar." Johnny asks, "Why?" His mother says, "Because something bad will happen! Your tummy will blow up big like a balloon and then pop!" The next day at church, the boy is sitting next to a pregnant woman. He points to her belly smiling and says, "I know what you've been doing!"

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An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened. She replies, "Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!"

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The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

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Three elderly men are taking a walk outside their nursing home. The first one says, "Windy, isn't it?" The second one says, "No, it's Thursday!" The third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

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There were two cannibals who captured a man. They decided it would be fair if they started eating from opposite ends. After a few minutes, the one who started at the head asked the other one, "How's it going down there?" And the other one replies, "Super, I'm having a ball!"

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A man was walking down the street and saw a sign in a store window that said "Help Wanted," so the man ran in the store and yelled out, "What's wrong?!"

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Good morning everyboomie. wave2


I'm still pecking on the old laptop and waiting for the other one to get here. rolleyes


What I would really like to do is go take my shower before my shows come on. snicker


I think the dogs would love me to go get my shower too. Then they could have the whole blanket. puppy


We have a little Beau visiting again. razz


Other than that, it's still cold and rainy, and tomorrow is more of the same. wink


Maybe I'll just grab a bar of soap and go outside and shower. thumbsup


Forget that, who needs soap? woot


Have a happy day everyone.


joe
Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 02/23/18 05:30 AM

I'm happy you got Beau again, Joe! Is she there for the weekend?

In answer to your question, I have about 20 regulars and then about another 20 that are every now and then. There are only two (same household) that I am not sad if I can't fit in and I'm happy someone else takes. I really love them all, they are such a happy loving bunch of pups!

Have a happy day all! It's FRiday!!!
Posted By: venus

Re: TGIF - 02/23/18 07:10 AM

Joe, hope your laptop arrives soon! Have fun with Beau. woot

Glad you're having fun with the dogs, Ana! puppy

It's Thursday night, and I'm up late because it doesn't matter. grin My 3 day weekend begins tomorrow! joy Tomorrow, I plan to practice and game. The practice will help prepare me for my voice lesson on Saturday, the gaming . . . not so much. lol

Have a fantastic Friday, everyone. winter
Posted By: Kaki's Sister

Re: TGIF - 02/23/18 10:46 AM

Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and all. Joe have fun with beau! Ana it's nice when you enjoy your Job! Venus relax and enjoy your 3 days off! Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
Wishing everyone a Happy Friday! wave
Posted By: connie

Re: TGIF - 02/23/18 12:34 PM

Good morning everyone, have a Great TGIF. It's in the upper 80's here, way to Hot for Feb. That's about 15 degrees above normal. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. wave2
Posted By: soot

Re: TGIF - 02/23/18 01:46 PM

TGIF Joe Ana Venus Gerry Connie and the rest of the gang when you're up and at em laugh

woot The weekend's eve has arrived

I'll have a cuppa and Danish to go please

See you all after work wave2
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 02/23/18 04:13 PM

Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Hot hot hot.. thinking I heard 83 thrown around on the news today. They are saying 70's for next week, so that will be much more seasonable.

I'm thinking tax work will be on the agenda for today. wave
Posted By: gymcandy1

Re: TGIF - 02/23/18 04:20 PM

Good morning Ana, Venus, Gerry, Connie, Soot, and all. wave2

It's another soggy morning here. We had a very heavy thunderstorm during the night. yes

More rain in the forecast from now through tomorrow afternoon, should have the creeks above flood stage. yay

I certainly have a growing lake in my yard. razz

I may do some fishing this afternoon. snicker


Well last night at about 8:00 I received an email from UPS that my scheduled delivery had been rescheduled for today.....no later than 'end of day'. mad

This happens to me all too often with UPS. hardwall

I really need to go to Walmart for a lot of things, but I haven't decided whether to venture out in this weather or not. sherlock

Maybe after another cup of coffee things will be clearer.

Have a great day everyone.

joe


Edit: Good morning L4L. Hope you can stay cool today.
Posted By: Sorta Blonde

Re: TGIF - 02/23/18 06:06 PM

Woke up to high gusty winds and a raccoon under my house 'chittering' and then massive screeching and then more chittering for 2 hours. Either we have a mating pair or something was being attacked. I'm thinking the mating game. I finally got up and started stomping on my floor where I heard the noise and THEN got a phone call from my neighbor on the side street saying, "I was so scared! I was walking my dog and then this HUGE raccoon came running up the sidewalk at us and then right on by and went into my yard through a gap in the fence!" "The neighbor lady up the street was yelling at me to LOOK OUT!"

So we had a fun conversation about the raccoon which she described as about the side of a German shepherd but HUGE. The fur on raccoons is very very long and dense so it probably looked larger than it was, AND it was charging up the sidewalk right at her and then by. Wow. Must have been scary.

So the noises under the house stopped at the same time as she rang my phone, I'm guessing it was the same raccoon. Nothing in its mouth, so it didn't grab a cat or possum I guess. Won't know if it killed something under my house for a week or two until it starts smelling. Ugh.

Hope it was just a mating ritual and all is good. Not common for raccoons to be out in daylight. Wonder what the deal was.

Cold cold cold and windy windy windy. We are really truly getting Winter finally.
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 02/23/18 06:07 PM

Back from the park! Wanted to walk a little longer, but Keoki started to stumble a bit, so brought him on home.

Joe, you know if you go to Walmart, UPS will come and leave a notice that they tried to deliver but you weren't there. Or do you not have to sign for your computer?
Posted By: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 02/23/18 08:50 PM

Well we had another 6+ inches of snow over night and more to come Saturday night!! Have a little break from chop, chop, chopping veggies for the fish fry tonight!!

Have a lovely day everybody!!!

wave
Nan
Posted By: venus

Re: TGIF - 02/24/18 08:25 AM

Good night, everyone. sleep
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