Posted By: gymcandy1
Monday's - 04/02/18 02:15 AM
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.
~Andrew Jackson~
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The Best Redneck Jokes
Q: What is 35 feet long and has 42 teeth?
A: A bus full of rednecks.
One redneck to the other: Do you think I should tell my folks I’m adopted?
Redneck at the doctor: “Doc, I think I’m in trouble, I swallowed an ice cube 3 days ago and it ain’t come out yet.”
Q: What’s the downside of being a redneck kid at Christmas?
A: You just have one set of grandparents to get presents from.
How do you tell a redneck is married? There are tobacco spits on either side of his pickup truck.
Why do pigeons fly over trailer parks upside down? There’s nothing worth crapping on.
When two rednecks divorce, do they still remain family?
Redneck: "My girl broke up with me... at least she said we could still be cousins."
Why don’t rednecks get sick so often?
Germs have their pride too.
You know you might be a redneck when:
You see a "No crack" sign and you pull your pants up.
You see your f*arts as your best jokes.
The dog can’t help gagging whenever he sees you eat.
You finally get to cutting the grass and find a car.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your family tree is just one long trunk with no branches.
Your beard attracts birds.
You took out your toothpick only for wedding pictures.
Fast food is hitting a possum at 80 mph.
You've at least once hit a deer with your car because the food store was already closed.
You’ve ever had the thought rat traps made acceptable gifts.
A night trip to the bathroom involves mud boots.
People hear you coming in your car quite a long time before they get to see you.
You have lard on your bedside table.
You had to ditch your back seat bench so all your children could fit in.
Sixth grade is senior year.
You have a really bad fall and the one thing you save is your beer.
You had to buy a VCR because all the wrestling matches are on when you're at work.
You take your garbage to the dump and come back with more than you brought there.
They banned you from the zoo because you distress the monkeys.
You keep seeing your neighbors on Jerry Springer.
You know you might be a redneck woman if:
There’s a spit cup on your bedside table.
You have more than one fur coat – all home made.
When something should be stored cold, you put it in the shade.
You see family reunions as a good chance to meet boys and your mother agrees.
You've ever had to get financing for a tattoo.
You’ve been married three times but your in-laws are still the same people.
Preparing a bubble bath involves beans for dinner.
Your fridge and you weigh roughly the same.
You owe money at the dollar store.
The school encourages you to stay away from PTA meetings at your son’s school.
You can burp your name.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the new week.....as opposed to nude week, which doesn't come until after Memorial day.
I've gotta work on my tan before that gets here.
We are back down in the 60s for a few days here. The 50s for Monday actually. Guess I'll have to breakout my thermal underwear again.
Actually if I'm outsie early, with the wind blowing the way is does around here when you don't want it to, I really do wish I had thermals on.
Out at the sod farm you're in the wide open spaces, and the wind really pins your ears back, and makes your eyes and nose run like a faucet.
I don't plan on going back out there this week, but I might go to the creek. Not sure yet.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~Andrew Jackson~
````````````````
The Best Redneck Jokes
Q: What is 35 feet long and has 42 teeth?
A: A bus full of rednecks.
One redneck to the other: Do you think I should tell my folks I’m adopted?
Redneck at the doctor: “Doc, I think I’m in trouble, I swallowed an ice cube 3 days ago and it ain’t come out yet.”
Q: What’s the downside of being a redneck kid at Christmas?
A: You just have one set of grandparents to get presents from.
How do you tell a redneck is married? There are tobacco spits on either side of his pickup truck.
Why do pigeons fly over trailer parks upside down? There’s nothing worth crapping on.
When two rednecks divorce, do they still remain family?
Redneck: "My girl broke up with me... at least she said we could still be cousins."
Why don’t rednecks get sick so often?
Germs have their pride too.
You know you might be a redneck when:
You see a "No crack" sign and you pull your pants up.
You see your f*arts as your best jokes.
The dog can’t help gagging whenever he sees you eat.
You finally get to cutting the grass and find a car.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your family tree is just one long trunk with no branches.
Your beard attracts birds.
You took out your toothpick only for wedding pictures.
Fast food is hitting a possum at 80 mph.
You've at least once hit a deer with your car because the food store was already closed.
You’ve ever had the thought rat traps made acceptable gifts.
A night trip to the bathroom involves mud boots.
People hear you coming in your car quite a long time before they get to see you.
You have lard on your bedside table.
You had to ditch your back seat bench so all your children could fit in.
Sixth grade is senior year.
You have a really bad fall and the one thing you save is your beer.
You had to buy a VCR because all the wrestling matches are on when you're at work.
You take your garbage to the dump and come back with more than you brought there.
They banned you from the zoo because you distress the monkeys.
You keep seeing your neighbors on Jerry Springer.
You know you might be a redneck woman if:
There’s a spit cup on your bedside table.
You have more than one fur coat – all home made.
When something should be stored cold, you put it in the shade.
You see family reunions as a good chance to meet boys and your mother agrees.
You've ever had to get financing for a tattoo.
You’ve been married three times but your in-laws are still the same people.
Preparing a bubble bath involves beans for dinner.
Your fridge and you weigh roughly the same.
You owe money at the dollar store.
The school encourages you to stay away from PTA meetings at your son’s school.
You can burp your name.
````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the new week.....as opposed to nude week, which doesn't come until after Memorial day.
I've gotta work on my tan before that gets here.
We are back down in the 60s for a few days here. The 50s for Monday actually. Guess I'll have to breakout my thermal underwear again.
Actually if I'm outsie early, with the wind blowing the way is does around here when you don't want it to, I really do wish I had thermals on.
Out at the sod farm you're in the wide open spaces, and the wind really pins your ears back, and makes your eyes and nose run like a faucet.
I don't plan on going back out there this week, but I might go to the creek. Not sure yet.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
my eyes and nose run like a faucet with my allergies Joe; Woot, congratulations on finding a point and tip
Hope work goes well and flies. It's back to work for me also. 
It's going to be the last one for a while, as there are resets coming up for the next few weeks afterward. I can't rearrange the days on those, as they're group activities, and I have to schedule my other projects around them. That just means I'll have to appreciate this 3 day weekend that much more. 
Very happy to hear that as he originally told me Thursday. 
Rest of the family are well. 
It's great to see you! The great circle of life is not always kind to us.