Posted By: gymcandy1
Happy Hump Day - 08/01/18 12:35 AM
Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.
~Buddha~
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Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did I do on my research paper?
Teacher: Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in a random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the sentences you apparently kidnapped in the dead of night and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan of yours clearly seemed to be placed on the pages against their will. Reading your paper was like watching unfamiliar, uncomfortable people interacting at a cocktail party that no one wanted to attend in the first place. You didn’t submit a research paper. You submitted a hostage situation.
`````````
I’m now in high school, so when I ran into my third-grade teacher, I doubted she would remember me.
“Hi, Miss Butcher,” I said.
“Hi, Eddie,” she replied.
“So you do remember me?” I asked.
“Sure. You don’t always leave a good impression, but it is a lasting one.”
```````
I don’t want to brag or make anybody jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
``````
One hard thing to explain to teens is how legitimately exciting it used to be when someone would wheel in an overhead projector.
``````
A mother complained to my wife, a schoolteacher, that other students were stealing her daughter’s pencils.
“It’s not the money—it’s the principle,” she insisted. “My husband took those pencils from work.”
```````
“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” the teacher instructed her second-grade student.
“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant,” he answered.
“Umm … Do you know what pregnant means?”
“Yes,” said the boy. “It means carrying a child.”
```````
I recently ran into an old student of mine, who said, “I always liked you. You never had favorites. You were mean to everyone.”
```````
“Hurry up or we'll be late!” shouts a teacher to her kindergarten class.
“What's the rush?” a tot asks coolly.
“If we're late, we'll miss your next class!” the teacher reminds him.
The kid shrugs. “If you're in such a hurry, go on without us.”
```````
"How do you spell toad?" one of my first-grade students asked.
"We just read a story about a toad," I said, then helped him spell it out: "T-O-A-D."
Satisfied, he finished writing the story he'd begun, then read it aloud: "I toad my mama I wanted a dog for my birthday."
````````
A month after Donald MacDonald started at Harvard, his mother called from Scotland. "And how are the American students, Donald?" she asked.
"They’re so noisy," he complained. "One neighbor endlessly bangs his head against the wall, while another screams all night."
"How do you put up with it?"
"I just ignore them and play my bagpipes."
```````
After a day of listening to my eighth graders exchange gossip, I decided to quote Mark Twain to them: "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
After considering my words, one of my students asked, "What does it mean to remove all doubt?"
`````````
During my eighth-grade sex education class, no one could answer the question "What happens to a young woman during puberty?" So I rephrased it: "What happens to young women as they mature?"
One student answered: "They start to carry a purse."
``````
Question on second-grade math quiz: "Tony drank 1/6 of a glass of juice. Emily drank 1/4 of a glass of juice. Emily drank more. Explain."
My grandson's answer: "She was more thirsty."
```````
At a planning meeting at my college, I congratulated a colleague on producing some superb student-guidance notes explaining how to combat plagiarism.
"How long did it take you to write them?" I asked.
"Not long," he said. "I copied them from another university's website."
````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Hump Day already?
There's a reason I'm partial to Tuesday's. Mine was great!
It was almost like Fall this morning. I got up and saw it was 66 degrees, and I didn't even eat breakfast. I threw Missy in the truck and headed for the sod farm. Unfortunately there was no bare ground to walk, but Missy had a blast running through the wet grass.
I was back home by 9:00. After we had some bacon, I got on my computer for a while, then I noticed that it was still under 80 degrees, and I thought I should be mowing my yard while it's cooler, and also I should take Missy to the park.
I needed gasoline for my mower, so I drove to town and got gas, and stopped by the park on the way back and walked Missy again.
Then I mowed the lawn, and just as I finished my friend drove up with her little man Beau.
We visited for about an hour, and she left Beau for a couple of days.
It was still only 1:00 so I did some gaming, and then had a nap.
It was a real nice day, and I hope to do it again soon.
Have a happy hump day everyone.
joe
~Buddha~
````````
Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did I do on my research paper?
Teacher: Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in a random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the sentences you apparently kidnapped in the dead of night and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan of yours clearly seemed to be placed on the pages against their will. Reading your paper was like watching unfamiliar, uncomfortable people interacting at a cocktail party that no one wanted to attend in the first place. You didn’t submit a research paper. You submitted a hostage situation.
`````````
I’m now in high school, so when I ran into my third-grade teacher, I doubted she would remember me.
“Hi, Miss Butcher,” I said.
“Hi, Eddie,” she replied.
“So you do remember me?” I asked.
“Sure. You don’t always leave a good impression, but it is a lasting one.”
```````
I don’t want to brag or make anybody jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
``````
One hard thing to explain to teens is how legitimately exciting it used to be when someone would wheel in an overhead projector.
``````
A mother complained to my wife, a schoolteacher, that other students were stealing her daughter’s pencils.
“It’s not the money—it’s the principle,” she insisted. “My husband took those pencils from work.”
```````
“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” the teacher instructed her second-grade student.
“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant,” he answered.
“Umm … Do you know what pregnant means?”
“Yes,” said the boy. “It means carrying a child.”
```````
I recently ran into an old student of mine, who said, “I always liked you. You never had favorites. You were mean to everyone.”
```````
“Hurry up or we'll be late!” shouts a teacher to her kindergarten class.
“What's the rush?” a tot asks coolly.
“If we're late, we'll miss your next class!” the teacher reminds him.
The kid shrugs. “If you're in such a hurry, go on without us.”
```````
"How do you spell toad?" one of my first-grade students asked.
"We just read a story about a toad," I said, then helped him spell it out: "T-O-A-D."
Satisfied, he finished writing the story he'd begun, then read it aloud: "I toad my mama I wanted a dog for my birthday."
````````
A month after Donald MacDonald started at Harvard, his mother called from Scotland. "And how are the American students, Donald?" she asked.
"They’re so noisy," he complained. "One neighbor endlessly bangs his head against the wall, while another screams all night."
"How do you put up with it?"
"I just ignore them and play my bagpipes."
```````
After a day of listening to my eighth graders exchange gossip, I decided to quote Mark Twain to them: "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
After considering my words, one of my students asked, "What does it mean to remove all doubt?"
`````````
During my eighth-grade sex education class, no one could answer the question "What happens to a young woman during puberty?" So I rephrased it: "What happens to young women as they mature?"
One student answered: "They start to carry a purse."
``````
Question on second-grade math quiz: "Tony drank 1/6 of a glass of juice. Emily drank 1/4 of a glass of juice. Emily drank more. Explain."
My grandson's answer: "She was more thirsty."
```````
At a planning meeting at my college, I congratulated a colleague on producing some superb student-guidance notes explaining how to combat plagiarism.
"How long did it take you to write them?" I asked.
"Not long," he said. "I copied them from another university's website."
````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Hump Day already?
There's a reason I'm partial to Tuesday's. Mine was great!
It was almost like Fall this morning. I got up and saw it was 66 degrees, and I didn't even eat breakfast. I threw Missy in the truck and headed for the sod farm. Unfortunately there was no bare ground to walk, but Missy had a blast running through the wet grass.
I was back home by 9:00. After we had some bacon, I got on my computer for a while, then I noticed that it was still under 80 degrees, and I thought I should be mowing my yard while it's cooler, and also I should take Missy to the park.
I needed gasoline for my mower, so I drove to town and got gas, and stopped by the park on the way back and walked Missy again.
Then I mowed the lawn, and just as I finished my friend drove up with her little man Beau.
We visited for about an hour, and she left Beau for a couple of days.
It was still only 1:00 so I did some gaming, and then had a nap.
It was a real nice day, and I hope to do it again soon.
Have a happy hump day everyone.
joe
Coffee, tea and birthday cake in the diner to celebrate!
