Posted By: gymcandy1
Happy Hump Day - 11/21/18 12:29 AM
A quick word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said ”no”.
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~Woody Allen~
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Good Clean Jokes | Part 4
Best first:
Little Johnny: Odd. First my parents teach me to walk and talk, and then they want me to sit down and shut up all the time.
````
Mother: Eat your bread.
Child: I don’t like bread. Why do I have to eat the bread.
Mother: So you become big and strong.
Child: Why do I have to become big and strong?
Mother: So you can provide the daily bread to your family.
Child: But I don’t like bread!
````
A guy calls the fire department and yells excitedly: “You have to come, now, there’s a fire!”
“OK sir, but please tell us how do we get to you.”
The man asks, puzzled: “What, you don’t have them big red trucks anymore?”
````
Life Hack:
If you’re tired of waiting at a restaurant, just call their number and ask if they also deliver to table 16.
````
That moment when you’ve changed your answer in an exam in the very last second and later you realize the original answer was correct.
````
Why didn’t the dinosaur cross the road?
Because there weren't even any roads during the Jurassic Period!
````
Hello doctor, can you look at my laptop?
-
Why?
-
I think it's caught a virus.
````
Paul to Jane: Would you like to be my girlfriend?
Jane: That’s a bit direct. Can’t you come up with something more beautiful?
Paul: I tried, but they said no.
````
The local minister sees that every morning, some apples on his tree are missing. He makes a sign:
God sees everything.
The next morning, somebody writes under it: Yes, but he’s not a snitch.
````
Q: How many times could old Noah go fishing?
A: Twice. He only had 2 worms.
````
What did one candle say to the other?
-
A: I'll be going out tonight.
````
Financially I‘m set for life. Provided I die next Wednesday.
````
An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his cell phone.
"Honey," she says in a worried voice, "please be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the highway."
"Oh it's worse than that," he replies, "there are hundreds of them!"
````
How did the barber win the race?
-
He took a short cut.
````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to Wednesday.
I just got back from the weather station. They said we had a really nice day today.
I thought so.
This whole week is nice. Thursday we'll be mostly sunny and 61 degrees.
I always have to check the weather before I come here to post.
Besides having something to talk about, I figured I should let everyone here know exactly what to expect in case you decide to come down here and visit me in the next few days.
I could even post my daily dining menu if you want.
Let me know, and have a happy where you are.......if you're not coming here.
joe
-
~Woody Allen~
`````````````
Good Clean Jokes | Part 4
Best first:
Little Johnny: Odd. First my parents teach me to walk and talk, and then they want me to sit down and shut up all the time.
````
Mother: Eat your bread.
Child: I don’t like bread. Why do I have to eat the bread.
Mother: So you become big and strong.
Child: Why do I have to become big and strong?
Mother: So you can provide the daily bread to your family.
Child: But I don’t like bread!
````
A guy calls the fire department and yells excitedly: “You have to come, now, there’s a fire!”
“OK sir, but please tell us how do we get to you.”
The man asks, puzzled: “What, you don’t have them big red trucks anymore?”
````
Life Hack:
If you’re tired of waiting at a restaurant, just call their number and ask if they also deliver to table 16.
````
That moment when you’ve changed your answer in an exam in the very last second and later you realize the original answer was correct.
````
Why didn’t the dinosaur cross the road?
Because there weren't even any roads during the Jurassic Period!
````
Hello doctor, can you look at my laptop?
-
Why?
-
I think it's caught a virus.
````
Paul to Jane: Would you like to be my girlfriend?
Jane: That’s a bit direct. Can’t you come up with something more beautiful?
Paul: I tried, but they said no.
````
The local minister sees that every morning, some apples on his tree are missing. He makes a sign:
God sees everything.
The next morning, somebody writes under it: Yes, but he’s not a snitch.
````
Q: How many times could old Noah go fishing?
A: Twice. He only had 2 worms.
````
What did one candle say to the other?
-
A: I'll be going out tonight.
````
Financially I‘m set for life. Provided I die next Wednesday.
````
An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his cell phone.
"Honey," she says in a worried voice, "please be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the highway."
"Oh it's worse than that," he replies, "there are hundreds of them!"
````
How did the barber win the race?
-
He took a short cut.
````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to Wednesday.
I just got back from the weather station. They said we had a really nice day today.
I thought so.
This whole week is nice. Thursday we'll be mostly sunny and 61 degrees.
I always have to check the weather before I come here to post.
Besides having something to talk about, I figured I should let everyone here know exactly what to expect in case you decide to come down here and visit me in the next few days.
I could even post my daily dining menu if you want.
Let me know, and have a happy where you are.......if you're not coming here.
joe
My visits are spread out so will run errands in between. 
I still haven't decided whether I'll do my remaining projects on Thursday or Friday. I'll probably decide at the last minute on Thursday morning. 
Wishing everyone a warm sunny day! 
i'm glad you're having wonderful weather 
try to stay warm - i'm throwing you a hot chocolate your way 
,venus grab a blanket on your day off and have a hot chocolate watching a great movie.. 
, Kakis' Sister 
thanks and wishing you a terrific day. 
look who beat me to the diner ... it's L4L 
