Posted By: gymcandy1
Tuesday Joe's - 11/27/18 01:28 AM
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my food, I don’t even know where Sandwiches live.”
–
~Bill Murray~
````````````
What do you call an alligator who knows his way around?
-
A navigator.
````
Do you know what makes me smile?
-
My facial muscles.
````
A dung beetle goes into a bar and asks, "Yo, is this stool taken?"
````
My mom loves gardening. She was so excited that spring finally arrived, she wet her plants.
````
Little Johnny complains to mom at home, “Mom, our teacher really doesn’t know anything. He keeps asking us!”
````
Johnny, how did your school report turn out? asks mother. "Come on mom, the most important thing is that I’m healthy!“
````
Little Johnny walks a cow through the village square.
-
The mayor sees him and asks, “Hey Johnny, where are you going with the cow?”
-
“I’m taking her to the bulls so she would get pregnant,” answers Johnny.
-
The mayor is shocked, “Surely your father had better be doing that?”
-
Little Johnny thinks about it for a bit and shakes his head, “Nah, I think it’s really best left with the bulls.”
````
Teacher: "Why are you praying in class little Johnny?”
-
Little Johnny: “My mom taught me to always pray before going to sleep."
````
– Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?
– Because I helped her.
– But that is a good thing! What did you help her with?
– I helped her eat her gummy bears.
````
“So what have you been doing at school today, Johnny?”
-
“I don’t really want to talk about it mom. You’ll see it later on the news, anyways.”
````
Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”
-
Mrs Roberts is shocked, “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!”
-
Little Johnny is relieved, “OK Mrs Roberts, sorry, I haven’t done my homework.”
````
Little Johnny asks his mum, “Mum, do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time in a faraway land’?”
-
“No darling,” says his mother, somewhat distressed, “Sometimes, they can begin with ‘I’ve got too much work in the office tonight, I’ll be home later’.”
````
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, “Dad, tomorrow there’s a special ‘Adults’ evening’ at school.
-
Daddy is surprised, “Really? Special?”
-
“Yes,” nods Johnny, “it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers.”
````
Teacher tells little Johnny off, “You know very well you can’t sleep in my class, Johnny.”
-
Johnny admits, “Yes, I know miss. But maybe, if you didn’t speak quite so loud, I could.”
````
Good morning everyboomie.
Ready for A new day?
Monday was on the cool side for us. We got up in the mid 40s. Very little wind which meant I was ok wearing my shorts.
We're to be a little warmer each day, getting back up in the mid 60s, and then the mid 70s by Friday.
I hope those of you who are caught in the big snow can stay toasty and safe.
Time to watch some football now. The Texans are about to play the Titans, or, the old Houston team against the new Houston team.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
–
~Bill Murray~
````````````
What do you call an alligator who knows his way around?
-
A navigator.
````
Do you know what makes me smile?
-
My facial muscles.
````
A dung beetle goes into a bar and asks, "Yo, is this stool taken?"
````
My mom loves gardening. She was so excited that spring finally arrived, she wet her plants.
````
Little Johnny complains to mom at home, “Mom, our teacher really doesn’t know anything. He keeps asking us!”
````
Johnny, how did your school report turn out? asks mother. "Come on mom, the most important thing is that I’m healthy!“
````
Little Johnny walks a cow through the village square.
-
The mayor sees him and asks, “Hey Johnny, where are you going with the cow?”
-
“I’m taking her to the bulls so she would get pregnant,” answers Johnny.
-
The mayor is shocked, “Surely your father had better be doing that?”
-
Little Johnny thinks about it for a bit and shakes his head, “Nah, I think it’s really best left with the bulls.”
````
Teacher: "Why are you praying in class little Johnny?”
-
Little Johnny: “My mom taught me to always pray before going to sleep."
````
– Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?
– Because I helped her.
– But that is a good thing! What did you help her with?
– I helped her eat her gummy bears.
````
“So what have you been doing at school today, Johnny?”
-
“I don’t really want to talk about it mom. You’ll see it later on the news, anyways.”
````
Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”
-
Mrs Roberts is shocked, “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!”
-
Little Johnny is relieved, “OK Mrs Roberts, sorry, I haven’t done my homework.”
````
Little Johnny asks his mum, “Mum, do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time in a faraway land’?”
-
“No darling,” says his mother, somewhat distressed, “Sometimes, they can begin with ‘I’ve got too much work in the office tonight, I’ll be home later’.”
````
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, “Dad, tomorrow there’s a special ‘Adults’ evening’ at school.
-
Daddy is surprised, “Really? Special?”
-
“Yes,” nods Johnny, “it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers.”
````
Teacher tells little Johnny off, “You know very well you can’t sleep in my class, Johnny.”
-
Johnny admits, “Yes, I know miss. But maybe, if you didn’t speak quite so loud, I could.”
````
Good morning everyboomie.
Ready for A new day?
Monday was on the cool side for us. We got up in the mid 40s. Very little wind which meant I was ok wearing my shorts.
We're to be a little warmer each day, getting back up in the mid 60s, and then the mid 70s by Friday.
I hope those of you who are caught in the big snow can stay toasty and safe.
Time to watch some football now. The Texans are about to play the Titans, or, the old Houston team against the new Houston team.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Trade you? 
Time to get some more practice in and maybe a game or two.
It's back to work for me tomorrow. Hope they fix the air conditioning at your work soon! That can't be fun. 
