Joe's Tuesday

We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet.

Rita Rudner
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More Funny Things That Happened at the Doctor’s Office


Overheard at the nurses’ station


A gentleman calls our office with questions about an upcoming test he is scheduled for, and we talk 
at length about the procedure.

Patient: I’m sorry to have so many questions.

Me: Oh, that’s no problem. You can always call and ask for clarification when you need it.

Patient: Thank you very much, Clara Fication! You’ve been very helpful. —Source: notalwaysright.com

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After discussing a patient, the 
doctor ended his conversation by telling me, “I love you.” Following an awkward pause, he said, “I’m sorry, you were telling me what to do, so it made me think I was speaking with my wife.” —Source: Scrubs magazine

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I was working in a long-term-care facility, and there was a celebration for one of the residents. It was her 100th birthday. She was quite somnolent as the party began, so I asked her, “Do you know how old you are today?”

“No, how old am I?”

“You’re 100 years old.”

“Well, no wonder I’m so tired.” —Source: healthdegrees.com

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Scene: I answer a patient’s phone call …

Me: Dermatology, how may I help you?

Patient: Hi, I just had an autopsy. I’d like to know my results. —Source: notalwaysright.com

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A car belonging to a pregnant patient was broken into. The only thing that was stolen was 
a wine bottle in a brown paper bag. It turns out, that’s where she was keeping her urine sample, which she’d brought in to be tested. —Janet Grow, Overland Park, Kansas

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I asked a young mother in our neonatal unit why she thought we had so many expectant mothers from her small town. She said, “Well, we don’t have cable.” —Source: Scrubs magazine

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The doctor explained to his 
patient that she suffered from 
cervicitis, or inflammation of the cervix. Concerned, she demanded that he test her husband for it, too.

The doctor assured her, “I’m 
positive your husband does not have cervicitis.”

She shot back, “How do you know? You haven’t examined him yet.” —Roianne Lope, Pine Hill, New Jersey

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Lawyer: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

Doctor: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Lawyer: And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time? —Source: rinkworks.com

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Lawyer: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?

Doctor: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. —Source: rinkworks.com

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Lawyer: Now, Doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning? —Source: rinkworks.com

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I was coming to just as my doctor was finishing my colonoscopy. Feeling some pressure “back there,” I reached down and patted the doctor on the head.

“It’s OK, Yehudi,” I said. “Just go back to sleep.”

Yehudi is the name of my dog. —Sherry Moore, Eau Claire, Wisconsin

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When I went to the ER to have a painful ingrown toenail removed, 
I was a complete basket case—
sobbing, gagging, petrified … the works. But my doctor knew how to calm me down.

“Don’t worry about a thing,” he 
assured me. “I just looked up how to perform this operation on YouTube.” —Chelsea Bender, 
Hamburg, Pennsylvania

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The day after I had surgery on my leg, a nurse came into my hospital room with a box in her hand. “Are you ready for this?”

“What is it?” I asked.

“Fleet enema. Didn’t your doctor tell you about it?”

“No.”

She rechecked the orders. “Whoa!” she bellowed. “That didn’t say fleet enema. It said feet elevated!” —Julia Fussell, 
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

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Patient: I’m worried about this birthmark.

Doctor: Birthmark, you say? How long have you had it? —Source: overheardintheoffice.com

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When 
he brought the many pieces back to the optometrist to have the glasses replaced, the assistant asked what had happened.

“They fell under the lawn mower,” he explained.

“Oh,” she said, nodding. “Were you wearing them at the time?” —Susan Strong, 
South Glastonbury, Connecticut

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Actual stories ripped from the headlines:

“Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison” —Source: kizaz.com

“Elderly woman breaks hip at Niagara hospital, told by staff to call ambulance” —Source: the Toronto Star

“Breathing oxygen linked to staying alive” —Source: Masoc County News (Texas)

“Troopers: Trucker pulling his own tooth caused accident that congested I-20/59” —Source: al.com

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Patients reported that they suffered from these ailments. Can you decipher what they meant and come up with the correct malady?

1) “Immaculate degeneration”

2) “Liza Minnelli”

3) “Smiling mighty Jesus”

4) “Fireballs of the universe”

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1) Macular degeneration

2) Salmonella

3) Spinal meningitis

4) Fibroids of the uterus

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Good morning everyboomie.


I'm running late tonight. Been working on my bathroom and 'Ahm tard'.


I couldn't find a linen cabinet that I liked for my bathroom, so I ordered one from Wayfair, and I went back to working on the other bathroom just to have something to do.


It was colder than the moon this morning (18 degrees),so I didn't get to town until about 1:00, and didn't get started working until after 2:00, and I am very impatient, so I didn't want to stop working until it was almost all done.


I've gotta go fix dinner now. I'm thinking I'll have chocolate chip cookies and milk.


Have a happy Tuesday everyone.


joe

Joe, that dinner is going to put you back on your diet! Bathrooms are coming together nicely!

It was -20 windchill yesterday and a miserable day to be a dog walker. Today will be a little better.

Have a great day all!

Ana

Sounds like you're doing well with the bathrooms, Joe. Sounds like a great dinner, also.

Hope it's warmer for you this time, Ana! How do the dogs react to the cold? Do they seem okay, or is it too much for them sometimes?

It's Monday night, and I'm off to sleep. I have one more day off tomorrow. I have to make sure to get some practice in this time.

Have a great Tuesday, everyone.

watching court shows and soap opera

Good morning Joe hehehe i love your dinner but i don't think it's the way to go lol

Hello Ana i'm glad mother nature is being a bit kinder to you today.

G'Day family happy tv time..

Hiya Venus have a great nights sleep and lovely morning

Happy gaming Boomers

Good Morning Joe, Ana, family, venus, Taintedfury and everyone. Joe keep up the good work! Ana that is cold!! Family enjoy. Taintedfury hope all is well with you. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
Have a Great day everyone!

Good morning everyone, have a Super Tuesday. Lunch and Netflix with a friend today. Dinner and Karaoke at 8-8 Panda tonight. Danish, Eggs, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and Biscuits in the NC.

Terrific Tuesday ya'll

We have blue skies and bright sun It is cold though..one of the few days I've had the heater on. I am getting ready to do some deep cleaning and cleaning out in the kitchen. I am sure once I get into that I'll be turning the heat off quickly.

Joe, have fun with your remodel.

Good afternoon Boomers. Good to see you looney.

Hey Ho Joe Ana Venus Family TaintedFury Gerry Connie L4L and SQF!

It's almost time for bed

Good night, everyone.

Good Morning Kaki's Sister tvym currently all is good, i will be going next week to my mothers place to spend a couple of weeks with her, i'll be taking her to get a new stove as well as helping her out with shopping...looking forward to seeing her. i hope you have a great day to Kaki.

G'Day Soot , Looney , connie & Spacequestfan wishing you all a wonderful breadfast and a fantastic day..


Hot weather has currnetly eased and we're having a much cooler day with cloudy sky's here - Have a fabulous day all.