Posted By: gymcandy1
Joe's Saturdiner - 03/08/19 11:58 PM
My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard and earned an online college degree.
—@SCbchbum
``````````````````````
Mom and Dad told Julia, our granddaughter, that she was going to have a baby sister or brother. “It’s a secret and we don’t tell secrets,” they said.
In Sunday school class, Julia’s teacher asked if anyone had a prayer request. Julia said, “I don’t tell secrets, but it’s going to be born next summer.”
````
While our great-granddaughters were getting ready for bed on Christmas Eve, Molly had a loose tooth that she wanted to pull.
Addison said, “Don’t you dare pull that tooth out tonight because the Tooth Fairy wants to be with her family.”
Molly waited until Christmas to pull her tooth.
````
My grandson picked up his son, Graham, after work and asked him what he had for lunch.
Graham said, “Cold.” Turns out, they had chili.
````
When my son, William, was young, we belonged to a small country church. On Communion day, deacons would pass around the “bread and juice.”
One Sunday, we attended a church out of town that was more formal. What our church called bread and juice, this one referred to as elements, a word William didn’t understand.
As Communion began, the pastor said, “If the deacons will come forward, the elements will pass among us.”
William was suddenly excited and I didn’t know why. Then he leaned toward me, whispering something that caused me to burst out laughing. With all eyes on us, I took him by the hand and we made a hasty exit.
All the way to the car, he protested. “Mom, we’re going to miss the circus. The pastor said the elephants were going to pass among us!”
````
Pollen and allergies got the best of Liam, my 9-year-old son, so he stayed home from school with his grandma. When I got home from work, he said he had brushed our dog, Abby.
Knowing that I kept the dog’s brush up out of reach so she couldn’t chew on it, I asked, “How did you know where I keep Abby’s brush?”
He gave me a puzzled look and said matter-of-factly, “I didn’t. I used your brush.”
````
Several years ago we headed to a nearby town to visit some relatives. I had a new car and was having fun driving fast on the twisty country roads.
As we zoomed along, I noticed a three-legged chicken keeping pace with me. I slowed to get a better look at the speedster when it turned and went down a dirt road. I stopped, turned around and followed it.
After a short ride, we came upon a house with an older couple sitting on the porch and dozens of three-legged chickens in the yard.
I asked them, “Are these your chickens? They’re the fastest I’ve ever seen.” The old man said, “Yep.” So I asked him where they came from, and he replied, “When the kids were younger, they always fought over the chicken legs, so we decided to breed a three-legged chicken.”
I nodded and said, “Well, they are fast, but what do they taste like?” He admitted, “Not rightly sure; we never could catch one.”
````
While walking along a trail, my 7-year-old grandson, Ryan, commented, “There’s a fork in the road back there.”
“Really?” I asked, imagining someone’s missing silverware. But then a thought occurred to me. “Oh, was it a plastic one?”
Laughing hysterically, Ryan said, “No, Grandma, it’s where the road splits in two!”
````
My 7-year-old, Ethan, was excited about his turn for show-and-tell coming up. He asked if he could bring our dog. Ethan has a classmate who has severe allergies to nuts, and I wanted to be sure his friend wasn’t affected by nonfood allergies. “Is your classmate allergic to dogs?” I asked. Ethan replied, “I don’t know. Do dogs have nuts in them?”
````
Last year my youngest granddaughter, Samantha Grace, started kindergarten. After a few days, she came home and said, “Grandpa, I learned the slide rule today.” I was happy to hear that she was learning something new and really pleased it was about math. I asked her to explain it, and she said, “Only one kid on the slide at a time.”
So much for math!
````
After a long Thanksgiving Day of eating and playing, my 3-year-old granddaughter asked her mother to carry her. When I asked if her legs were broken, Aislin said, “Yes, they’re out of batteries.”
````
One fall day my daughter, Mia, and her boys were walking in the garden so she could show them the autumn harvest. Making sure they looked where they
were stepping, she said, “Watch out for the butternut squash.” My 4-year-old grandson, Sawyer, asked, “Better not squash what?”
````
Our 8-year-old granddaughter Raven, a city girl, asked to help me cook. “Get some potatoes out of that red basket,” I said. The potatoes were starting to sprout but were still usable. She hurried over to the basket but didn’t come back. I looked that way and saw that she was just standing there. “Raven, are you going to get those potatoes?” I asked.
Looking a bit bewildered, she replied, “Grandma, did you know your potatoes have thorns?”
````
A grandpa told his grandson that ballpoint pens hadn’t yet been invented when he was a boy. “Was that back when they used feathers?” the child asked.
````
My sister is a teacher in our rural district. During afternoon class, she had a flyswatter hanging out of her back pocket. One of her students said “she looked like she was fixin’ to show a hog”!
````
“I would like vitamins for my son,” a mother said. “Vitamin A, B or C?” the pharmacist asked. “It doesn’t matter,” the mother replied. “He can’t read yet.”
````
My wife noticed an interesting home advertised in the local paper and decided to visit the open house. Upon arrival she thought it strange that there was no “for sale” sign, but the front door was unlocked, so she walked in. A man was sleeping on the living room couch, and a woman stepped around the corner with a dishtowel in her hands. The man awoke and the three of them stared at each other with surprise. My wife, realizing her mistake, blurted out, “I guess this isn’t the open house,” and retreated to her car as the man and woman watched her through a window. Looking over her notes, she realized she was on 12th Place instead of 12th Street. Embarrassed and rattled, she drove home without viewing the open house.
````
Good morning everyboomie.
Is everyone ready for the weekend?![[Linked Image]](https://cheesebuerger.de/images/midi/musik/a014.gif)
I'll probably do more of what I've been doing, some home projects.![[Linked Image]](https://cheesebuerger.de/images/smilie/haushalt/k038.gif)
I started doing some painting on the cabinet I hung in the laundry room, and then I looked around to see what else I could paint, and I realized my kitchen cabinets were really distressed so........![[Linked Image]](https://cheesebuerger.de/images/midi/haushalt/a034.gif)
I painted the lower cabinets, and then the baseboard in the kitchen.
It was a really nice day. Overcast but warm enough to wear my shorts to the park and show off my Lilley white legs.![[Linked Image]](https://cheesebuerger.de/images/smilie/sportlich/a020.gif)
Charlsye must be busy with her mom or something, so still no visit from her and Beau.![[Linked Image]](https://cheesebuerger.de/images/smilie/froehlich/d030.gif)
Have a happy day and a great weekend everyone.![[Linked Image]](https://cheesebuerger.de/images/smilie/froehlich/a040.gif)
joe
—@SCbchbum
``````````````````````
Mom and Dad told Julia, our granddaughter, that she was going to have a baby sister or brother. “It’s a secret and we don’t tell secrets,” they said.
In Sunday school class, Julia’s teacher asked if anyone had a prayer request. Julia said, “I don’t tell secrets, but it’s going to be born next summer.”
````
While our great-granddaughters were getting ready for bed on Christmas Eve, Molly had a loose tooth that she wanted to pull.
Addison said, “Don’t you dare pull that tooth out tonight because the Tooth Fairy wants to be with her family.”
Molly waited until Christmas to pull her tooth.
````
My grandson picked up his son, Graham, after work and asked him what he had for lunch.
Graham said, “Cold.” Turns out, they had chili.
````
When my son, William, was young, we belonged to a small country church. On Communion day, deacons would pass around the “bread and juice.”
One Sunday, we attended a church out of town that was more formal. What our church called bread and juice, this one referred to as elements, a word William didn’t understand.
As Communion began, the pastor said, “If the deacons will come forward, the elements will pass among us.”
William was suddenly excited and I didn’t know why. Then he leaned toward me, whispering something that caused me to burst out laughing. With all eyes on us, I took him by the hand and we made a hasty exit.
All the way to the car, he protested. “Mom, we’re going to miss the circus. The pastor said the elephants were going to pass among us!”
````
Pollen and allergies got the best of Liam, my 9-year-old son, so he stayed home from school with his grandma. When I got home from work, he said he had brushed our dog, Abby.
Knowing that I kept the dog’s brush up out of reach so she couldn’t chew on it, I asked, “How did you know where I keep Abby’s brush?”
He gave me a puzzled look and said matter-of-factly, “I didn’t. I used your brush.”
````
Several years ago we headed to a nearby town to visit some relatives. I had a new car and was having fun driving fast on the twisty country roads.
As we zoomed along, I noticed a three-legged chicken keeping pace with me. I slowed to get a better look at the speedster when it turned and went down a dirt road. I stopped, turned around and followed it.
After a short ride, we came upon a house with an older couple sitting on the porch and dozens of three-legged chickens in the yard.
I asked them, “Are these your chickens? They’re the fastest I’ve ever seen.” The old man said, “Yep.” So I asked him where they came from, and he replied, “When the kids were younger, they always fought over the chicken legs, so we decided to breed a three-legged chicken.”
I nodded and said, “Well, they are fast, but what do they taste like?” He admitted, “Not rightly sure; we never could catch one.”
````
While walking along a trail, my 7-year-old grandson, Ryan, commented, “There’s a fork in the road back there.”
“Really?” I asked, imagining someone’s missing silverware. But then a thought occurred to me. “Oh, was it a plastic one?”
Laughing hysterically, Ryan said, “No, Grandma, it’s where the road splits in two!”
````
My 7-year-old, Ethan, was excited about his turn for show-and-tell coming up. He asked if he could bring our dog. Ethan has a classmate who has severe allergies to nuts, and I wanted to be sure his friend wasn’t affected by nonfood allergies. “Is your classmate allergic to dogs?” I asked. Ethan replied, “I don’t know. Do dogs have nuts in them?”
````
Last year my youngest granddaughter, Samantha Grace, started kindergarten. After a few days, she came home and said, “Grandpa, I learned the slide rule today.” I was happy to hear that she was learning something new and really pleased it was about math. I asked her to explain it, and she said, “Only one kid on the slide at a time.”
So much for math!
````
After a long Thanksgiving Day of eating and playing, my 3-year-old granddaughter asked her mother to carry her. When I asked if her legs were broken, Aislin said, “Yes, they’re out of batteries.”
````
One fall day my daughter, Mia, and her boys were walking in the garden so she could show them the autumn harvest. Making sure they looked where they
were stepping, she said, “Watch out for the butternut squash.” My 4-year-old grandson, Sawyer, asked, “Better not squash what?”
````
Our 8-year-old granddaughter Raven, a city girl, asked to help me cook. “Get some potatoes out of that red basket,” I said. The potatoes were starting to sprout but were still usable. She hurried over to the basket but didn’t come back. I looked that way and saw that she was just standing there. “Raven, are you going to get those potatoes?” I asked.
Looking a bit bewildered, she replied, “Grandma, did you know your potatoes have thorns?”
````
A grandpa told his grandson that ballpoint pens hadn’t yet been invented when he was a boy. “Was that back when they used feathers?” the child asked.
````
My sister is a teacher in our rural district. During afternoon class, she had a flyswatter hanging out of her back pocket. One of her students said “she looked like she was fixin’ to show a hog”!
````
“I would like vitamins for my son,” a mother said. “Vitamin A, B or C?” the pharmacist asked. “It doesn’t matter,” the mother replied. “He can’t read yet.”
````
My wife noticed an interesting home advertised in the local paper and decided to visit the open house. Upon arrival she thought it strange that there was no “for sale” sign, but the front door was unlocked, so she walked in. A man was sleeping on the living room couch, and a woman stepped around the corner with a dishtowel in her hands. The man awoke and the three of them stared at each other with surprise. My wife, realizing her mistake, blurted out, “I guess this isn’t the open house,” and retreated to her car as the man and woman watched her through a window. Looking over her notes, she realized she was on 12th Place instead of 12th Street. Embarrassed and rattled, she drove home without viewing the open house.
````
Good morning everyboomie.
Is everyone ready for the weekend?
I'll probably do more of what I've been doing, some home projects.
I started doing some painting on the cabinet I hung in the laundry room, and then I looked around to see what else I could paint, and I realized my kitchen cabinets were really distressed so........
I painted the lower cabinets, and then the baseboard in the kitchen.
It was a really nice day. Overcast but warm enough to wear my shorts to the park and show off my Lilley white legs.
Charlsye must be busy with her mom or something, so still no visit from her and Beau.
Have a happy day and a great weekend everyone.
joe
