Tuesday's Diner

Posted By: gymcandy1

Tuesday's Diner - 03/18/19 10:50 PM

What does it mean if a black squirrel crosses your path? Will I have adorably bad luck?


The water I was heating for pasta refused to boil, and if my 12-year-old son was right, I wasn’t helping by constantly checking on it.

“It’s like that old saying,” he said. “ ‘A watched website never loads.’ ”


Ah, marriage. I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years: “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?”

She answered, “I do.”


My young son ran to me, crying. “Daddy, I stubbed my toe,” he sobbed.

“Let me kiss it and make it better,” I said. “Which toe was it?”

“The one that has no roast beef.”


Scene: Me using the Siri app on my iPhone.

Me: Siri, call my wife.

Siri: Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts.

Me: Samantha Gibbs is my wife.

Siri: I’ve added Samantha Gibbs as your wife.

Me: Call my wife.

Siri: Which wife?


My teenage patient’s mother was concerned. “He must have a temperature,” she said. “He hasn’t taken our motorcycle out all day.”

“Let me ask you,” I said. “Do you have a thermometer?”

“No,” she said. “A Kawasaki.”


“Why did you choose a college so far from home?” I asked my British student.

She explained that she’d fallen 
in love with the American West by watching Westerns. So when it came time to apply for colleges, she Googled “Western universities.”

And that’s how she ended up here, at Western Carolina University.


I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know.

“Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since 
I don’t understand Chinese, I’m not your best option. You need someone who is fluent in this specific language. See?”

He said he did and thanked me.

The next morning, I got a call from another developer asking, “Why is 
So-and-So asking us if we’re fluent 
in Chinese?”


At the age of 55, I finally got 
my bachelor’s degree and set out to 
become a substitute teacher. One day, a seventh grader asked if I’d been teaching long.

“Actually, I’m brand-new,” I told him. “I just graduated.”

Looking me up and down, he asked, “How long were you in college?”


We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that 
fact. Anytime someone asked what his father did, he’d say, “He’s in the Army.” I told him umpteen times, “Stop telling people I’m in the Army!” It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form 
for kindergarten, under “father’s 
profession,” the teacher wrote, “He doesn’t know what his father does, but he’s not in the Army.”


As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, the woman next to me mentioned that she makes a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold.

I nodded knowingly. “It’s the early signs of typothermia.”


A friend was ordering her meal at a drive-through when she noticed she could get a side dish gratis.

“And I’ll take the free wiffie also,” she said.

“What?” asked the clerk.

“The free wiffie,” she said, pointing to the sign.

“Ma’am, that’s ‘Free Wi-Fi.’ ”


Recently, I woke up to find that two of my car’s tires had been stolen. When the police officer arrived, he asked, “When were you last driving the car?”

“Last night at 11:00,” I said.

“And the tires were on it then?”


Scene: A secondhand movie 
exchange …

Me: Do you have the DVD of 

Clerk: Is that a documentary?


My husband and I were relaxing on lounge chairs on a Jamaica beach, half listening to a couple walking 
ankle deep in the clear water. The woman was extolling the beauty of the island when suddenly she let out a scream.

“Oh!” she shrieked. “There are fish in here!”


After Thanksgiving dinner, the adults gathered in the living room to exchange reminiscences, while the children went into the family room to play. Suddenly our hostess noticed that an elderly relative was missing. “Where’s Aunt Florence?” she asked.

From across the room came a masculine drawl, “Oh, she’s with the kids, bridging the generation gap.”


I worked on a toll road, answering the phone, collecting money and issuing toll tickets. One Thanksgiving Day, a woman called to ask about road conditions on the turnpike. After I said everything was A-okay, she told me a friend was coming for dinner. Then came the stumper. “If my friend just left from exit twelve,” she asked, “what time should I put the turkey in?”


Good morning everyboomie. wave2

Your Tuesday has arrived. My Monday arrived with Spring splendor. It was just really nice once the chill dissipated.

I ran to Lowe's to return some door hinges that I didn't like, and get some different ones. After I got back home I found out the new hinges would not work either. slapforehead

Lowe's did not have a sale on the mulch that I wanted, so I'll wait. They may have a sale this weekend on it, or next week. yes

Well, I'm still not happy with my front door, and I was really not happy with my porch color. The color was so bright with the sun shining off of it that it blinded me when I looked out. eek

So, I ran back to town to Walmart, and I bought a couple of different paints for the door, and a much darker color for my porch, which I have already put two coats on. lol

It's the same color as my roof (chocolate brown). I was worried about having it that dark, but it looks ok I think. duh

I've gotta finish the front door,and then I have new screen wire for my storm door which has holes in it. tired

Busy busy busy

I may go back out to the sod farm Tuesday. happydance

Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup

Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Tuesday's Diner - 03/19/19 01:57 AM

You had quite the full day, Joe! I hope that you like the way it all looks tomorrow in the morning light. Hope you get to the sod farm!

Have a happy Day all!

Ana wave
Posted By: venus

Re: Tuesday's Diner - 03/19/19 04:21 AM

Have a great Tuesday Joe, Ana and all who follow. wave

Today was much worse than I thought it would be, and tomorrow is going to be a crazy day as well. crazy Running off to bed, as I'm late. lol

Have a great Tuesday, everyone. cat
Posted By: Kaki's Sister

Re: Tuesday's Diner - 03/19/19 08:35 AM

Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and everyone. Joe hope you get to the sod farm today. Ana how are you doing? Venus sorry you have another crazy work day! Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
danceWishing everyone a stress free day! dance
Posted By: Taintedfury

Re: Tuesday's Diner - 03/19/19 08:58 AM

Good Morning everyone wavegirl

Back at home as I had to cut my trip short with my back out redface, going to ring doctors in the morning to make a appointment.....Mum (Mom) slowing moving on since Dads death and is managing to be independent. hug

Well at least typing on a computer is easier than a mobile..

G'day Joe sherlock when it comes to the house it never least grab a rest when you can and enjoy yourself at the sod farm. wave2

Hiya Ana puppy wishing you a beautiful sunny day. urock

Venus catrub hoping you can grab some time off soon and sweet dreams.

Kaki's Sister: enjoy your breaky and have a fantastic day.

Wishing all Boomers a wonderful day and happy gaming
Posted By: connie

Re: Tuesday's Diner - 03/19/19 11:56 AM

Good morning everyone, have a Great Tuesday. Lunch and Netflix with a friend. We are watching Where Goes the Heart. Dinner and Karaoke at 8-8 Panda tonight. Danish, Eggs, Grits Hash Browns BB Pancakes, Bacon, and Biscuits in the NC. kitty
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Tuesday's Diner - 03/19/19 04:52 PM

Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

It's cool in AL but should be in the mid 60's before the day is out.

Joe, sorry you are having to re-do your porch. DIY sometimes goes that way.

I'm cooking books today. Always fun rotfl

Have a great day wavegirl
Posted By: family

Re: Tuesday's Diner - 03/19/19 06:59 PM

watching court shows and soap opera
Posted By: soot

Re: Tuesday's Diner - 03/20/19 01:33 AM

Hola Cola everyone laugh

I flat ran out of time this morning...

Last chore done and it's time for bed

Sleep well everyone sleep
Posted By: venus

Re: Tuesday's Diner - 03/20/19 03:44 AM

Good night, everyone. sleep
Posted By: Taintedfury

Re: Tuesday's Diner - 03/20/19 08:05 AM

G'day & G'night connie, family, Looney, family, Soot& Venus happy gaming wave2
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