Hump Day Joe's

Posted By: gymcandy1

Hump Day Joe's - 03/19/19 11:56 PM

How classical maestros also used their batons to stab each other in the back:

•“If he had been making shell 
casings during the war, it might 
have made for better music.”
Camille Saint-Saëns, on Maurice Ravel

•“Wagner has beautiful moments but awful quarters of an hour.”
Gioachino Rossini, on Richard Wagner

•“I liked the opera very much. 
Everything but the music.”
Benjamin Britten, on Igor Stravinsky


Our eldest daughter, Ann, invited her college roommate to join our large family for Thanksgiving dinner. As families sometimes do, we got into a lively argument over a trivial subject until we remembered we had a guest in our midst. There was an immediate, embarrassed silence.

“Please don’t worry about me,” she said. “I was brought up in a family too.”


The checkout clerk at the supermarket was unusually cheerful even though it was near closing time. “You must have picked up a ton of groceries today,” a customer said to the checker. “How can you stay so pleasant?”

“We can all count our blessings,” the clerk replied. “The hardest part of this job is the turkeys and the watermelons. I just thank God that Thanksgiving doesn’t come in July.”


When a music student brought his French horn to my shop for repair, he complained that the instrument “felt stuffy” and he couldn’t blow air through it. It’s not unusual to find partial blockages in brass instruments if small items get lodged in the tubing, but when I tested the instrument, the horn was completely blocked. After much probing and prodding, a small tangerine dropped out of the bell.

“Oh,” said the musician when I handed him the fruit. Seeing the bewildered look on my face, he explained, “My mom used the horn for a cornucopia in a Thanksgiving centerpiece.”


As I entered the elevator 
at our hospital, a disheveled-
looking man rushed in behind me carrying a ceramic blue baby bootie filled with carnations.

I smiled knowingly and asked, 
“Does he look like you?”

“I hope not,” he said. “I just deliver flowers.”


A student seeking a job at our university was handed an application. He dutifully filled out his name and address. When it came to the entry “length of residence,” he wrote: “Approximately 30 feet.”


Recently I heard the former mayor of Reading, Pennsylvania, 
recount some funny stories about his time in office. One happened while he was running for reelection; he was in a bar and paid for a 
woman’s drink. She thanked him but wondered why a stranger had 
bought her a beer.

“I’m running for mayor,” he told her, “and I want your vote.”

“You got it,” she said, grabbing her glass. “Anyone’s better than the jerk who’s in there now.”


A woman called the Colorado State Division of Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard. “Can you tell me what kind it is?” she asked.

“Can you describe it?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said. “It’s long and thin.”


One of our interns asked 
another if she was planning to sign up for the company’s 401(k).

“I’m considering it,” replied the second intern.

Later, the first intern approached me looking concerned.

“I did the math,” she said, “and 401K is almost 250 miles. She’ll never make it!”


Just because the items in these classified ads are free doesn’t mean they’re worth it:

• Free: Piano with matching bench seat, very good condition, all keys work probably

Source: Gettysburg Area Merchandiser

• Free: 5 kitchen drawers, all matching naughty pine fronts

Source: Topeka Capital-Journal

• Free Vain Screening

Source: Boston Globe

• Free rent in exchange for elderly woman



The first time my mother flew, she was a nervous wreck. During takeoff, the roar from the engines proved 
reassuring—it meant they were working, she reasoned. But when the plane leveled off, so did the engines. Grabbing the armrests, she asked aloud, “Did we stop?”


I’m now in high school, so when I ran into my third-grade teacher, I doubted she would remember me.

“Hi, Miss Butcher,” I said.

“Hi, Eddie,” she replied.

“So you do remember me?” I asked.

“Sure. You don’t always leave a good impression, but it is a lasting one.”


My three-year-old sat in the bathroom with me, watching as I 
removed my dentures and brushed them. After a few minutes, he asked, “Can you take your ears off too?”


We were stocking up on 
green beans at the farmers’ market when we asked the young girl 
helping us for 15 pounds’ worth.

“I can only sell you ten pounds of beans,” she said.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because my scale only goes up to ten pounds.”


The DMV was as crowded and noisy as ever. When I finally got to the 
window, I asked the clerk, “Does the never-ending line of loud people ever drive you crazy?”
She shook her head. “We call it job security.”


Dad rarely dresses up, so when he left the bedroom decked out in a suit and tie, he wanted to commemorate the moment. Handing me a camera, he asked, “Mind taking a selfie of me?”


Scene: Me driving by a Taco Bell.

Sign: Now Hiring Managers.

[Two weeks later …]

Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.


Good morning everyboomie. wave2

Welcome to the day after. joy2

Well after 70degrees on Tuesday, we're only going to be 58 on Hump Day, but 60% chance of rain. woot

We really need to rain. They are harvesting the sod in the right area at the farm, but it needs rain on it to uncover stuff. yes

I went out and walked around for 3 hours today, and I found one broken point, and 3 or 4 scrapers. woot

It was a perfect day for it though, and Missy had a blast. lab

People are already mowing their yards here. shocked

IWish everyone a very happy day after. urock

Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day Joe's - 03/20/19 01:16 AM

Joe, I'm still waiting for things to dry out here! The rivers are over the banks and the ground is like walking on wet sponges. That is great you found some things!

Have a great day all! A long one for me! And then another long one and then an easy one!!
Posted By: soot

Re: Hump Day Joe's - 03/20/19 01:36 AM

Good morning everyone...

woot Joe...more treasure, that's great

TaintedFury I hope your back heals soon and me both with hectic days...yuck...hope we fair better today

Don't know what I'd do without your coffee and Danish Gerry and Connie

Have a great day Family

hearts L4L

Stay Out Of Trees everyone

Posted By: venus

Re: Hump Day Joe's - 03/20/19 03:52 AM

Congratulations on your finds, Joe. woot

Hope you get through your long days with a minimum of stress, and enjoy your easy day coming up, Ana. smile

Soot, I hope we fair better today, also! yes

It's Tuesday night, and I'm off to sleep. I have another work day coming up, but it should be shorter than the previous days. Definitely shorter than Monday, which I swear actually lasted an extra day. lol Today I had six stores, so it was a long day, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, as everything went relatively smoothly.

Okay, off to sleep. Have a great Wednesday, everyone. cat
Posted By: family

Re: Hump Day Joe's - 03/20/19 04:25 AM

watching court shows and soap opera
Posted By: Kaki's Sister

Re: Hump Day Joe's - 03/20/19 08:47 AM

Good Morning all. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready. hamster Wishing you all a Great Day! hamster
Posted By: connie

Re: Hump Day Joe's - 03/20/19 10:18 AM

Good morning everyone, have a Super Hump Day. Danish, Eggs, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and Biscuits in the NC. wave2
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day Joe's - 03/20/19 04:12 PM

Happy Hump Day ya'll puppy

Making bread and doing laundry and not sure what else....possibly a walk in the park depending on the bread. Have a great one wavegirl
Posted By: venus

Re: Hump Day Joe's - 03/21/19 03:05 AM

Good night, everyone. sleep
Posted By: Taintedfury

Re: Hump Day Joe's - 03/21/19 09:44 AM

Hi and grats to your finds Joe sherlock, Ana bravo really hope your longs days go smoothly for you, Venus sleepsleep well , family hamster enjoy your shows, Kaki's sister spring have a great day, Soot carthanks very much -it's slightly better but not able to get into the doctors till the 3rd April so I'm with cold packs and massager at the moment ah the joys hehehe, Looney lab and connie joy have a wonderful day and happy breaky. wave2
Happy gaming all penguin
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