Posted By: gymcandy1
Thumping Thursday's Diner - 04/17/19 11:12 PM
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21,
I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
~Mark Twain~
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Funny Headlines
Red Cross in Search of Donors With Low Blood Supply
—Source: Sandusky Register
````
Woman With Arms Held
—Source: Times of India
````
Motorcycle Deaths Drop, But Trend Is Worrisome
—Source: Yahoo.com
````
Pasco Man Arrested, says 48 Beers Was Likely 10 Too Many
—Source: St. Petersburg Times
````
Lady Gaga Fan Dies at Concert, Recovers
—Source: The Tennessean
````
Poverty, Hunger Go Together
—Source: The Advertiser (Bastrop, Texas); contributed by Jeneva Leifester, Bastrop, Texas
````
Wisconsin Woman Takes Husband to Police for “Talking Stupidly”
—Source: La Crosse (Wisc.) Tribune headline
````
Self-Proclaimed Invisible Man No Show at Court Hearing
—Source: The Daily Herald (Provo, Utah)
````
SUV Crashes Into House After Suffering Seizure
—Source: Great Falls Tribune (Montana); submitted by Elva Pilling, Great Falls, Montana
````
Police Charge One-Armed Man With Unarmed Robbery
—Source: Masslive.com
````
Police Arrest Naked Man With Concealed Weapon
—Source: MSNBC.com; contributed by Linda Fabbri, Corbin, Kentucky
````
You’d die of embarrassment if these phrases appeared in your obituary:
“She leaves behind a brother and 117 cats.”
“Passed away in a failed stunt that has already been viewed more than 40 million times on YouTube.”
“Was always quick to point out others’ grammatical errors.”
“Survived by his parents and his animatronic wife, Elizabot.”
````
After J. K. Rowling announced that she might write a Harry Potter sequel—he was last seen as a married dad—The Week asked its readers to predict the title of the next book. Here’s what they divined:
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fiber
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Ask-Your-Mom
Harry Potter and the Financial Portfolio of Doom
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Kidney Stone
Harry Potter and the Quest to Buy a House in the Hogwarts School District
Harry Potter and the Quidditch Mom
````
It’s tough enough selling a home nowadays. Don’t make the mistakes that turned off these readers on the City Room blog of The New York Times:
• “It was a good house, well-maintained. But the bed with the person in it was off-putting.”
• “The family dog, long departed, was stuffed and standing next to the fireplace. RIP Sparky.”
• “The main distraction was dirt. Although there was the tiny child who proudly showed us the refrigerator full of ‘Daddy’s beer’ just outside an upstairs bedroom.”
````
Canada wants us to remember that it, too, is part of North America. So The Week asked its readers to come up with an eye-catching slogan for our neighbor to the north.
Canada: Where Your Cold Front Begins
Canada: It’s Not Just for Draft Dodgers Anymore
Canada: Land of Cheaper Drugs
Canada: Where Winter Spends the Summer
````
A newspaper editor missed this headline: “State population to double by 2040; babies to blame.”
````
Good morning everyboomie.
Another day......another 24 hours.
Wednesday was really nice here. It was overcast and breezy, and it felt very nice to be outside.
I didn't have much to do, but I did get up on my storage roof and remove the old satellite dish.
Took Missy walking and that's about it.
I have a lot of projects I want to do, but I have other priorities right now.
We have 5050 chance of rain tonight and the same in the morning.
We had a free preview of HBO last week and I recorded 46 episodes of GOT, so I've been watching a lot of that.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~Mark Twain~
````````````````````
Funny Headlines
Red Cross in Search of Donors With Low Blood Supply
—Source: Sandusky Register
````
Woman With Arms Held
—Source: Times of India
````
Motorcycle Deaths Drop, But Trend Is Worrisome
—Source: Yahoo.com
````
Pasco Man Arrested, says 48 Beers Was Likely 10 Too Many
—Source: St. Petersburg Times
````
Lady Gaga Fan Dies at Concert, Recovers
—Source: The Tennessean
````
Poverty, Hunger Go Together
—Source: The Advertiser (Bastrop, Texas); contributed by Jeneva Leifester, Bastrop, Texas
````
Wisconsin Woman Takes Husband to Police for “Talking Stupidly”
—Source: La Crosse (Wisc.) Tribune headline
````
Self-Proclaimed Invisible Man No Show at Court Hearing
—Source: The Daily Herald (Provo, Utah)
````
SUV Crashes Into House After Suffering Seizure
—Source: Great Falls Tribune (Montana); submitted by Elva Pilling, Great Falls, Montana
````
Police Charge One-Armed Man With Unarmed Robbery
—Source: Masslive.com
````
Police Arrest Naked Man With Concealed Weapon
—Source: MSNBC.com; contributed by Linda Fabbri, Corbin, Kentucky
````
You’d die of embarrassment if these phrases appeared in your obituary:
“She leaves behind a brother and 117 cats.”
“Passed away in a failed stunt that has already been viewed more than 40 million times on YouTube.”
“Was always quick to point out others’ grammatical errors.”
“Survived by his parents and his animatronic wife, Elizabot.”
````
After J. K. Rowling announced that she might write a Harry Potter sequel—he was last seen as a married dad—The Week asked its readers to predict the title of the next book. Here’s what they divined:
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fiber
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Ask-Your-Mom
Harry Potter and the Financial Portfolio of Doom
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Kidney Stone
Harry Potter and the Quest to Buy a House in the Hogwarts School District
Harry Potter and the Quidditch Mom
````
It’s tough enough selling a home nowadays. Don’t make the mistakes that turned off these readers on the City Room blog of The New York Times:
• “It was a good house, well-maintained. But the bed with the person in it was off-putting.”
• “The family dog, long departed, was stuffed and standing next to the fireplace. RIP Sparky.”
• “The main distraction was dirt. Although there was the tiny child who proudly showed us the refrigerator full of ‘Daddy’s beer’ just outside an upstairs bedroom.”
````
Canada wants us to remember that it, too, is part of North America. So The Week asked its readers to come up with an eye-catching slogan for our neighbor to the north.
Canada: Where Your Cold Front Begins
Canada: It’s Not Just for Draft Dodgers Anymore
Canada: Land of Cheaper Drugs
Canada: Where Winter Spends the Summer
````
A newspaper editor missed this headline: “State population to double by 2040; babies to blame.”
````
Good morning everyboomie.
Another day......another 24 hours.
Wednesday was really nice here. It was overcast and breezy, and it felt very nice to be outside.
I didn't have much to do, but I did get up on my storage roof and remove the old satellite dish.
Took Missy walking and that's about it.
I have a lot of projects I want to do, but I have other priorities right now.
We have 5050 chance of rain tonight and the same in the morning.
We had a free preview of HBO last week and I recorded 46 episodes of GOT, so I've been watching a lot of that.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Well done on getting them all recorded! 
Happy Day wished for everyone! 
