Posted By: gymcandy1
Joe's Saturdiner - 04/27/19 12:33 AM
When it comes
to candy bars, the term fun-sized
is misleading. There is nothing fun about your candy bar being ⅛ the size of a regular bar. You should call them what they are:
“disappointment-sized.”
~Jimmy Kimmel~
`````````````````````````
Old Age Jokes
Q. How are stars like false teeth?
A. They both come out at night!
````
An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. “You’ve got to be kidding,” he said. “I’m almost 60 years old.” The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license. The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change. “The tip’s for carding me,” he said. The bartender put the change in the tip cup. “Thanks,” he said. “Works every time.”
````
The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Even his son turned up.
“How old are you?” a tenant asked.
“I’m 81 years old,” he answered.
The tenant shook her head. “They sure grow up fast, don’t they?”
````
Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. The Week asked its readers for titles of crime movies that could be made about this bust:
Golden Girls, Interrupted
The Lavender Hair Mob
Indicting Miss Daisy
No Country for Old Women
The Social Security Network
````
As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. I started to describe him: “He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly …”
She stopped me there. “Honey,” she said, “today is senior day. They all look like that.”
````
“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
````
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
—Jerry Seinfeld
````
When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. The soldier remarked, “How long was I in there for?”
````
After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
“I thought you were a ghost,” says the relieved teen. “What are you doing working so late?”
“Oh, those idiots,” grumbles the old man. “They misspelled my name!”
````
While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi.
“It’s taped under the modem,” I told him.
After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”
````
“What’s a hipster?” asked my four-year-old cousin.
“Someone who will wear something just to look different,” I said. “They’ll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses.”
“Is Grandma a hipster?” he asked.
````
Good morning everyboomer.
Welcome to the weekend!!!
I hope you all have great plans for it, and have great weather to help enjoy your great plans.
I did not have a good Friday, but I had a GREAT Friday.
It was a gorgeous day here, and I decided to go to the sod farm. We had a bunch of rain, and I could not resist the urge. I didn't want to mess my truck up after spending a half day cleaning it, but it was not very muddy out there. I drove across the pasture very slowly.
When I got back home I had no mud or grass on my running boards, or wheel wells.
I was able to find some stuff. I found a nice scraper first off, in the back corner. I dug around back there until I was sweating........like a greasy wash rag.
I went back up in the flat, where the sod was cut. It's Bermuda grass,and it's growing back pretty fast, but I was able to a couple of small rough points, and then some more scrapers. Please sir, I'd like some more.
No plans for Saturday except maybe to mow my lawn.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~Jimmy Kimmel~
`````````````````````````
Old Age Jokes
Q. How are stars like false teeth?
A. They both come out at night!
````
An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. “You’ve got to be kidding,” he said. “I’m almost 60 years old.” The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license. The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change. “The tip’s for carding me,” he said. The bartender put the change in the tip cup. “Thanks,” he said. “Works every time.”
````
The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Even his son turned up.
“How old are you?” a tenant asked.
“I’m 81 years old,” he answered.
The tenant shook her head. “They sure grow up fast, don’t they?”
````
Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. The Week asked its readers for titles of crime movies that could be made about this bust:
Golden Girls, Interrupted
The Lavender Hair Mob
Indicting Miss Daisy
No Country for Old Women
The Social Security Network
````
As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. I started to describe him: “He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly …”
She stopped me there. “Honey,” she said, “today is senior day. They all look like that.”
````
“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
````
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
—Jerry Seinfeld
````
When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. The soldier remarked, “How long was I in there for?”
````
After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
“I thought you were a ghost,” says the relieved teen. “What are you doing working so late?”
“Oh, those idiots,” grumbles the old man. “They misspelled my name!”
````
While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi.
“It’s taped under the modem,” I told him.
After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”
````
“What’s a hipster?” asked my four-year-old cousin.
“Someone who will wear something just to look different,” I said. “They’ll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses.”
“Is Grandma a hipster?” he asked.
````
Good morning everyboomer.
Welcome to the weekend!!!
I hope you all have great plans for it, and have great weather to help enjoy your great plans.
I did not have a good Friday, but I had a GREAT Friday.
It was a gorgeous day here, and I decided to go to the sod farm. We had a bunch of rain, and I could not resist the urge. I didn't want to mess my truck up after spending a half day cleaning it, but it was not very muddy out there. I drove across the pasture very slowly.
When I got back home I had no mud or grass on my running boards, or wheel wells.
I was able to find some stuff. I found a nice scraper first off, in the back corner. I dug around back there until I was sweating........like a greasy wash rag.
I went back up in the flat, where the sod was cut. It's Bermuda grass,and it's growing back pretty fast, but I was able to a couple of small rough points, and then some more scrapers. Please sir, I'd like some more.
No plans for Saturday except maybe to mow my lawn.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
I have one pup to walk and the rest of the day will be getting caught up on the computer work I have. 
Hope everyone has a Happy Saturday! 
Big grats on your finds.
wishing you a beautiful day and not too much rain but sunshine comes your way. 
try and keep dry happy Saturday. 
happy puppy walking and may your computer work fly by....happy Saturday to you as well. 