Posted By: gymcandy1
Monday's - 06/03/19 12:28 AM
Nobody wants a pain reliever that’s anything less than extra-strength: “Give me the maximum-allowable dosage. Figure out what will kill me, and then back it off a little bit.”
~Jerry Seinfeld~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dad Jokes
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My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
~~~~
Q. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
A. Because he was outstanding in his field.
~~~~
Q. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
A. There was nothing left but de Brie.
~~~~
Q. Our wedding was so beautiful …
A. Even the cake was in tiers.
~~~~
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite
~~~~
Q. I hate jokes about German sausages.
A. They’re the wurst.
~~~~
Q. Dad, can you put my shoes on?
A. I don’t think they’ll fit me.
~~~~
Q. Is this pool safe for diving?
A. It deep ends.
~~~~
Q. Can February March?
A. No, but April May
~~~~
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.
~~~~
Q. I’m reading a book on the history of glue.
A. I just can’t seem to put it down.
~~~~
Q. If prisoners could take their own mugshots what would they be called?
A. CELLphies
~~~~
Q. What did the ocean say to the sailboat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.
~~~~
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn’t know it was on fire.
~~~~
The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
~~~~
I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
~~~~
What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
~~~~
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
~~~~
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Those are great dad jokes huh? Corny as all get out.
I hope you all had a great weekend. I spent my Sunday working I'm afraid.
I started Sunday off by mowing the lawn. It was heavy overcast. I took Missy out walking, and decided to try and mow before it rained, which it never did.
It was cool anyway.
After that I went to finishing my kitchen floor.
I still need to buy all the caulking in Durant to fill the cracks and hide all my mistakes.
All of that crawling around on my hands and knees has left a lasting impression on my physique . My knees are shot, but my abs are looking a lot better.
Have a great Monday and happy new week everyone.
joe
~Jerry Seinfeld~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dad Jokes
~~~~~~~~
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
~~~~
Q. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
A. Because he was outstanding in his field.
~~~~
Q. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
A. There was nothing left but de Brie.
~~~~
Q. Our wedding was so beautiful …
A. Even the cake was in tiers.
~~~~
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite
~~~~
Q. I hate jokes about German sausages.
A. They’re the wurst.
~~~~
Q. Dad, can you put my shoes on?
A. I don’t think they’ll fit me.
~~~~
Q. Is this pool safe for diving?
A. It deep ends.
~~~~
Q. Can February March?
A. No, but April May
~~~~
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.
~~~~
Q. I’m reading a book on the history of glue.
A. I just can’t seem to put it down.
~~~~
Q. If prisoners could take their own mugshots what would they be called?
A. CELLphies
~~~~
Q. What did the ocean say to the sailboat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.
~~~~
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn’t know it was on fire.
~~~~
The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
~~~~
I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
~~~~
What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
~~~~
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
~~~~
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Those are great dad jokes huh? Corny as all get out.
I hope you all had a great weekend. I spent my Sunday working I'm afraid.
I started Sunday off by mowing the lawn. It was heavy overcast. I took Missy out walking, and decided to try and mow before it rained, which it never did.
It was cool anyway.
After that I went to finishing my kitchen floor.
I still need to buy all the caulking in Durant to fill the cracks and hide all my mistakes.
All of that crawling around on my hands and knees has left a lasting impression on my physique . My knees are shot, but my abs are looking a lot better.
Have a great Monday and happy new week everyone.
joe
Joe ... some touch ups and then you'll be done!
Enjoy your Monday everyone! 
I had the dogs with me, so knocking on the door and ringing the bell produced no result. Seagy was home but she is not a barker. Called son but he was not answering his phone. All the house phones are in my room, so no chance anyone would hear them in there. Called hubby, who texted son that mom was locked out. Walked around the house trying to figure if I could break in and decided I couldn't. Came back to knock and ring the bell nonstop on the chance someone would hear. Knocking, jiggling door handle (cos you know that will work) and ringing bell and ....what do you know....the door opened. It was locked but not pulled all the way shut (or else God took pity on me and my poor hot dogs). 
