Posted By: gymcandy1
Saturdiner - 06/14/19 11:54 PM
“The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children. “
~Clarence Darrow~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
~~~~
Man: How old is your father? Child: As old as me. Man: How it is possible?
Child: He became a father only when i was born.
~~~~
Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached? Student: When my father sees my report card!
~~~~
Mom: Why are you home so early?
Dad: My boss told me to go to hell.
~~~~
Dad: "Hey babe, you smell that?"
Mom: "No."
Dad: "Me neither, start cooking."
~~~~
Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown.
~~~~
My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.
~~~~
Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one can be very rough.
~~~~
Father's Day is just like Mother's Day, except on Father's Day you buy a cheaper gift.
~~~~
Most fathers want their sons to have things they never had, like A's on their report cards.
~~~~
Being a great father is like shaving.
No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.
~~~~
Well, an iPad would be nice for Father's Day, but I'd settle for 20 minutes of [blip] silence.
~~~~
Magician Jake: What does your father do for a living?
Matt: He's a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.
Jake: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Matt: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
~~~~
"Dad, are bugs good to eat?" asked the boy.
"Let's not talk about such things at the dinner table, son," his father replied.
After dinner the father inquired, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?"
"Oh, nothing," the boy said. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone."
~~~~
A Texan buys a round of drinks for the entire bar, announcing that his wife has just gave birth to their first child "a typical Texas" baby boy weighing 24 pounds.
Congratulations showered him from all around, along with many exclamations of "Wow!"
Two weeks later, the Texan returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth.
How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "18 pounds."
The bartender, puzzled and concerned, asks, "Why? What happened? He already weighed 24 pounds at birth."
The Texas father takes a slow swig from his longneck beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."
~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Your weekend has arrived, so belly up to the bar and order.
I'm starting to feel Summer now. We cracked that 90 degree mark today, and I found something inside to keep me busy.
The morning wasn't bad. I took Missy parking and it felt real good outside.
After that I spent most of the afternoon working in the front bathroom, redoing somethings that I wasn't happy with. It's been eating on me.
I'm very happy with the two bathrooms and kitchen right now.
Hopefully soon I can put new cabinets in the kitchen.
I wish everyone a super Saturday and a great weekend.
joe
~Clarence Darrow~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
~~~~
Man: How old is your father? Child: As old as me. Man: How it is possible?
Child: He became a father only when i was born.
~~~~
Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached? Student: When my father sees my report card!
~~~~
Mom: Why are you home so early?
Dad: My boss told me to go to hell.
~~~~
Dad: "Hey babe, you smell that?"
Mom: "No."
Dad: "Me neither, start cooking."
~~~~
Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown.
~~~~
My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.
~~~~
Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one can be very rough.
~~~~
Father's Day is just like Mother's Day, except on Father's Day you buy a cheaper gift.
~~~~
Most fathers want their sons to have things they never had, like A's on their report cards.
~~~~
Being a great father is like shaving.
No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.
~~~~
Well, an iPad would be nice for Father's Day, but I'd settle for 20 minutes of [blip] silence.
~~~~
Magician Jake: What does your father do for a living?
Matt: He's a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.
Jake: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Matt: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
~~~~
"Dad, are bugs good to eat?" asked the boy.
"Let's not talk about such things at the dinner table, son," his father replied.
After dinner the father inquired, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?"
"Oh, nothing," the boy said. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone."
~~~~
A Texan buys a round of drinks for the entire bar, announcing that his wife has just gave birth to their first child "a typical Texas" baby boy weighing 24 pounds.
Congratulations showered him from all around, along with many exclamations of "Wow!"
Two weeks later, the Texan returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth.
How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "18 pounds."
The bartender, puzzled and concerned, asks, "Why? What happened? He already weighed 24 pounds at birth."
The Texas father takes a slow swig from his longneck beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."
~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Your weekend has arrived, so belly up to the bar and order.
I'm starting to feel Summer now. We cracked that 90 degree mark today, and I found something inside to keep me busy.
The morning wasn't bad. I took Missy parking and it felt real good outside.
After that I spent most of the afternoon working in the front bathroom, redoing somethings that I wasn't happy with. It's been eating on me.
I'm very happy with the two bathrooms and kitchen right now.
Hopefully soon I can put new cabinets in the kitchen.
I wish everyone a super Saturday and a great weekend.
joe
I have a new boarder for the weekend, Nugget has company. 
Enjoy your Saturday Joe, soot, Ana, family and everyone! 
oh my Gerry ... how nice that must be before the summer temps are upon us
