Posted By: gymcandy1
Saturdiner - 07/12/19 11:00 PM
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
~George Carlin ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Birds Fly
Q: Why do birds fly to warmer climates in the winter?
A: It’s much easier than walking!
Smarter Than a Parrot
Q: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A: A spelling bee.
The Hospitalized Banana
Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital?
A: He was peeling really bad.
The Friendly Ocean
Q: How does the ocean say hello?
A: It waves.
The Fake Noodle
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An im-pasta.
The Problem With Atoms
Q: Why can’t you trust atoms?
A: They make up everything.
Plate Whisperer
Q: What did one plate whisper to the other plate?
A: Dinner is on me.
Why Dogs Can’t Dance
Q: Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
A: They have two left feet?
Again Snowman
Q: What do you call an old snowman?
A: Water.
The Imprisoned Picture
Q: Why was the picture sent to jail?
A: It was framed.
Tissue Dance
Q: How do you get a tissue to dance?
A: You put a boogie in it.
Baseball Hero
Q: Which superhero hits the most home runs?
A: Batman.
It Has Wheels and Flies
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.
The Problem With Baseball Stadiums
Q: Why is a baseball stadium always cold?
A: Because it’s full of fans!
Strongest Days of the Week
Q: What are the strongest days of the week?
A: Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weekdays.
The Astronaut’s Baby
Q: How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
A: You rocket!
Rich Elves
Q: What do you call a rich elf?
A: Welfy.
Giant Talk
Q: How do you talk to giants?
A: Use big words!
Broken Boomerangs
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A: A stick.
Tiny Beaches
Q: What washes up on really small beaches?
A: Micro-waves.
Octopus Laughs
Q: How do you make an octopus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles.
Cheese Propriety
Q: What do you call cheese that’s not your cheese?
A: Nacho cheese.
Artichoke Fatality
Q: How do you make an artichoke?
A: You strangle it.
The Bashful Tomato
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
The Cool ’Shrooms
Q: Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?
A: Because they’re such fungis!
Humpty Dumpty
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
A: To make up for his miserable summer.
The Scared Skeleton
Q: Why was the skeleton afraid of the storm?
A: He didn’t have any guts.
Writing Hands
Q: Which hand is better to write with?
A: Neither, it’s better to write with a pen.
The Sad Math Book
Q: Why did the math book look so sad?
A: Because of all its problems.
The Holy Water
Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it.
~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
I'm ready for it, are you too?
There's not much happening around here,so I'm not going to bore you with my......................boredom.
Have an awesome day everyone.
joe
~George Carlin ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Birds Fly
Q: Why do birds fly to warmer climates in the winter?
A: It’s much easier than walking!
Smarter Than a Parrot
Q: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A: A spelling bee.
The Hospitalized Banana
Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital?
A: He was peeling really bad.
The Friendly Ocean
Q: How does the ocean say hello?
A: It waves.
The Fake Noodle
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An im-pasta.
The Problem With Atoms
Q: Why can’t you trust atoms?
A: They make up everything.
Plate Whisperer
Q: What did one plate whisper to the other plate?
A: Dinner is on me.
Why Dogs Can’t Dance
Q: Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
A: They have two left feet?
Again Snowman
Q: What do you call an old snowman?
A: Water.
The Imprisoned Picture
Q: Why was the picture sent to jail?
A: It was framed.
Tissue Dance
Q: How do you get a tissue to dance?
A: You put a boogie in it.
Baseball Hero
Q: Which superhero hits the most home runs?
A: Batman.
It Has Wheels and Flies
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.
The Problem With Baseball Stadiums
Q: Why is a baseball stadium always cold?
A: Because it’s full of fans!
Strongest Days of the Week
Q: What are the strongest days of the week?
A: Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weekdays.
The Astronaut’s Baby
Q: How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
A: You rocket!
Rich Elves
Q: What do you call a rich elf?
A: Welfy.
Giant Talk
Q: How do you talk to giants?
A: Use big words!
Broken Boomerangs
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A: A stick.
Tiny Beaches
Q: What washes up on really small beaches?
A: Micro-waves.
Octopus Laughs
Q: How do you make an octopus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles.
Cheese Propriety
Q: What do you call cheese that’s not your cheese?
A: Nacho cheese.
Artichoke Fatality
Q: How do you make an artichoke?
A: You strangle it.
The Bashful Tomato
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
The Cool ’Shrooms
Q: Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?
A: Because they’re such fungis!
Humpty Dumpty
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
A: To make up for his miserable summer.
The Scared Skeleton
Q: Why was the skeleton afraid of the storm?
A: He didn’t have any guts.
Writing Hands
Q: Which hand is better to write with?
A: Neither, it’s better to write with a pen.
The Sad Math Book
Q: Why did the math book look so sad?
A: Because of all its problems.
The Holy Water
Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it.
~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
I'm ready for it, are you too?
There's not much happening around here,so I'm not going to bore you with my......................boredom.
Have an awesome day everyone.
joe
Makes it hard for bed time potty break. 
Have a Great Saturday everyone! 
