Posted By: gymcandy1
Thumping Happy Thursday - 09/04/19 11:31 PM
If you're going through hell, keep going.
~Winston Churchill~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yo momma so dumb, she tried to surf the microwave
~~~~
Her: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Him: Awww... Yes!!!
Her: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me
~~~~
I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey! The sign says you're open 24 hours." He Said, "Yes, but not in a row!"
~~~~
Yo mama is so ugly she made my happy meal cry
~~~~
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
~~~~
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
~~~~
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
~~~~
Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: "Put it on my bill."
~~~~
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to save a fish from drowning.
~~~~
There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
~~~~
Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."
~~~~
Q: What do you call a pig that does karate?
A: A pork chop.
~~~~
How did the blonde try to kill the bird?? She threw it off a cliff.
~~~~
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?" The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
~~~~
Q: What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
A: You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish.
~~~~
Q: Why did the fish blush?
A: Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
~~~~
THREE TREES AND A WOODPECKER
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into."
~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
It is the day after yesterday......whatever that was.
Oh I know, I know, it was the day after Tuesday. I was just kidding y'all.
What comes after Tuesday?
Morning, or afternoon I think.
Calling all party animals. Weekend two days away.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~Winston Churchill~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yo momma so dumb, she tried to surf the microwave
~~~~
Her: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Him: Awww... Yes!!!
Her: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me
~~~~
I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey! The sign says you're open 24 hours." He Said, "Yes, but not in a row!"
~~~~
Yo mama is so ugly she made my happy meal cry
~~~~
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
~~~~
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
~~~~
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
~~~~
Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: "Put it on my bill."
~~~~
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to save a fish from drowning.
~~~~
There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
~~~~
Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."
~~~~
Q: What do you call a pig that does karate?
A: A pork chop.
~~~~
How did the blonde try to kill the bird?? She threw it off a cliff.
~~~~
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?" The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
~~~~
Q: What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
A: You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish.
~~~~
Q: Why did the fish blush?
A: Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
~~~~
THREE TREES AND A WOODPECKER
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into."
~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
It is the day after yesterday......whatever that was.
Oh I know, I know, it was the day after Tuesday. I was just kidding y'all.
What comes after Tuesday?
Morning, or afternoon I think.
Calling all party animals. Weekend two days away.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Have a Super Thursday everyone! 
