Posted By: gymcandy1
Sip and Surf Sunday - 09/08/19 12:05 AM
But man is not made for defeat. A man can be destroyed but not defeated.
~Ernest Hemingway ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: How long does it take to know if a pair of underwear fits you well?
A: Just a brief moment!
~~~~
Q: What did the cannibal’s wife do when her husband came home an hour late for dinner?
A: She gave him the cold shoulder.
~~~~
The new draftee refused to march with his squad. Instead, he rode his invisible motorcycle beside them while making motorcycle noises. After a few weeks of this and several psychiatric exams, he was given a discharge. He rode his Hog to the main gate, propped it up on its invisible stand and walked out. “Hey,” called the gate guard. “You forgot your bike.”
“No,” replied the draftee, “I’m leaving it for the next guy who wants to get out.”
~~~~
A police officer in a small town stopped a driver speeding down the main street. The driver said he could explain why he was speeding, but the police officer said he was going to put him in jail until the Chief got back, but lucky for the driver that the chief will be in a good mood because he is at his daughter’s wedding. The driver said,
“Don’t count on it. I’m the groom.”
~~~~
A guy was in a bar drinking beer. He would finish his beer, pull out his wallet and look at a picture of his wife, order another beer take out his wallet and looks at a picture of his wife. He did this several times, finally, the bartender asks, why after you finish a beer you take out your wallet and look at a picture of your wife. The guy says as soon as she starts looking better to me, I go home.
~~~~
Why do cows never have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry!
~~~~
The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked. The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!”
“Rats!!” said the old man. “That must mean my hearing aid is up my......”
~~~~
A snail named Samuel just got a raise working as a realtor. He decided since he got this money he will get a custom sports car with a big “S” on the side to show everyone the car is his. While he’s flexing his new car down the streets of Los Angeles, he passes an elderly couple sitting on their porch. As he passes the man exclaims to his wife, ” Look at that S-Car-Go!”
~~~~
I visited the Air and Space Museum…Nothing was there.
~~~~
I used to work for an origami company until it folded.
~~~~
My memory is getting so bad, I asked the pharmacist, “Do you have any Acetylsalicylic acid?”
“You mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist.
“That’s it! I can never remember that word.”
~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
It's a good thing I posted early yesterday because just as soon as I had posted, my computer went dark.
My laptop is always on from dawn till bed time, plus I've spent countless hours gaming on it, so I'm not surprised it cashed it in, but that means I have to shell cash out for a new one.
I hopped in the truck and went to Walmart to see whet they had, and they didn't have anything even close to what I wanted.
I came home and fired up my desktop, and went on line and ordered an ASUS from the Exchange. It won't get here before next Thursday.
Fortunately I have my old Lenovo which I was able to get running. I hate this glitchy thing, but it's going to keep me sane for the next week.
I don't want to download all the games I have on Steam, and then do it again with the new computer, so very happily I've been able to get FEAR Perseus Mandate to install and play on this Lenovo, but FEAR Gold, and Extraction Point will not play on it.
I'll try some of my other games. It's hard to play anything on this computer because the mouse pad and input buttons on this thing are screwy.
I'll make do.
Have a super day everyone.
joe
~Ernest Hemingway ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: How long does it take to know if a pair of underwear fits you well?
A: Just a brief moment!
~~~~
Q: What did the cannibal’s wife do when her husband came home an hour late for dinner?
A: She gave him the cold shoulder.
~~~~
The new draftee refused to march with his squad. Instead, he rode his invisible motorcycle beside them while making motorcycle noises. After a few weeks of this and several psychiatric exams, he was given a discharge. He rode his Hog to the main gate, propped it up on its invisible stand and walked out. “Hey,” called the gate guard. “You forgot your bike.”
“No,” replied the draftee, “I’m leaving it for the next guy who wants to get out.”
~~~~
A police officer in a small town stopped a driver speeding down the main street. The driver said he could explain why he was speeding, but the police officer said he was going to put him in jail until the Chief got back, but lucky for the driver that the chief will be in a good mood because he is at his daughter’s wedding. The driver said,
“Don’t count on it. I’m the groom.”
~~~~
A guy was in a bar drinking beer. He would finish his beer, pull out his wallet and look at a picture of his wife, order another beer take out his wallet and looks at a picture of his wife. He did this several times, finally, the bartender asks, why after you finish a beer you take out your wallet and look at a picture of your wife. The guy says as soon as she starts looking better to me, I go home.
~~~~
Why do cows never have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry!
~~~~
The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked. The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!”
“Rats!!” said the old man. “That must mean my hearing aid is up my......”
~~~~
A snail named Samuel just got a raise working as a realtor. He decided since he got this money he will get a custom sports car with a big “S” on the side to show everyone the car is his. While he’s flexing his new car down the streets of Los Angeles, he passes an elderly couple sitting on their porch. As he passes the man exclaims to his wife, ” Look at that S-Car-Go!”
~~~~
I visited the Air and Space Museum…Nothing was there.
~~~~
I used to work for an origami company until it folded.
~~~~
My memory is getting so bad, I asked the pharmacist, “Do you have any Acetylsalicylic acid?”
“You mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist.
“That’s it! I can never remember that word.”
~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
It's a good thing I posted early yesterday because just as soon as I had posted, my computer went dark.
My laptop is always on from dawn till bed time, plus I've spent countless hours gaming on it, so I'm not surprised it cashed it in, but that means I have to shell cash out for a new one.
I hopped in the truck and went to Walmart to see whet they had, and they didn't have anything even close to what I wanted.
I came home and fired up my desktop, and went on line and ordered an ASUS from the Exchange. It won't get here before next Thursday.
Fortunately I have my old Lenovo which I was able to get running. I hate this glitchy thing, but it's going to keep me sane for the next week.
I don't want to download all the games I have on Steam, and then do it again with the new computer, so very happily I've been able to get FEAR Perseus Mandate to install and play on this Lenovo, but FEAR Gold, and Extraction Point will not play on it.
I'll try some of my other games. It's hard to play anything on this computer because the mouse pad and input buttons on this thing are screwy.
I'll make do.
Have a super day everyone.
joe
Wishing everyone a Happy Sunday! 
