Posted By: gymcandy1
Joe's Saturdiner - 09/14/19 12:06 AM
'When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.'
~ R C Sherriff~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Funny Retirement Sayings (Also Suitable for Appraisals)
1 He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
2 She got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
3 His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
4 This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5 This man has delusions of adequacy.
6 Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; buy she only gargles.
7 When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
~~~~
Retirement Question and Answer Session
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: Six Saturdays, One Sunday
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
~~~~
If My Body Was a Car - Effects of Retirement
If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ... But that's not the worst of it.......
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.......
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather......
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.....
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel rate burns inefficiently......
But here's the worst of it:
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter: either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires
~~~~
What the Professions Say About Retiring:Funny Retirement Sayings
Amusing quotes from experts, they inspire Will and Guy to .... retire!
Golfers never retire, they just lose their drive.
Lumberjacks never retire, they just pine away.
Accountants don't retire, they just lose their balance.
Bank managers don't retire, they just lose interest.
Vehicle mechanics? They re-tyre every day.
Teachers don't retire, they just mark time.
Roofers don't retire, they just wipe the slate clean.
Engineers never retire, they just lose their bearings.
Beekeepers never retire, they just buzz off.
Musicians never retire, they just decompose.
Farmers never retire, they just go to seed.
Watchmakers never retire, they just wind down.
Academics never retire, they just lose their faculties.
Painters never retire, they just put a gloss on it.
Tree surgeons never retire, they just branch out.
~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
I think It's going to be a good one don't you?
We had a long hot Friday, but we got some good thundershowers in the late afternoon.
I hope you all have a super happy Saturday.
Rock on.
joe
~ R C Sherriff~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Funny Retirement Sayings (Also Suitable for Appraisals)
1 He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
2 She got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
3 His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
4 This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5 This man has delusions of adequacy.
6 Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; buy she only gargles.
7 When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
~~~~
Retirement Question and Answer Session
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: Six Saturdays, One Sunday
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
~~~~
If My Body Was a Car - Effects of Retirement
If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ... But that's not the worst of it.......
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.......
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather......
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.....
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel rate burns inefficiently......
But here's the worst of it:
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter: either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires
~~~~
What the Professions Say About Retiring:Funny Retirement Sayings
Amusing quotes from experts, they inspire Will and Guy to .... retire!
Golfers never retire, they just lose their drive.
Lumberjacks never retire, they just pine away.
Accountants don't retire, they just lose their balance.
Bank managers don't retire, they just lose interest.
Vehicle mechanics? They re-tyre every day.
Teachers don't retire, they just mark time.
Roofers don't retire, they just wipe the slate clean.
Engineers never retire, they just lose their bearings.
Beekeepers never retire, they just buzz off.
Musicians never retire, they just decompose.
Farmers never retire, they just go to seed.
Watchmakers never retire, they just wind down.
Academics never retire, they just lose their faculties.
Painters never retire, they just put a gloss on it.
Tree surgeons never retire, they just branch out.
~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
I think It's going to be a good one don't you?
We had a long hot Friday, but we got some good thundershowers in the late afternoon.
I hope you all have a super happy Saturday.
Rock on.
joe
Heading to work shortly. Just one client, so no biggie. So far I still have tomorrow off.