Sippin Surfin Sunday

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” –

~Albert Einstein~
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My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are…

But I laugh more.
~~

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge.

It said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”

I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
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My girlfriend broke up with me because I’m so handsome and too many other girls want me.

She also said something about compulsive lying disorder but I wasn’t really listening.
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I can totally relate to batteries.

I’m never included in anything either.
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My girlfriend just dumped me for talking about video games too much.

What a ridiculous thing to Fallout 4.
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My girlfriend keeps telling me to act my age, but I don’t know how.

I’ve never been this old before.
~~

I ended a long term relationship today.

I’m not too bothered about it. It wasn’t mine.
~~

I was in the park yesterday when I saw a tramp having a huge argument with his girlfriend on a bench. He suddenly stood up and poured his bottle of meths over the bench and set it on fire.

“What the hell are you doing?” I yelled at him.

He said, “She can leave me if she wants, but there’s no way she’s getting the house.”
~~

My girlfriend said to me, “You’re always acting like a detective. I want to split up.”

I said, “Good idea, we can cover more ground that way.”
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I’ve been sleeping with this really sexy girl who’s a twin.

My friend asked me how I tell them apart.

I said, “That’s easy – her brother has a beard.”
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My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date.

They said she was imaginary.

Well the jokes on them – they’re imaginary too.
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In order to make a relationship work you have to make a lot of sacrifices….

Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my garden.
~~

This girl had been out for the evening and met this guy who she brought back to her house, where they were kissing and cuddling downstairs.

Because her parents were asleep in bed upstairs, she told the guy they had to be quiet and when he told her that he was desperate to use the toilet, she didn’t want to send him upstairs and run the risk of him waking her parents up. So she told him he should just use the kitchen sink instead.

A few minutes later he popped his head around the door.

She whispered as quietly as she could to him, “Have you finished?”

“Yeah,” he whispered back, “Have you got any toilet paper?”
~~

Dating in your thirties is like looking for a parking spot.

The best ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
~~

I was having sex with my friend’s wife the other evening when her phone rang. I freaked out and hurriedly started getting dressed because I could hear it was her husband.

She hung up and told me not to panic – he told her he was going to be late home because he was out drinking with me.
~~

I was walking through the park today when this girl came up to me and asked me if she could have my number.

I said, “Get lost! Get your own number!”
~~

A couple are feeling very amorous and fancy a quickie but their son is in the house.

However, they can’t resist their natural urges, so they tell him to go out on to the balcony and look around and tell them what’s going on in the neighborhood while they do their thing.

So the son goes out on to the balcony and begins reporting back what he sees.

“It looks like the Baileys have got a new dog.” he says

“Oh! And it seems that the Jones are moving out.” he says

Then suddenly he shouts out, “Would you look at that. Looks like the Andersons are having sex.”

The couple stop dead in their love-making, and the father asks the son, “How do you know the Andersons are making love?”

The son answers, “Because their kid is out on the balcony too.”
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I went on a date with a librarian last night. It cost me a fortune.

My own fault really; keeping her out too long.
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I hate it when a couple start having an argument in front of you.

They could at least have waited until I got dressed and left.
~~

Last night in bed my wife suggested we should try a bit of role-reversal. So I told her I had a headache.
~~

Good morning everyboomie.


It's Sunday and you know what that means don't you?


The Cowboys find another 50 ways to lose a ball game.


I can hear Paul Simon singing it now.


I think they play the Jets. Any Jets fans here?


Good because I think the Cowboys will win this one.


I can't believe this is game 6 already. Only 10 more games after this one.


Have a happy day everyone.


Don't worry about me crying. It's just an act.


joe

doing dishes and cleaning cat litter box.

Another late night and long day. Early work day, then my grandsons birthday party and then bedtime visits for 3 cats and 4 dogs. It's been a long day!
Early morning visits and then free to play with Nugget and my boarder.

Have a happy day all....

Good Morning Joe, family, Ana and everyone. Joe enjoy the Cowboy game. Family hope you have some gaming time today. Ana sounds like another busy day for you! Coffee and tea are ready.

Have a super Sunday everyone!

Good morning Joe, Ana, family and Gerry. Enjoy your Sunday.

Good morning, have a Great Sunday. Breakfast out this morning. Danish, Eggs, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, Sausage, Biscuits and Gravy, and French Toast in the NC.