Joe's Diner June 20th

“If money grew on trees – girls wouldn’t mind dating monkeys.

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How does Moses make tea?

He brews.
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Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

They always take things literally.
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How do you keep a bagel from getting away?

Put lox on it.
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A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”

The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”
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What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.
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Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties?

Because you should never drink and derive.
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What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hare-line.
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What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
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What’s the different between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
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Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?

It’s two gross.
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What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?

“Curses! Foil again!”

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What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

Thanks— I’ll never part with it!
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What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.
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What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.
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How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

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What did the 0 say to the 8?

Is that girdle comfortable?
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What do you call a pony with a cough?

A little horse.
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What did one hat say to the other?

You wait here. I'll go on a head.
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What do you call a magic dog?

A labracadabrador.
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What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?

This tastes a little funny.
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What's orange and sounds like a carrot?

A parrot.

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the "P" is silent.
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What did the drunk do when he was on the witness stand?

He took the fifth.
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Good morning everyboomie.


It was a dark and stormy night.......literally.


It was nice to get some rain though. Today is overcast but I think the rain may be over. Maybe


So I'm sitting around inside this morning and decided to do this post now instead of tomorrow, so I'll just say Happy Father's Day tomorrow to all the fathers here........Soot.


Really I don't know if there are other fathers reading the diner.


Is Father's Day strictly American?


I think so.


I need to do something, I just don't have much ambition this morning........conveniently.


So here are some more off-color jokes for all of you to enjoy.


Have a happy week everyone.


joe

Thanks for the puns/jokes; I could read/see them all this time!

85 degs in Chicago area; expected to rain/shower off and on this week.

Busy week ahead but nothing special today. Laundry, games, Netflix and whatever else I get into.

Happy Father's Day, back at cha

We are having a beautiful day here, but warm...very warm....and very humid.

Son and g'sons went hiking today. I hit the park and imitated a hamster for 4 miles. So thankful to come home to a working shower.

I have lunched and laundried. Now time to do dishes and then go sit and play for a sec. Hope you all are having a wonderful day

cooking and chores.

Good morning, Happy Father's Day. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, Sausage, French Toast, and Biscuits in the NC.

Hey Ho Joe ButterFlyBabe L4L Family and Connie

Happy Father's Day to all dads

Joe, your humor always put a smile on me ... I found that Father's Day is not just a USA event but is celebrated in 38 different countries (if my math is correct) all on different days and months ... very interesting ... I think we should lay low for the day

ButterFlyBabe ... games, Netflix and whatever sounds like a plan to me

Best wishes for cooking and chores today Family

Thanks Connie ... I'm headed to the NC for eggs, grits, bacon and toast

TaintedFury ... I imagine you might be closing in on your next procedure ... best wishes to you ... keeping you and the Doc's in my thoughts and prayers

Low key day for me I think ... but that can change

L4L

Have a wonderful day Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary TaintedFury and anyone else who pops in to say hi

Good morning and Happy Fathers day, soot, Joe and others!

I have a boarder here so we are doing "dog things". It was supposed to be thunder storms literally all weekend starting Friday evening and we didn't even get enough rain to water my plants. I want to make a million dollars a year to guess at the weather too! I picked the wrong profession!

Have a great day all!

Hey Ho Ana ... good morning ... wishing you a fun day!

Good morning folks.

Ana I think we got your thunderstorms. They started at about 5:00 this morning and they haven't stopped.

I hope you enjoy your canine activities today.

It's been very dark all morning, so Soot it's real easy for me to lay low this morning and I have company for that. Missy is laying low too. She does not care for thunderstorms at all, nope!

I love them though. I really love sitting here and listening to the thunder.

Thanks for the info on Father's Day. I really thought it was just here in the states, so Happy Father's Day to all dads everywhere.

Connie thank you for the breakfast!

Gerry thank you for the great coffee!

Have a super day Ana, L4L, Soot, Family, Connie, Gerry, Tainted Fury, Mary, SpaceQuestFan, ManXman, ButterFlyBabe, Trail_Mystic, MaG, and everyone.

joe

doing creamy beef stroganoff casserole, and broccoli cheddar cornbread.cornbread

BET

I once heard someone say that the only profession that doesn't get in trouble for being wrong is a weather person.

Super Sunday ya'll

I'm back from a hot and humid walk through the hills. After a little while, I was hot and sweaty, and could just enjoy the rest of the walk.

Thankful, as always, for the ability to shower and for AC.

Son and I clipped guinea pig toenails this morning. It's amazing how it takes 2 adults' blood sweat and tears to clip nails on a 2 lb animal. There's gotta be a trick to it that we don't know.

Off to watch Man on Fire with hubby.

Happy Father's Day ya'll

watching court shows.

Hi Joe , Ana , Soot , connie , family , looney & butterflybabe , Wonderful too you all, be safe and happy gaming.

P.s Soot actually I've got a upcoming appointment on the 1st July so possibly the doctor will let me then when's the next one. Thanks & enjoy the remainder of the weekend & may the next week fly by .

Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's in America.

Good morning, enjoy your day. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Home Fries, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC.

Happy Monday! Wishing you all a good day!

Hi ya Family, Tainted, and Connie and everyone else who comes in

I finished my run this morning which is a good thing cos it's pouring this afternoon. Laundry and dishes have happened and now I'm going to go relax for a bit before it's time to make dinner.

Have a great one ya'll

watching court shows.

Good evening everyone

I survived my last at the office for a couple of weeks ... back to Teleworking

TF ... that makes sense ... I'll bet you are ready for this to be all behind you!

Joe ... Little Soot doesn't care for thunderstorms either

Connie ... I used the Drive-Thru Window in the NC this morning

Sleep well everyone

Hi Looney Yes you definitely would need downtime after that & a warm cup of hot chocolate.


Hiya Soot Your certainly right about that and hope your Teleworking goes well for you.

Good morning, enjoy your day. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC.

Well, back from a very early (for me) run in the hills. It was cooler though I was still gross by the time I got home. The deeper we get into summer, the earlier I have to get up to get my walk/run in.

Then into town for a doctor's appointment, and now home. Have been tagged in for supper tonight, so have to go get creative, and organized.

Have a great one, ya'll

Good evening everyone ... I'm getting back into the Telework mindset ... more meetings needed to keep everyone connected vice just sticking your head into one's office at work

Hey Ho TaintedFury ... so what's been keeping you busy during this recovery period

Hey Connie ... thanks for the sausage, grits, eggs and toast this morning ... hit the spot

L4L

Have an amiable evening Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary TaintedFury and anyone else who pops in to say hi

Sleep well!

watching court shows.

What do you prefer, soot? Would you rather be home or in the office?

Have a good day everyone!

Good morning Joe terrific day to you , Ana good day to you as well , Looney that's one thing about summer - the hotter it gets the more early we have to get up for certain tasks, may dinner quick for you , Connie lovely breakfast , family have a great tv day and Soot sounds like your ready to get the ball going at home for your work, I am just doing minor tasks at the moment making sure I don't over do it while hubby does major stuff..

Good morning, have a Great day. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC.

Good morning Family, Ana, TaintedFury and Connie

Family ... enjoy your shows, there are new characters every day

Ana ... work at home ... hands down! Great atmosphere, the drive to work is 12 steps from the kitchen, "no rush hour traffic" to or from the office ... great company! It rocks!

TaintedFury, easy does it is your mission for the near term ... never give up, never surrender

Hey Ho Connie, you have a great day too! I'm headed to the NC for breakfast ... eggs, grits, sausage, toast and a cup of Gerry's coffee

L4L

Have a nice day Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary TaintedFury and anyone else who pops in to say hi

Back from a nice run. Hot, of course, but not as bad as it will be this afternoon. Walked in to find son making a delicious egg mcmuffin type thing, so grabbed my shower and then had 2nd breakfast which I'm calling lunch.

Off to take Lil Soot to the vet this afternoon. Still investigating the anemia and the vomiting. It will be HOT sitting in the car. I don't think there is any shade to sit under there so may throw a chair in the car and sit under a tree.

In the meantime, running laundry and doing a little surfing. Ya'll have a great day

watching court shows.

Hi Looney Good luck with Lil Soot at the vet, poor thing

Hi Soot Hehehe Yep very true - a little each day as they say thanking you...

Good morning, have a Wonderful Day. Sunshine gets her stitches out and cone of shame off this afternoon. Danish, Eggs, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, Waffles, and Toast in the NC.

Connie, good luck to Sunshine.

Turned out not to be hot yesterday as it was pouring rain...cats, dogs, cows, and goats. It was crazy. Vet kept Soot for a bit and gave him some iron as the anemia is going the wrong way. Big Soot went to pick him up. Vet also discovered that Soot's gut is not moving things as we'd all like, which could be the cause of the vomiting. We have new meds and will see if that helps.

I'm back from my run. It was only 74 but it must have been 1000% humidity out there. Thankful for AC.

Hey Ho L4L Connie TaintedFury and Family

Family, hope your shows were fun and engaging

Connie ... getting the cone of shame off of SunShine, I know she'll enjoy that ... thank you for the Danish this morning (got it from the NC Drive-Thru window)

Hello TaintedFury ... wishing you a good night's sleep ... you beat us to T.G.I.F.!!

Good day at work today ... but it's even better now that I'm done

L4L

Have a bonny evening Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary TaintedFury and anyone else who pops in to say hi

watching court shows..

Hi Connie beautiful day to you , Hi Looney I am crossing my fingers for Lil Soot , Hi family may you have a great day watching court shows , Hi Soot I had a great nights sleep - hehehe different time zone that's why.

Good morning everyone

Yeppers TaintedFury you are indeed, but, you get your day started before most of the world craziness gets going

Family, enjoy your shows

Ana, have a great day with your clients

Joe, stay out of trees

Connie, was SunShine a happy camper after getting her cone off?

T.G.I.F. everyone

Off to work ... catch you all later

Good morning, enjoy your day. The vet said not to take the cone off until today. We will do it when Robert gets home from work. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Pancakes, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC.

Fantastic Friday ya'll

Back from my run. The park was a little busier than usual, not that it was busy. We were in the mid 70's which is odd for us this time of year. I loved it. The hotter it is, the slower I go.

Son cooked lunch while I was in the shower, so I'm set to enjoy the rest of my day.

Wee man Soot continues to be a challenge. Poor baby, we feel so badly for him.

Ya'll have a great day!

Hello Ana, Family. SpaceQuestFan,Gerry, Connie, L4L, Soot, ManXman, ButterFlyBabe, Trail_Mystic Mary, TaintedFury, MaG, and all boomers.

I've been having a busy week.....in a good way. I just had something lined up every day that I needed to get out and get done. Keeping busy though.

Still working on projects, and keeping Lowe's in business.

This morning I went and got paving stones for the back yard, and a new storm door for the front.

I bought a full glass storm door, and then spent about 3 hours installing it. It was almost 11:30 when I got home, so it got hot in a hurry once I started the install.

It looks awesome though. I put off doing this for a long time because the other storm door was in such good shape. Glad I decided to do it now. It looks better and it's installed better, so there are no air leaks like the other door had.

Tomorrow morning I can continue my paving project.

I'm like you guys though. Git 'er done early.

Take care everyone.

joe

chores.

L4L, I'm so sorry to hear about lil soot.

Goodmorning Joe Your glass storm door sounds fantastic , Ana hugs to you and nugget , Looney I actually prefer spring as it's in the middle well suppose to be , family May your chores speed by & you get back to your tv shows soon , connie Delicious breafast to you and Soot True True hehe, May you have absolute fantastic day with a dash of quietness

Happy gaming Boomers

Hello Boomers, just stopping by to say 'Hi' and hope you are all well and keeping safe.

L4L, sorry about Lil Soot's problems and hope he gets well soon. Thoughts with you and soot.

Life is throwing up a lot of challenges right now and not in a good way but this too shall pass.

Have a great day guys!

Much love,

Mary

Good morning, enjoy your day. A bit of shopping today. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC.

Hey Ho and Good Morning everyone

Stay smart and safe while shopping Connie ... and enjoy! I'm headed to the NC for some snacks and a cup of Gerry's coffee

Mary, it's so good to see you. Sorry to hear about life's challenges...yes they can be problematic...but you are correct, tomorrow is another day!

Hey Ho TaintedFury ... oh my yes, a quiet day today for sure ... sleep well and see you tomorrow

Hey Ana, busy weekend for you or maybe some time off?

You and me both Family ... will start the chores and projects shortly

Joe, sounds like some neat projects ... are you laying a patio area with the paving stones? The new storm door will be nice.

Yeppers, we hope to find a solution for our little guy Soot ... we are working with our vet and different treatments for the little guy. I'm off to walk him a bit then get started on the day's projects, chores and activities.
L4L

Happy Saturday Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary TaintedFury and anyone else who pops in to say hi

I feel a little better. Got another chore crossed off my list. Car was overdue for maintenance. The annual maintenance came up in February, and have been feeling very cautious about 'crowded' places. Got it in done this week. Had to wait couple hours but got everything checked, got the dealer to take care of a few extra items, and got it sanitized for good measure. No germs allowed in my car!

Next day had regular dental checkup and left with additional appts for Aug to take care of a much needed crown. There's always some doctor to go to Least I'm healthy and trust my doctors.

chores.

Hello MsMercury good to see you on, take care and be safe, a wonderful day to you.

HIya Soot thank you & will do, Plus hopefully you get a good nights sleep too.

Hiya butterflybabe good too see your feeling better, lovely day to you.

Good morning, have a Wonderful Sunday. Breakfast out at our little cafe. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, French Toast, Biscuits and Gravy, Waffles, and Toast in the NC.

Good morning Connie TaintedFury Family and ButterFlyBabe

Have fun at breakfast Connie ... be smart and stay safe while you're out! I'm off to the NC...

Hey Ho TaintedFury, I did and hope you did and do again too!

Family, best wishes on your chores

Yes indeedy ButterFlyBabe ... you be smart and stay safe while you're out and about!

Happy Sunday everyone ... day 2 of the weekend I imagine I'll find some projects and chores to chip away on, in fact already completed two! Gardening and music in my immediate future and then ...

L4L

Have a charming Sunday Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary TaintedFury and anyone else who pops in to say hi

Good afternoon ya'll

Back from a nice, if hot and sweaty, walk/run in the park. I've got to get up earlier.

Cleaned up and cooled down, and finally fed, so off to play a bit. Have a great day!