Posted By: curly
Jokes. May 3 (Hints) - 05/03/21 07:30 AM
Take a couple if you wish.
-1. I’d like to start with the chimney jokes – I’ve got a s---- of them. The first one is on the h----.
-2. The best time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s c---.
-3. I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah. I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a f---
o--.’
-4. I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take s-------- for it.
-5. This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’ I said: ‘Is that a f---?’
-6. Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note, it said
‘p------ f---.’
-7. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he l---- them with, but I’ve been t------g all day.
8. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a s---e.
-9. I told the Inland Revenue I don’t owe them a penny. I live by the s--s--e.”
-10. I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked S--- W---- and the S---- D------.
-11. What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little l------.
-12. My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange?” I said: “-- -- d----'-!”
-13. The pollen count, now that’s a difficult job. Especially if you’ve got h-- f----.
-14. Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “We don’t serve your t---!” shouts the barman.
-15. I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the w--- on the s-----?”
-16. How do you get two whales in a car? Start in E------ and drive w---.
-17. Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little m------s around the house.
-18. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop g---- t----.
-19. Just received a card full of rice. It’s from U---- B--.
-20. Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one in f---- of the t--------n.
-1. I’d like to start with the chimney jokes – I’ve got a s---- of them. The first one is on the h----.
-2. The best time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s c---.
-3. I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah. I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a f---
o--.’
-4. I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take s-------- for it.
-5. This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’ I said: ‘Is that a f---?’
-6. Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note, it said
‘p------ f---.’
-7. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he l---- them with, but I’ve been t------g all day.
8. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a s---e.
-9. I told the Inland Revenue I don’t owe them a penny. I live by the s--s--e.”
-10. I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked S--- W---- and the S---- D------.
-11. What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little l------.
-12. My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange?” I said: “-- -- d----'-!”
-13. The pollen count, now that’s a difficult job. Especially if you’ve got h-- f----.
-14. Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “We don’t serve your t---!” shouts the barman.
-15. I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the w--- on the s-----?”
-16. How do you get two whales in a car? Start in E------ and drive w---.
-17. Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little m------s around the house.
-18. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop g---- t----.
-19. Just received a card full of rice. It’s from U---- B--.
-20. Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one in f---- of the t--------n.
