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#1000165 - Today at 01:47 AM TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30231
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.
~Michelle Pfeiffer

Most of our generation 50+ was HOME SCHOOLED in many ways.

What did you learn from your parents??

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My father taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My father taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.

Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !"

This was only sent to the older crowd because the younger ones would not believe we truly were told these "EXACT" words by our parents.

Thanks Karen for sending me those! Very funny, and oh boy do I remember hearing many of them coming from my Mom's mouth.

These mistakes have been collected from Sundayschool teachers, Catholic school teachers and others

This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments.

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, race of people who lived in Biblical times.

Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

When the three wise guys from the East side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, “a man doth not live by sweat alone.”

It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

Good moning everyboomie. welcome

IT'S FRIDAY!!!.....and my day off. penguin

I just love having one day off, when I have to go buy groceries, and I have to clean my house, and I have to do laundry, then I have to get to bed early so I can get up at 4:30 for work Saturday. blech

We work 6 days, have 1 day off, work 4 days, have 1 day off, work 4 more days to then have 2 days off. smirk

You'd better believe that by the time I get to those 2 days off, I am ready to go bananas. yay

I like working at Lowe's, but there are so many things that go on there that almost make the top of my head come off. taz

I hope that never happens, because Heh, if it did then people could read my mind. snicker

Worse yet I would just lose my mind. slapforehead

On the bright side, I could run for a political office.

Have a happy day everyone.

"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

#1000172 - Today at 02:54 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8297
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe and all who come in later. wave
Have a happy day. happydance smile
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

#1000184 - Today at 06:28 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17817
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe and Haroula and All coming to the Diner. Coffee is ready. Joe hope you get some fun time on your day off. Haroula enjoy the sunshine. Happy Day wished for everyone! wave

#1000187 - Today at 06:37 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14936
Loc: Massachusetts
Joe, enjoy your day off. happydance12

Haroula, have a happy day.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Wishing everyone a super duper day! penguin

#1000190 - Today at 06:50 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5762
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hope you have a great day off, Joe. Also hope that you keep your head. lol

Have a great Friday, Haroula.

Have a terrific day, Gerry.

Hope your day is fantastic, Gail.

Well, it's the start of a three day weekend for me. Thorsgoats is also off, so we're going to play some of the original Book of Unwritten Tales together, as he's never played it. I played some more of the sequel yesterday, so I'm finally catching up. grin Before then, I'm going to try out Life is Strange, which I caved in and pre-ordered. It's already available, and it looks really intriguing. thumbsup

Okay, off to see what else is happening. Have a great Friday, everyone. winter

#1000193 - Today at 06:58 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17817
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Gail and venus. Gail enjoy your day and stay warm! Venus have a fun day off! Enjoy the day All! wave happydance

#1000198 - 49 minutes 32 seconds ago Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8254
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow have a Great Friday. Danish, French Toast, and Cinnamon Buns in the NC. winter


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