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#1000443 - Yesterday at 08:40 PM Super Sunday Diner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30233
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.
~Gilda Radner
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Best classic funny stories of 1900s

The man of the house finally took all the broken umbrellas to the repairer shop. Next morning on his way to his office, when he got up to leave the street car, he absentmindedly laid hold of the umbrella belonging to a woman beside him, for he was in the habit of carrying one. The woman cried “Stop thief!” rescued her umbrella and covered the man with shame and confusion.
That same day, he stopped at the repairer’s, and received all eight of his umbrellas duly restored. As he entered a street car, with the unwrapped umbrellas tucked under his arm, he was horrified to behold glaring at him the lady of his morning adventure. Her voice came to him charged with a withering scorn:
“Huh! Had a good day, didn’t you?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The absentminded inventor perfected a parachute device. He was taken up in a balloon to make a test of the apparatus. Arrived at a height of a thousand feet, he climbed over the edge of the basket, and dropped out. He had fallen two hundred yards when he remarked to himself, in a tone of deep regret:
“Dear me! I’ve gone and forgotten my umbrella.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The professor, who was famous for the wool-gathering of his wits, returned home, and had his ring at the door answered by a new maid. The girl looked at him inquiringly:
“Ummm-is Professor Johnson at home?” he asked, naming himself.
“No, sir,” the maid replied, “but he is expected any moment now.”
The professor turned away, the girl closed the door. Then the poor man sat down on the steps to wait for himself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

The clergyman, absorbed in thinking out a sermon, rounded a turn in the path and bumped into a cow. He swept off his hat with a flourish, exclaiming:
“I beg your pardon, madam.”
Then he observed his error, and was greatly chagrined. Soon, however, again engaged with thoughts of the sermon, he collided with a lady at another bend of the path.
“Get out of the way, cow!” he said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The editor of the local paper was unable to secure advertising from one of the business men of the town, who asserted stoutly that he himself never read ads., and didn’t believe anyone else did.
“Will you advertise if I can convince you that folks read the ads.?” the editor asked.
“If you can show me!” was the sarcastic answer. “But you can’t.”
In the next issue of the paper, the editor ran a line of small type in an obscure corner. It read:
“What is Jenkins going to do about it?”
The business man, Jenkins, hastened to seek out the editor next day. He admitted that he was being pestered out of his wits by the curious. He agreed to stand by the editor’s explanation in the forthcoming issue, and this was:
“Jenkins is going to advertise, of course.”
Having once advertised, Jenkins advertises still.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are as many aspects of grief as there are persons to mourn. A quality of pathetic and rather grisly humor is to be found in the incident of an English laborer, whose little son died. The vicar on calling to condole with the parents found the father pacing to and fro in the living-room with the tiny body in his arms. As the clergyman spoke phrases of sympathy, the father, with tears streaming down his cheeks, interrupted loudly:
“Oh, sir, you don’t know how I loved that li’ll faller. Yus, sir, if it worn’t agin the law, I’d keep him, an’ have him stuffed, that I would!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The woman confessed to her crony:
“I’m growing old, and I know it. Nowadays, the policeman never takes me by the arm when he escorts me through the traffic.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The mother called in vain for her young son. Then she searched the ground floor, the first story, the second, and the attic-all in vain. Finally, she climbed to the trap door in the roof, pushed it open, and cried:
“John Henry, are you out there?”
An answer came clearly:
“No, mother. Have you looked in the cellar?”
~~~~~~~~~~~

The little boy, sent to the butcher shop, delivered himself of his message in these words:
“Ma says to send her another ox-tail, please, an’ ma says the last one was very nice, an’ ma says she wants another off the same ox!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The nurse at the front regarded the wounded soldier with a puzzled frown.
“Your face is perfectly familiar to me,” she said, musingly. “But I can’t quite place you somehow.”
“Let bygones be bygones, mum,” the soldier said weakly. “Yes, mum, I was a policeman.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Willie came home in a sad state. He had a black eye and numerous scratches and contusions, and his clothes were a sight. His mother was horrified at the spectacle presented by her darling. There were tears in her eyes as she addressed him rebukingly:
“Oh, Willie, Willie! How often have I told you not to play with that naughty Peck boy!”
Little Willie regarded his mother with an expression of deepest disgust.
“Say, ma,” he objected, “do I look as if I had been playing with anybody?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The young man applied to the manager of the entertainment museum for employment as a freak, and the following dialogue occurred:
“Who are you?”
“I am Enoch, the egg king.”
“What is your specialty?”
“I eat three dozen hen’s eggs, two dozen duck eggs, and one dozen goose eggs, at a single setting.”
“Do you know our program?”
“What is it?”
“We give four shows every day.”
“Oh, yes, I understand that.”
“And do you think you can do it?”
“I know I can.”
“On Saturdays we give six shows.”
“All right.”
“On holidays we usually give a performance every hour.”
And now, at last, the young man showed signs of doubt.
“In that case, I must have one thing understood before I’d be willing to sign a contract.”
“What?”
“No matter what the rush of business is in the show, you’ve got to give me time to go to the hotel to eat my regular meals.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daniel Webster was the guest at dinner of a solicitous hostess who insisted rather annoyingly that he was eating nothing at all, that he had no appetite, that he was not making out a meal. Finally, Webster wearied of her hospitable chatter, and addressed her in his most ponderous senatorial manner:
“Madam, permit me to assure you that I sometimes eat more than at other times, but never less.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was shortly after Thanksgiving Day that someone asked the little boy to define the word appetite. His reply was prompt and enthusiastic:
“When you’re eating you’re ‘appy; and when you get through you’re tight-that’s appetite!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The distinguished actor had a large photograph of Wordsworth prominently displayed in his dressing-room. A friend regarded the picture with some surprise, and remarked:
“I see you are an admirer of Wordsworth.”
“Who’s Wordsworth?” demanded the actor.
“Why, that’s his picture,” was the answer, as the friend pointed. “That’s Wordsworth, the poet.”
The actor regarded the photograph with a new interest.
“Is that old file a poet?” he exclaimed in astonishment. “I got him for a study in wrinkles.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


It's time for the big game, are you ready? woot


My team ain't in it, but it's the last game of the year, so I'm gonna watch......for the commercials......and Katy. grin


I have to work 7:00 to 4:00. I had trouble sleeping last night. Not trouble going to sleep, but waking up at 2:30, and not being able to go back to sleep. tired


I'll be in bed in about a half hour. sleep


It's turned cold and rainy again. Perfect sleeping weather right? yes


We'll see...............as we keep our toes crossed. slapforehead


I say "we" because Baby and Pepper have agreed to do it too. wink


Have a super day everyone.



joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#1000446 - Yesterday at 09:59 PM Re: Super Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6114
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Hi Joe wave Sorry you couldn't get back to sleep sleepI have the same problem once I'm up I'm up tiredOur weather is snow and more coming tomorrow night smirk Coffee is on! Happy day wished for all winter shiver
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#1000465 - Today at 01:59 AM Re: Super Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 66144
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe and Sue! I hope you all have a great day!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1000466 - Today at 02:37 AM Re: Super Sunday Diner [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 1986
Loc: Washington In the Wet corner
Good Morning Joe, Sue & Ana wave


Thanks for the funny jokes Joe lol

Hi Sue Thanks for the coffee stay warm & safe in all your snow~ winter

Hi ya Ana so glad you got to spend time with your family~ how old is Baby James now?? woot on saving your neighbors little Pug! puppy


I just found out today a very close friend of mine passed away~ I've know him since I was 15 years old~ sad


going to Church were having a chili cook off! smile



Have a nice Sunday Boomers~Karen
_________________________
"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~

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#1000469 - Today at 03:31 AM Re: Super Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8305
Loc: Greece
Good morning,have all a relaxing Sunday. happydance wave
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#1000471 - Today at 05:39 AM Re: Super Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17826
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Sue, Ana, Karen and Haroula. Joe I hope you can stay asleep! Sue thanks for the coffee. Ana wishing you a peaceful day. Karen sorry about your friend. Haroula enjoy your day. Wishing All a nice day! happydance12
_________________________
Gerry

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#1000474 - Today at 06:40 AM Re: Super Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8257
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Breakfast out, and a BJ's trip today. To all here and all who follow have a Super, Super Bowl Sunday. Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Hash Browns, and Toast in the NC. Chips, Dip, Chex Mix, Buffalo Wings, and Popcorn for the game later. winter
_________________________
Connie

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#1000475 - Today at 08:13 AM Re: Super Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5768
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Enjoy your game, Joe. wave

Stay warm, Cailyn. shiver Hope it doesn't snow too much for you.

Have a great day as well, Ana.

That's terrible, Karen. I'm sorry to hear that. sad Condolences to you and your friend's family.

Enjoy your Sunday, Haroula.

Have fun at breakfast and BJ's, Connie. thumbsup

It's the last day of my three day weekend. I checked my schedule for next week, and while still not great, it is better than the last two weeks as was promised. So I'll just wait things out for now. Hours are likely to improve in the spring, and as long as they're approaching decent now, I should be good.

I'm still not going anywhere today to save on gas money, so it looks like another day of gaming and singing for me. Oh, well. lol

Hope everyone has a terrific Sunday. winter

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#1000477 - Today at 08:32 AM Re: Super Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14941
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers shiver

Joe, Enjoy the game!

Ana, enjoy whatever plans you make todasy.

Venus, hope your last day off work is a good one.

Haroula, happy day!

Sue, are you all prepared for more snow?

Karen, sorry about your friend. Hang in there. Enjoy the Chile.

Gerry, are you getting more snow also?

Connie, have a good BJ's trip. I'll be going Tuesday.

Church this morning then a nice quiet afternoon. Snowstorm tonight. Not sure where we're going to fit anymore snow. winter
_________________________
Gail

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#1000482 - Today at 09:44 AM Re: Super Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15937
Loc: Unionville
Good morning boomers. Hope everyone has a Super Sunday smile
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#1000483 - Today at 09:50 AM Re: Super Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9827
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Welcome to Super Sunday everyone. wave Enjoy the game and the commercials.
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#1000490 - Today at 10:57 AM Re: Super Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13878
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe hope you slept better last night and woke refreshed. Thanks for the laughs. Enjoy the game and commercials and have a lovely day!

Sue thanks for the coffee on this cold morning. Sassy ran out and right back in. lol Have a lovely day!

Ana hope you enjoyed "dart night". Glad you had a nice family day yesterday but sorry you couldn't hold James. HUGS! Tommy was at the birthday party last night and I see he has a tooth coming through already, you can see it. Stay safe in the storm and I hope the power remains on! Have a lovely day!

Aw Karen HUGS!!! So sorry to hear about your friend. Will be keeping you and their family in my thoughts and prayers. HUGS! Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry have a nice walk and a lovely day!

Connie enjoy breakfast out and have fun shopping. Thanks for the goodies and have a lovely day!

venus glad the hours are a little better. Hang in there. Have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy church and the nice relaxing afternoon! Stay safe in the new snow. Have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Space enjoy the game and have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

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#1000495 - 20 minutes 39 seconds ago Re: Super Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Online   content
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2227
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Hey Joe, you mention Baby and Pepper -what's up with Sambo?

Funny thing -after I tramped around the tree with all those vultures perched -nary a 1 yesterday PM and none so far this morning. Do vultures claim their own territory. Maybe that's what they were doing. I need a vulture 101 semester. Birds' nests are an engineering genius - they're built from leaves, twigs and small stuff but they don't collapse.

Lovely day again but cold tonight -36

I should start making bread again. I've got all these exotic flours in the cupboard -"Here we are". Ha, good luck

Happy Sunday all
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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