MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.
Quote: "In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two NatGeo enthusiasts, Gary and Robbie, were exploring the jungles, when a big tiger sprang out of the bushes in front of them.
Gary whispered to Robbie, "Stay calm! Don't move."
Robbie asked Gary if he remembered what they had seen about tigers on NatGeo. Gary replied, "Yes, I do. If you stand still and look the tiger in the eye, he will turn around and go away."
Robbie said, "Yes, I have seen it on NatGeo. You have seen it on NatGeo. But has the tiger seen it on NatGeo?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Robbie, the truck driver, was cruising along the highway, when he noticed a small brown guy standing in the middle of the road waving his hand. Robbie stopped the truck and asked the small guy what he wanted.
The small guy said, "I am brown. I am from Pluto and I am hungry."
Robbie shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, I can offer you my sandwich, little fella and that's about all I can do."
Robbie gave his sandwich to the little guy and drove off. After a little distance, he noticed a small red guy standing in the middle of the road waving his hand. Robbie stopped the truck and asked the small guy what he wanted.
The small guy said, "I am red. I am from Mars and I am thirsty."
Robbie getting a little impatient, said "All I have is a bottle of beer. You can take it, but that's about all I can do for you."
He handed over the beer to the small guy and drove off. He had covered only a few miles when he saw a small blue man in the middle of the road.
Robbie, a little irritated by then, stopped his truck and said to the guy angrily, "Yes, you idiotic blue joker. Which godforsaken planet are you from, and what do you want?"
The little guy replied, "May I see your Driver's license, sir!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A small airplane encounters engine failure and begins to nose-dive. The pilot manages to land the aircraft safely on the ocean. He announces that it is an emergency and that all passengers should remain seated. He further declares that the airplane was designed to stay afloat for an hour provided that the doors are not opened. This would give rescue teams enough time to reach out to help them.
A soon as the announcement is over, one of the passengers, Mr. Gupta, runs to open the door. While the passengers look in horror, the pilot yells at Mr. Gupta, "Please do not do that! Didn't you hear what I announced? This airplane won't sink for a while if the door remains closed!"
Mr. Gupta answered, "Ya ya. This plane is also designed to fly, and we all saw how good it was!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mrs. Thatcher was seated at the park when she noticed a man take the leash off his dog so that the dog could roam around freely in the park. She said to the man, "Do you mind keeping the pet next to you, mister. I can already feel a flea in my sneakers."
The man called out to his pet, "Buzo, please come here. That lady has fleas."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paddy was in New York .
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians...' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'
~~~~~~~~~~~
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'
'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut .. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'
'Just water,' says the priest.
The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'
The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'
'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'
'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'
'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'
She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
David staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, David sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood..
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, David woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.
She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'
David said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'
'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
It is 1:07 here and I am wiped out, barely staying awake, so I will bid you all a very happy day.
My brothers are coming today to close on Mom's house.
Finally!!
joe