A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
~H.L. Mencken
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After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!" Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf!" Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds. "Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home. When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!" The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird, my foot!"
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A man walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?" "Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What about it?" "Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..." "What are you talkin' about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly. "How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?" "Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"
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There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replies, "I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."
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A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."
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Bernie feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 'Here's what you do,' said the Doc, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.' That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' No response. So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?' Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. 'Peggie, what's for dinner?' 'For goodness sake, Bernie, are you losing your hearing?
For the FIFTH time, we're having CHICKEN!' <><><><><><><><><><><>
A man's wife was complaining to their friends about her husband who was spending all his free time in the bar. So this one night he decided to invite her along to the bar with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched in amazement, then took a sip from her glass. She immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "How you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," said the husband. "And you think I'm out here enjoying myself every night!"
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Married couple is traveling down interstate 66 doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over and says, "Honey, we've been married for 14 good years, but now I want a divorce." The husband says nothing but increases their speed to 60 mph. She says, "Don't be trying to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and you know what .. he's a better lover than you." Again the husband says nothing but speeds up as his anger increases. She says, "I want the house with all the contents." Again the husband speeds up some more. Now he is doing 70 mph. "The kids too." The husband just keeps driving little faster, faster and now he is up to 80 mph. She says, "I want the car, checking account, and all the credit cards too." The husband says nothing but slowly starts veering towards a upcoming bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Anything you want?" Husband says, "No, believe I've got everything I need." "Really? What's that?" Just before they hit the piling wall at 90 mph, "Husband says "I've got the airbag!"
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Good morning everyboomie.
Good Grief I'm about to fall asleep.
I should have gotten off at 1:00 today, but it was more like 1:35.
It has been a simply gorgeous sunny pleasant day here in the low 70's.
I know though that we will be having unbearably hot days soon. We have 80 degree temps scheduled for this week.
It probably won't be two weeks before we have our first 90 degree days.
You may remember me telling you about my A/C not working after I hit the wire with my weed eater. Well, I had intended to call the air conditioner people to get them out here to fix it, but I decided to go up in the attic and look at the unit up there, to see if I could find anything tripped or burned out. I took the cover off, and one of the first things I see is a 5 amp fuse. I pulled it out and examined it, and it looked burned out to me.
I crawled back down and went to see if I could find a little 5 amp fuse in my house. I was pretty sure I had one here somewhere.
I went to the utility room and went through my cabinet, but I didn't find one. I went out to the storage building and looked through my tool box, boxes, and everything out there that I thought might be hiding a fuse, but no luck.
Now I'm pretty darned sure I have one somewhere.
I came back in the house and went through boxes, and drawers in the spare bedrooms, my bedroom, and the living room, and kitchen drawers with no luck.
I went outside and went through my truck. NO!
I went back to the utility room, and went through that cabinet again, but more thoroughly. Didn't find one........again.
I went back out to the storage building and went through
'everything' again, and more slowly and deliberately. NO NO NO!!!
I have one. I KNOW I have one.
I came back in the house. Went back in the spare bedroom, and went through drawers and boxes again. I started going through a box under the window, that I had not gone through yet, and down in the bottom, in a little basket full of junk, I found a little plastic case with 3 fuses in it. I looked at the first one. It was 30 amps. The second one is also 30 amps. Then I pulled the last one out and looked at it.............5 AMPS. YAHOO!!!
I took the little 5 amp fuse up the ladder, up into the attic, and stuck it in the fuse mounting on the unit.
After about 5 seconds, I heard a click, and the fan came on.
IT WORKS, and I just saved myself close to $100.
Cool
I'm still not ready for Summer.
Now I've Got to get this posted, and get to bed.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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Then, when I get home, I will have two new episodes waiting for me - Life is Strange and Game of Thrones. 
Have an easy peasy day!
I hope you all are having a super day. See you after work.
