It’s absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we’ve got rockets, we’ve got Saran Wrap—FIX IT!!!
—Lewis Black
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1) Words: Short, But So SuccinctWord Jokes: Declaration of IndependencePythagoras: 24 words
The Lord's Prayer: 66 words
Archimedes' Principle: 67 words
The Ten Commandments: 179 words
Lincoln's Gettysburg Address: 286 words
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words
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Phyllis Diller Humour
Best way to get rid of kitchen odours: Eat out.
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
The U.S. government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words
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Examples of OxymoronsPretty Ugly
Microsoft Works
Work Party
Loners Club
Swiss Navy
Stripper's Dressing Room
Alone in a crowd
Curious English WordsExegete: one who explains or interprets difficult parts of written works.
Spoony: foolishly or sentimentally in love.
Visage: the face; also, appearance; aspect.
Quiddity: the essence or nature of a thing.
Sesquipedalian: (of words) long; having many syllables.
Predilection: an established preference.
English Words with Quirky Logic
Have you noticed that there is neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
French fries do not originate in France.
A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And there are no hogs in Hogmanay.
Quicksand only works slowly
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
When you are incommunicado: you are without the means to communicate.
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Playing with a Funny Word or Two - The Illogical English LanguageWhy do performers recite a play, yet play at a recital?
When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
Dessie decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
The city tip was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
In the boat, a row erupted amongst the oarsmen about how to row.
Chloe was too close to the door to close it.
Sherrie shed her shoes in the shed.
Why do our noses run but our feet smell?
Freddie filled in his form by filling it out.
Funny Collective NounsA sentence of judges
A load of cobblers
An expectation of midwives
A conflagration of arsonists
An illusion of magicians
A horde of misers
An exaggeration of fishermen
A flush of plumbers
A scoop of journalists
A decanter of publicans
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Washington Post's Word Mensa Invitational Challenge
Word Mensa is an unusual challenge where you take a word, alter it by one letter, then supply a new definition.Paymeant: the cheque is in the post
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Glibido: All talk and no action
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Toponymy - The Study of Unusual NamesBeersville, is a fine town in Pennsylvania
Hellhole, is depressingly to be found in Idaho
Hardup, is in the poor [you must be joking] state of Utah
Rudeville, surprisingly perhaps is in New Jersey
Hell, is in Michigan [Some other places too, I suspect]
Dulls Corner, is in Maryland [Do they wear pointy hats there?]
Toad Suck, is a found in Arkansas
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Beware! Amusing Children's Names
Seymour Legg
Sean Head
Tim Burr
Woody Bush
Doug Graves
Lowden Clear
Bernd Onions
Artie Choke
Lisen Tomey
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Good Wednesday morning everyboomie.
I've had a very long Tuesday, and still feel really rough, or as Baby would say, "I feel ruff."
Time for me to take my cocktail of pills, and hope I can sleep all night.
Wednesday is Friday for me, so there's that.
La La La La La
I hope you all have a happy day.
joe