RALPH WALDO EMERSON
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
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My five-year-old son is crazy about cars, so I took him to his
first car show. He loved seeing all
the different models and brands
and gushed over the big engines,
the colors, and even the wheels. But the car he was most impressed with was a hearse. “Mom!” he shouted. “Look at all this storage!”
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Q: Why did the chicken go to the
séance?
A: To get to the other side.
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Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
A: If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
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After cleaning my five-year-old patient’s teeth, I accompanied him to the reception area, only to see him struggle with the oak door.
“It’s heavy, isn’t it?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said. “Is that so children can’t escape?”
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I was visiting a friend who could not find her cordless phone. After several minutes of searching, her young daughter said, “You know what they should invent? A phone that stays connected to its base so it never gets lost.”
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A concerned police officer approaches a boy who is crying in front of a newsstand. “What’s wrong?” the cop asks.
“Superman isn’t out yet!” says the boy.
“I’ll handle it,” the cop assures him. “Hey, Superman!” he shouts. “Come on out! We won’t hurt you!”
—Source: Funny in Croatia Survey
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The topic for my third-grade class was genetics. Smiling broadly, I pointed to my dimples and asked, “What trait do you think I passed on to my children?”
One student called out, “Wrinkles!”
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Sam’s eighth birthday, my brother took him to a football game. During halftime, a Marine band played, and Sam studied them intently.
“Why the interest in the band?” his father asked.
“I’m checking to see if Ben and Matt from our synagogue are in it. They’re Marines.”
“But they’re in Afghanistan.”
“If I were in a marching band, I’d say I was in Afghanistan too.”
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As I was treating my daughter and her family to the buffet at a casino, all the bells and whistles for a winning slot machine began to go off. My seven-year-old grandson was awed.
“Wow!” yelled Casey. “This is like Chuck E. Cheese for old people.”
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When my eight-year-old asked how I knew I was pregnant, I told her I had taken a pregnancy test. “Oh,” she said. “What questions were on the test?”
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My second graders were assigned the task of writing thank-you cards to soldiers serving in the Middle East. One of them wrote, "Thank you for protecting us! I hope we win!"
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At a baby shower, everyone was asked to complete nursery rhymes. My 11-year-old daughter Taylor contributed this: "Jack Sprat could eat no fat. His wife could eat no carbs."
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A few weeks? after the death of my father-in-law, I found my seven-year-old son crying in bed. His grandmother had died the previous year, and he was taking it all very hard. "You know, Kyle," I said, "when we die, we’ll get to see Grandma and Grandpa again in heaven."
With tears spilling down his face, Kyle cried, "That’s easy for you to say. You don’t have that long!"
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When I took my school-age daughters to a lunch with veterans, I told them to ask questions. One of the men said he’d fought in the Korean War, and the girls were so impressed that the eldest wanted to know more: "Did you fight for the North or the South?"
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My five-year-old nephew has always happily answered to BJ. That ended when he came home from his first day of school in a foul mood. It seems his teacher took roll, and he never heard his name.
"Why didn’t anyone tell me my name was William!?" he complained.
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Our six-year-old daughter, Terra, has a need to ask questions … lots of questions. Finally, one day, my wife had had it.
"Have you ever heard that curiosity killed the cat?" my wife asked.
"No," replied Terra.
"Well, there was a cat, and he was very inquisitive. And one day, he looked into a big hole, fell in, and died!"
Terra was intrigued: "What was in the hole?"
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I sat in the doctor’s waiting room watching a young mother try desperately to control her three loud children. "They’re not a very good advertisement, are they?" she groaned apologetically.
A man muttered, "Only if you’re advertising contraceptives."
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Good morning everyboomie.
Sunday mornings are great aren't they?
So are Saturday mornings.
Notice my smooth recovery from that little gaf?
Anyway that's true primarily when you have nothing to do but lay around and lazily sip your coffee, which is waht I did yesterday......Friday. Fridays can be nice too.
Today I work..........enough said.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Friday was a very long workday, and I was pretty much worn out afterward. Today, I get a day off. 
), the rest of the Diner gang when you get the chance to drop in and all of you who peek in from the front window.
