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Sip and Surf Sunday #1068491
05/28/16 07:11 PM
05/28/16 07:11 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.

Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001), "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

`````````````````````````````

Bra Shopping

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"

What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material.

"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked what the types were.

The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"<

Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"

The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

````````````````````````````

Control

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."

```````````````````

Beer, eh
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?"

"I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.

"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."

``````````````````````

Be Politically Correct With Women
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.

She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.

She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.

She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.

She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.

She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.

She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.

She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.

She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE

She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.

She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.

She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.

She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.

She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.

She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

```````````````````

A Man's World
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford
a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door
and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.

Scientists have discovered a food
that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said,
"I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

`````````````````````````

Accidental Meeting
A woman and a man get into a car accident, and it's a bad one.

Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman... Wow!

Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The man replied," I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head, opens it and says "You take the first drink", then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately chugs half of it, puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The woman asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The man replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police..."

````````````````````````

Advantages Of Being A Woman
Why it's better to be a Woman!

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to [blip] to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

```````````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


For the second work day I made it through 5 hours, and then came home. smirk


I came home, fixed some lunch, and then today I took the doggies to the park. I didn't want to go at all, but I didn't take them for the previous two days, and they were really wanting to get out. lab


I hardly slept at all last night, so I'm just hoping to get a good nights sleep tonight, and my back is not in as much pain right now. tired


Thanks everyone for the well wishes. thanks


I get up at 4:30 in the morning to do it all again. razz


Have a happy day everyone. wave2



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1068492
05/28/16 07:22 PM
05/28/16 07:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
Sorry you are still having troubles, Joe. I'll work harder on sending those healing thoughts your way!

I have a houseful of company today coming from Ohio, Indiana and all around Illinois. James is staying here with me and Monday it will just ne him and I. I may take him swimming.

Have a happy day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1068506
05/28/16 09:36 PM
05/28/16 09:36 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Hang in there Joe and hopefully you will feel better soon. thumbsup


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1068518
05/29/16 01:01 AM
05/29/16 01:01 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hope you sleep well and feel better tomorrow, Joe!

Have fun with James, Ana. thumbsup

Have a great Sunday, Space Quest.

It's late Saturday night for me. Tomorrow is day 2 of my 3 day weekend. bravo I plan to use some of that time for some very important gaming. lol I also really need to get my voice back in shape once again, as I've been neglecting that. yes

Okay, off to sleep. Have a terrific Sunday, everyone. spring


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1068525
05/29/16 05:51 AM
05/29/16 05:51 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,099
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Online happy
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Online Happy
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,099
Marlborough USA
spring Good Morning Joe, Ana, Space, venus and everyone. Joe hope your back is better today.Ana lucky you having James to play with! Space and venus relax and enjoy the day! Coffee and tea are ready. A peaceful day wished for all! spring


Gerry
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1068529
05/29/16 07:25 AM
05/29/16 07:25 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers wave2

Joe, hope your back gets completely better. Hugs!

Ana, sounds like a fun weekend. Enjoy James.

Space, have a great day.

Venus, enjoy your time off from work.

Gerry, lots of coffee needed this morning.

Wishing every Boomer a super wonderful weekend. hamster


Gail
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1068530
05/29/16 07:46 AM
05/29/16 07:46 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Sunday. Joe, I hope your back is better today. Danish, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and English Muffins in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: connie] #1068531
05/29/16 08:36 AM
05/29/16 08:36 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
It is starting out to be a great day here this morning. I hope it is nice where you are today. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1068539
05/29/16 11:08 AM
05/29/16 11:08 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Awe Joe! HUGS and prayers headed your way! Hope that the back starts getting better soonest! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Ana sounds like a fun filled day, enjoy! Have a lovely day!

venus happy singing!!! Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Gail have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Space have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1068541
05/29/16 12:17 PM
05/29/16 12:17 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Sunday ya'll puppy

Soot and I had a nice fast zip around the neighborhood. I got some new BungyPump sticks. I am quite uncoordinated so it will take me a bit to feel comfortable with them, but boy could I feel it!

Now home to do some surfing and sipping. Boys will be here later. We may hit the movies...depends on what time the boys come. All we got from mom was "I'll call ya."

Anyone heard from Doc lately?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1068543
05/29/16 12:49 PM
05/29/16 12:49 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,574
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,574
Alabama
Good morning Joe Ana Venus Gerry Connie Gail SQF Nan and L4L

Happy Sunday to one and all laugh

USA

wave2

L4L hearts


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1068546
05/29/16 01:15 PM
05/29/16 01:15 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Well, it's a dreary day here in San Diego. Just when you need sun and warm, we have had drizzle and mist for 2 days. Actually it's very calming, but those tourists who came all the way here to sit at the beach and work on their tans are sorely disappointed.

I've been redoing my Orchid Cactus patch for several days now. Cutting off new growth that is on long spindly dead looking bottoms and then sticking those cuttings in nice dirt to root themselves. It's so easy, except for the tiny thorns all over. Thick leather gloves protect me mostly with a few oopsies. Looking good out there and now I can actually walk down the sidewalk at the side of my house without the plants grabbing at my legs. Nice.

TENANTS: The oldest son (of 16 kids) is finally here from the Phillipines. It has taken them 20+ years to get him a visa and immigration papers. I haven't met him yet, but the younger son (who lives here) said he told them, "they had to meet the Landlord". I said no rush. I have no idea how long they are staying, but it could be months until all the 'paperwork' is finished. After that, they will move to Texas to be with their kids who are already here on Military visas.

I will have to see how my bills go on the rental. They offered to pay me (under the table) for the extra bodies, but I won't do that. Total mess with the IRS, and Rental Laws if anyone should ever say, "HEY, we paid her to stay so we are TENANTS". Nope, can't have that snafu. Five people in a small 2 bedroom isn't really ideal (not illegal) but it runs up the electricity and water bills and usually manages to clog the sewer pump back there. I'm ready for it.

Nice nice people, quiet, respectful. If I had another house I'd for sure rent it to any of the family. Just can't wait till it's all over and they are in Texas. I'm wondering if then the ones who have been here for 27 years might decide to move closer to the family in Texas? Could happen. Parents are 81 and 82 with the youngest son living with them forever and he's 59. Parents are retired and the son hasn't worked since the 'girlfriend' fiasco a few years ago. He quit a good job here, moved with her to Central Calif Desert and never found a job. Came back, his old job wouldn't take him back and he gave up trying to find work. Mom is distraught over his unwillingness to look for a job and I have no idea how he contributes to the finances. He was on unemployment, but that's well gone. Could be disability (diabetic so they say) or maybe he gets enough being the 'caretaker' for his father. I had to help them fill out paperwork for all sorts of things, so it's maybe enough to get by. AND all the 16 kids contribute to the parents. Buy them cars, appliances, etc. Might even be sending money monthly and I know the new ones are paying them to stay here. They are saving a load on motels and/or rentals while they do the immigration stuff. Hope it all works out.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1068561
05/29/16 04:10 PM
05/29/16 04:10 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi all. Joe I hope you're feeling better. I'll send some healing thoughts along with Ana's. I'm off to work tra la. See you after work.
Midgie hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1068564
05/29/16 04:26 PM
05/29/16 04:26 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Sorta, sounds like you are on top of it. 16 kids surely should be able to take care of 2 parents!

Midgy, have fun! How's your graft healing?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1068590
05/29/16 09:47 PM
05/29/16 09:47 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
L4L, Doc is getting legs! She's very excited they are finally able to make her legs so she can walk again.

Company just left. It's been a really long but fun day. My house and heart was full. Now it's just James, hubby and I.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1068597
05/29/16 10:09 PM
05/29/16 10:09 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
L4L the graft is healing but I have little patience to see the end product. It'll be awhile before that happens as I still have all the stitches in. I guess I'm not quite cooked enough yet. Oh well. It'll happen, just not quick enough for me. smile

Ana it sounds like you had a wonderful day. I'm happy for you.

I need to find my pillow now. This old body has run out of energy. See you tomorrow morning. I'll be looking for my fav breakfast.

Midgie hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: Midge] #1068607
05/29/16 11:13 PM
05/29/16 11:13 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
See you tomorrow Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1068612
05/30/16 12:32 AM
05/30/16 12:32 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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