I speak truth, not so much as I would, but as much as I dare; and I dare a little more, as I grow older.
CATHERINE DRINKER BOWEN
Me too, and boy does it get me in trouble.
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Two babies are sitting in their cribs, when one baby asks the other, “Are you a little girl or a little boy?”
The other baby shrugs. “I don’t know how to tell the difference.”
“I do,” says the first baby. He carefully climbs out of his crib and into the other crib, then disappears beneath the blankets. After a few seconds, he resurfaces.
“You’re a little girl, and I’m a little boy,” he says.
“How can you tell?”
“Easy. You’ve got pink booties, and I’ve got blue ones.”
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A police officer pulled over a guy for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walked up to the driver’s window and asked, “You drinkin’?”
The driver said, “You buyin’?”
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As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight.
````````````````
Q: Why is the number six afraid of seven?
A: Because seven ate nine!
``````````````````
Q: Why are football stadiums so cool?
A: Because every seat has a fan in it!
```````````````
Q: Why did the bacteria cross the microscope?
A: To get to the other slide.
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Q: What did the doctor tell her invisible patient?
A: “I can’t see you today.”
`````````````
A lion comes across two men, one reading and the other writing. The beast pounces on and devours the reader but ignores the writer. Why? Because, as everyone knows, a writer cramps while a reader digests.
```````````````
Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them.
`````````````````
Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don’t. You get down from a goose.
````````````````
During my mother’s memorial, my five-year-old granddaughter could not stop staring at the urn that contained her ashes.
“Is that really Great-grandma in there?” she asked her mother.
“Yes, it is.”
“Funny,” she said. “I always thought she was taller.”
``````````````
The Time Traveler Protest
T NOW! What do we want? MORE TIME-TRAVEL JOKES! When do we want them? RIGH
`````````````````````
Q: What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A: a receding hare-line.
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Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
`````````````````
Q: Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties?
A: Because you should never drink and derive.
`````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
It's still the weekend, and you're still welcome to it.
I'm looking forward to some football, and another great day.
Do y'all ever get that Déjà vu feeling?
I'm gettin that old familiar feeling right now.
I'm not going to try to go to bed early tonight though. It's a waste of time,
and I will make darned sure that Missy goes out and does her business right before we do go to bed.
No 2am potty trot tonight.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe