Never let your head hang down. Never give up and sit down and grieve. Find another way. And don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines.

SATCHEL PAIGE

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People in the airline industry aren't all serious...

1. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude And will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

2. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if You can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, alone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

10. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

11. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

13. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was Quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

15. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no,Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or Were we shot down?"

18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on the horn, " Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

19. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we Hope you'll think of US Airways."

20. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude the Captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD! Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I Scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
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Alcohol Warnings

Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an [blip].

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

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How To Wash The Cat

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water.

3. Obtain the cat and carry him to the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything he can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have
found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

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Good morning everyboomie.


We are almost to the weekend, and you know what that means, right?


I think it goes without saying, so......


I hope you all have a great day.


joe

Have a great Friday Boomers.

Happy Friday Joe, SpaceQ and all!

I'll be heading to the city for the Cubs Rally. It's going to be an adventure just getting there!

Ana

Good Morning Joe, Space, Ana and all. Joe keep smiling! Space enjoy your day! Ana good luck getting to the rally! Stay safe. Coffee and tea are ready.
Wishing you all a bright and cheery day!

Good morning everyone, have a Great TGIF. Dinner and karaoke at the VFW tonight. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC.

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a great day!

Ana, enjoy the rally. Congrats to the Cubs!

Space, enjoy whatever comes your way today!

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Connie, have fun tonight!

A walk with Nina this morning. Wishing everyone a super duper day!

Have fun, Ana

It's going to be a fun day. My neighbor has been having phone problems and as far as I know, she's the only person in the world who has MCI service. I thought they went bankrupt or sold out years ago? Anyway, when we had that motorhome fire around the corner, I was trying to call her and the phone went dead. Strange, but we thought maybe a power spike or something hit her lines. We tried everything to get the phones working but I finally volunteered to call MCI for her. She's having hearing problems and the customer service department in in a foreign country and everyone has such heavy accents, even I had trouble understanding them.

So I finally get the number, call, go through all the press 1, press 2, press 4 thousand, speak the answer, give us your cats birthday, etc. and at the end of 10 minutes (not kidding) I get the message, our service department is now closed. Please call back on Monday-Friday from 8 am until 8 pm Eastern time! Arrraaghhhh! THEY could have said that at the BEGINNING of the call!

I called again, and pushed different buttons and finally got a recording telling me to go through elaborate 'testing' of the phones before continuing. So I went next door, we unplugged all phones, waited 10 minutes, plugged in one phone and nothing. Just a dead line as usual. So I call back, get through all the 'information requested' and get a real, live person, who tells me to go through the procedure again. Nope. Already did, not gonna do it twice. My neighbor's phone jacks, as are many people's are behind, under, over and totally inaccessible. Killed my back just trying to plug and unplug.

So finally the service rep agrees to set up a service appointment (after keeping me on hold for 15 minutes (true so true) while she 'tested' the line. We set it up for 2 days later since the first appointment was Monday when my neighbor had other things to do. We waited from 1pm till 5pm as told for the guy to arrive. Nothing, nada, no phone call (they said they would call ME to confirm or advise about time changes). At 5:30pm I called THEM.

Nice guy who knew nothing about anything but was trying to be nice said they weren't coming! Huh? He also kept me on hold for another 5 minutes. No explanation about why, or when or what, but I finally said we needed someone as this friend now has been without a phone for 3 full days. So we get another appointment for 1-5 the next day. Service guy says he will call me about the same time 'tomorrow' to check to see if the tech arrived. What? You are going to call me AFTER the appointment time to check when it's way too late to get anyone here? He was nice again, but didn't seem to understand that I was getting a bit miffed. So he assured me someone would be there from 1-5pm the next day.

I get up the next day to see an ATT truck in front of her house. She's not home of course because it's EIGHT AM and the appointment is 1-5 pm. The guy drives away before I can run out and she comes home 15 minutes later. HE comes back and I go over to 'supervise'. Nice guy, older, seems to know what he's doing, but all he did was test the 'box' and say that one of the wires was 'shorted' and we would have to call MCI for a service appointment. AGAIN? I thought HE was the service tech they sent. Seems MCI around here uses ATT wires outside and ATT keeps those in shape. BUT MCI has to do all the stuff inside. Geez!

So she had a working phone in one jack, nothing else in the others. He leaves, he comes BACK! and brings a friend in another truck and then he goes up the phone pole and plays with the wires. He said he was just 'checking' something. Heaven knows what he was checking. The two of them spent 2 hours (yes a full 2 hours) playing up the phone pole and then just chatting on the sidewalk. I hope the boss knows that the employees just socialize instead of working. No wonder the previous day's appointment was a no go.

So finally, I get the neighbor to call the other country to set up an 'inside' wire appointment and luckily she got some one who could speak clearly and set up the appointment for Today at 8-12am. She's supposed to call me when he arrives. I'm not holding my breath. After all the phone jacks get fixed she's probably going to change service companies. Seems she's been paying almost 7 dollars a month extra for years and years for a 'service policy' that will fix everything inside and out. Hope that today is better than the last appointment. No phone when you are 86 and live alone isn't a good thing. I keep going over to check on her just to be sure she's OK.

Waiting waiting waiting. OH and the best part? The second service call I made said that even though the appointments are set for 1-5 pm, or 8-12 am, they could arrive as late as 8 PM! I really am crossing fingers that this day goes smoothly. She gets very anxious and hates asking for help. 'Neither a borrower or lender be' is pretty much her deal. Lovely lady, just doesn't want to inconvenience anyone.

Waiting...

UPDATE: I just called her. It's 8:30ish. The guy is there working. No truck seen? Just a ratty 1970's sedan across the street, with a sticker in the back window indicating it was just purchased. She couldn't talk because he was right there, but said he's nice, all is fine and she didn't need me to come over. Ugh. Now I watch and wait to see if the 'sedan' is the guy. No markings to indicate MCI or ATT or anything on it. So strange. I really don't like it when service people have no identification on the vehicles or themselves. I'm watching just in case. She said he already fixed one of the phone jacks and is doing fine. Hope it all goes as planned. What a fun day. Yep.

UPDATE AGAIN: Well she just called, and the guy was awesome. Rewired a few places, found the 'short' right away, fixed it, checked all the phones and had it all done. Somehow he managed to cram a folding ladder into that tiny sedan along with all the necessary supplies. Wow. She even tipped him for being so good and ON TIME. Happy Ending.

morning , everyone !

thanks for coffee and breakfast much appreciated after the last few days !

really windy and cool here again today , but some humidity so i'm hoping we

get some much needed rain this evening.

otherwise just taking it easy this weekend while getting over pneumonia

and trying to keep melodee amused she has the "fall friskies"

again !

hope you all have a wonderful day today !

later...

Welcome to the weekend Boomers.

Welcome to the weekend, Space

I've had a busy day. I'm going to bed with a book. Sweet dreams all

Thanks looney. Sleep tight.

What a day! Finally just got done eating after not eating since 7am. Now I am exhausted!
They say it was the 7th largest gathering in human history with 5 million of us! It was insane but a lot of fun!

Ana

Good night Boomers.

Congrats Ana.