How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?
ALBERT EINSTEIN
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Consultant RulesIf at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
Work is accomplished by those employees who are still striving to reach their level of incompetence.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. (Project Management at its best).
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"How To Cook A Turkey" (in other words, "Thanksgiving Turkey for Dummies")Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2 : Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3 : Put turkey in the oven
Step 4 : Take another two drinks of whiskey
Step 5 : Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6 : Take three more whiskeys of drink
Step 7 : Turn oven the on
Step 8 : Take four whisks of drinkey
Step 9 : Turk the bastey
Step 10 : Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11 : Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12 : Glass yourself another pour of whiskey
Step 13 : Bake the whiskey for four hours
Step 14 : Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15 : Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16 : Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 17 : Turk the carvey
Step 18 : Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19 : Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Sounds good to me. 
Except for the fact that I don't drink. 
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Corporate DefinitionsBLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
CHAINSAW CONSULTANT - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.
IDEA HAMSTERS - People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
SITCOM - (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
SQUIRT THE BIRD - To transmit a signal to a satellite.
STARTER MARRIAGE - A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
SWIPED OUT - An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
TOURISTS - People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."
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Corporate RealityCEO � Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO � Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET � A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET � A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING � The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO � The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER � What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR � Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST � Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT � When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER � A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION � The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW � The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO � What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS � What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR � Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT � An archaic word no longer in use.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the new week!
Ok.......sit around, or lay around all day and what do you get?.........
........really tired.
That seems almost criminally absurd.
Have a great day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Is the creek getting better for head hunting now, Joe? 
Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Coffee and tea are ready. 
It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas. Thanksgiving dinner all bought and ready to cook. 
Yesterday was a great day! We hiked over 5 miles of Dunes and forest. Winds were crazy strong off the lake and we were bundled for the cold. 
Unfortunately, my ankle and feet gave out 45 miles in my shoes so I had to walk a mile in just socks. That's the third major hike in a row I've had to do that. Snow is going to pose a problem. 
