One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
GEORGE CARLIN
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Golf Caddy CommentsGolfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
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Golfing Quotes"Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture." -- Winston Churchill
"Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf." -- Jack Benny
"You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex -wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands works." -- Lee Trevino
"Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins." -- Unknown
"It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." -- Babe Ruth
"Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course." -- Lee Trevino
"I'm not saying my golf game went bad , but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced." -- Lee Trevino
"These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow." -- Sam Snead
"[Players today] throw their clubs backwards, and that's wrong. You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don't have to walk any extra distance to get it." -- Tommy Bolt
"Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet." -- Tommy Bolt
"Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at." -- Jimmy Demaret
"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." -- Jack Lemmon
"If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron?" -- Lee Trevino
"Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour." -- Unknown
"Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five." -- John Updike
"The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music." -- Unknown
"I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose." -- Gerald Ford
"The least thing upsets him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows." -- PG Wodehouse
"If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him." -- Bob Hope
"In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to be right over second base." -- Ken Harrelson
"The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life." -- Chi Chi Rodriguez
"After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye." -- Chi Chi Rodriguez
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Golf LawsLAW 1 - No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2 - Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3 - Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4 - Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5 - No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6 - The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
LAW 7 - Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
LAW 8 - Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
LAW 9 - Palm trees eat golf balls.
LAW 10 - Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?
LAW 11 - Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
LAW 12 - A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
LAW 13 - All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
LAW 14 - Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see Law three)
LAW 15 - A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
LAW 16 - "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."
LAW 17 - The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
LAW 18 - The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
LAW 19 - Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
LAW 20 - All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day.
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Good morning everyboomie.
So happy to see this day arrive. Now, it will be a long long day waiting for 7:00 game time to get here.
This is the 1st game of the last 4.
I don't mean the 1st game of the previous 4. That would be a confusing.
That would have to be the LAST game of the previous....... oh never mind.
I have NEVER been accused of being confusing.
It ain't me, it's the English.......language.
I don't mean the British language.....
Enjoy your Sunday everyone.
joe
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Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and everyone. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate with fresh whip cream are ready! It's going to be a cold day here with snow coming late this afternoon.
Danish, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Ham, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Biscuits and Gravy, and Toast in the NC. L4L, Hugs for your son. 
Have an easy peasy day!
