WILL ROGERS
Never let yesterday use up too much of today.
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Andy, a carpenter by profession, had witnessed an accident and was summoned to court to give evidence.
The defendant's lawyer tried to discredit him by asking several tricky questions. One of the questions was, "How far were you from the accident site?"
Andy replied, "Thirty one feet, three and a half inches."
The lawyer asked, "What???! How can you be so sure and precise about that distance?"
Andy said, "Well, I knew sooner or later someone stupid would ask me. So I measured it!"
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Betty, who was pursuing her MBA in Finance at Harvard, had become too busy with her studies, classes, projects and part-time job.
She realized how long she had been out of touch with her parents when she received the following e-mail from her mother:
"Dear Betty, your father and I enjoyed your last e-mail. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Mom."
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Sara: I had a dream last night. I was on the Moon dining in a restaurant.
Tina : Oh really? How was the food?
Sara : The food was good, but there was no atmosphere.
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When the doctor told Jim he had only 8 months to live, Jim was heart-broken and inconsolable. When he finally got a hold on himself, he met his old pal, Derrick in the pub and told him all about his appointment with the doctor.
Jim said to Derrick, "I have decided to move in with my mother-in-law."
Derrick asked with surprise, "Why is that?"
Jim replied, "Living with her for 8 months will seem like forever."
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Class teacher: “Children, we going to have a lesson on the sun tomorrow. Everyone must attend.”
One small boy: “Miss, I can’t.”
Teacher: “Why is that?”
The little boy: “I am sure my mother will not allow me to go that far without her.”
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Grandpa's learnings
#*# I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.
#*# I've learned that you can keep throwing up long after you think you're finished.
#*# I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
#*# I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
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Customer: I get an "Access Denied" message every time I log in.
Tech Support: Did you type the Username and password correctly?
Customer: Yes I did.
Tech Support: Did you type in Capital letters?
Customer: Yes I did.
Tech Support: That's the problem. Now let's try once more, but use lower case letters.
Customer: But my keyboard has only capital letters. What should I do?
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Good morning everyboomie.
I am off now until Sunday. Woo Hoo!
The only problem is that I have an appointment at the VA at 8:30am that I forgot about, and that they failed to remind me of until this afternoon, while I was at work.
That's a pretty early wake up call.
That means I'm way past my beddie bye time.
I hate being past my beddie bye time, so I'll bid you all a good night.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
The bad news is, all I can do is admire its box until the Windows 7 software gets here. 
Then, I have to take it in to Best Buy to get them to set up the duel boot for me. 
That means I'll probably get out for a ramble around the neighborhood. We have Bible Study tonight, so if I get my walk in, that will be my day. Otherwise I'll be out of it by Study time 
soot 
Soot