SYDNEY J. HARRIS
The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.
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David saw his colleague Alfred walk into the office in a brand new suit. David exclaimed, "Not bad, dude! Where did you get the suit?"
Alfred smiled and replied, "Well, my wife got them for me. Pretty cool, isn't it?"
David replied, "Sure it is. Was it your anniversary?"
Alfred said, "No. beats me. The other day, I arrived home early from work, and there I found them on a chair near the bed."
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After a heated argument with his wife Lisa, John said to himself enough is enough. He packed his bags and was walking out of the house, when Lisa screamed from behind, "Hope you have a slow and agonizing death, you swine!"
John shot back, "You mean you don't want me to go now?"
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I saw my friend Pablo in the market and greeted him. I was surprised to see that he was carrying a baby pig in his arms.
I asked him, "Hey, what are you doing with this pig?"
Pablo replied, "Well, I found him in the park. Think he is lost. Anyway, I am going to adopt him. Since we have no kids of our own, this little fellow is going to live with us like family. He will have his meals with us, and sleep in our bed."
I asked him, "Will the smell not be bothersome?"
Pablo replied, "Ah, the little fellow will have to get used to it, just like I did."
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Andrea was mad at her husband Phil and she screamed, "I saw you at Erning Street when I was buying stuff for the house."
She continued, "I saw you with a gorgeous blonde and you both went into the Parkside hotel. I want you to explain and I want you to be honest!"
Phil said to her, "All right, please make up your mind, which one do you want?"
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Mrs. Yadav took her 8 kids to the park to play. An old man could not contain his curiosity and asked her, "Why are they all wearing similar clothes of the same colour?"
Mrs. Yadav smiled and replied, "There was a time when we had just 3 kids and I would make them wear similar clothes so that they don't get lost."
"But now", she said, "I make them wear similar clothes so that I don't take home any kid that does not belong to us!'
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Jim, the salesman was in a rush to reach the Tendon Railway station. He asked the farm-owner, "Sir, can you please let me pass through your field instead of going around it? I need to catch the 3:35 train and I am in a great hurry!"
The farm owner replied, "Feel free to go. If my bulldog sees you, you might even catch the 3:15 train."
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Alvaro was the salesman at a used car selling outlet. He was worried to see a customer come back with the car he had sold only a day before. Alvaro had told the customer that the car was driven only by an old granny.
Alvaro asked the customer, “Is everything ok?”
The customer replied, “Yeah, just dropped by to return a couple of things that the ‘old granny’ left under the seat – some packs of Marlboros, half a bottle of rum, and 2 condoms!”
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Father Reynold was having a conversation with a group of kids about how good behavior could help them go to Heaven. When he had finished, he asked them, "Where does everyone here want to go?"
Little Tina remarked, "Heaven!"
Father Reynold asked, "And what should you be to be able to get there?"
Little Harry replied, "Dead!"
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Mrs. Robbins, known to be extremely fussy, goes to D-Mart to buy some fresh fruits.
She says to the girl behind the counter, "I want three kilos of pears. Kindly wrap each pear separately in plastic.
The girl behind the counter silently fulfills the customer's demand.
The lady then checks some apples and says to the girl behind the counter, "I would also like to take 2 kilos of fresh apples. Please pack each apple separately in plastic."
Irritated, yet composed, the girl behind the counter obliges Mrs. Robbins again.
Mrs. Robbins, pointing her finger towards a basket inquires, "And what is there in that basket over that side?"
"Grapes", says the girl behind the counter, quickly adding, "but those are rotten!"
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Good morning everyboomie.
If you're reading this at 7:00am, then I'm already at work.
If you're reading it right now, then you're a psychic, and I need to know what I'm going to write down next.
Ok well I guess I'm on my own then, and I know one thing for sure. I'm late.
I've gotta get myself to bed asap.
Tuesday is my last work day until Saturday.
I scheduled my little procedure today, and it's actually going to take place next Wednesday.
Oh the anticipation.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Joe, you'll be fine! And a few pounds lighter. Unless you are me. I gained weight. 
Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Another hot 90 degree day ahead. Coffee and tea are ready. 
