François (VI) (Duc de La Rochefoucauld)
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
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Conversation at our business lunch turned to illegal immigration. “I read an article that said 60 percent of Americans are immigrants,” commented one of my colleagues. “That can’t be true,” another said.
“No,” agreed a Native American co-worker. “There’s a lot more of you than that.”
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I took a real estate client to a handyman special. The place was great, and we couldn’t understand why it was so cheap, until we turned on the water main and water gushed from the ceiling. Dripping wet, my client put a positive spin on the showing: “Nice house,” he said. “It’s even self-cleaning.”
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Halfway between New York City and Washington, D.C., the train’s engine fell silent.
“I’ve got good news and bad news,” the conductor announced. “The bad news is we lost power.” My fellow passengers groaned.
“The good news,” he added, “is we weren’t cruising at 30,000 feet.”
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Families are complicated enough, but things became even more confusing after my father decided to get married to my brother’s mother-in-law. “Now I can’t make up my mind whether he’s my dad or my father-in- law,” says my brother, “or if my mother-in-law is now my stepmother, or whether my child is my daughter or my niece.” — Oscar Reagan
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A friend of mine had resisted efforts to get him to run with our jogging group until his doctor told him he had to exercise. Soon thereafter, he reluctantly joined us for our 5:30 a.m. jogs on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
After a month of running, we decided that my friend might be hooked, especially when he said he had discovered what “runner’s euphoria” was. “Runner’s euphoria,” he explained, “is what I feel at 5:30 on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.” — Neil P. Budge
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My friend Kimberly announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.
“Good!” I exclaimed. “I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. When I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first.”
“Great!” she replied. “I’ll ride with you.” — Katina Fisher
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I discussed peer pressure and cigarettes with my 12-year-old daughter. Having struggled for years to quit, I described how I had started smoking to “be cool.”
As I outlined the arguments kids might make to tempt her to try it, she stopped me mid-lecture, saying, “Hey, I’ll just tell them my mom smokes. How cool can it be?” — Judi Moore
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The teacher in our Bible class asked a woman to read from the Book of Numbers about the Israelites wandering in the desert. “The Lord heard you when you wailed, ‘If only we had meat to eat!’ ” she began. “Now the Lord will give you meat. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, or ten or twenty days, but for a month—until you loathe it.”
When the woman finished, she paused, looked up, and said, “Hey, isn’t that the Atkins diet?” — David Martino
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Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher.
I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately.
“You see where they’re smoothing that cement?” he replied. “I just threw my wife’s credit cards in there.” — R. Horn
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I was trying to decide what to do for a talent show I planned to enter. Trusting my mother to help me out, I asked, “For the show, what do you think I should do, sing or put on a comedy act?”
Glancing up from her paper, she said dryly, “What’s the difference?” — Kimmie Helk
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Just because one owns a business doesn’t mean it has to be all business. This sign in a dentist’s office proves that point: “Be True to Your Teeth, or They Will Be False to You.” — James Wertz
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to another dazzling daily dose of dribble.
Well, that's not exactly what it is. It ain't all that dazzling.
You know that old saying "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull-
"?
It's more like that.
I'm glad to see it looks like most of you are getting a little relief from the heat this week.
It's nice, but I'm sure that August will let us know that there's still lot's of Summer to go yet.
I plan on going to the sod farm tomorrow, but it means I'll have to leave Missy here alone......except for Pepper, who surprisingly is not much company for a dog.
I'm sure she'll be ok for half a day.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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