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#1128821 - 10/19/17 08:47 PM TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32412
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
On Hallowe'en the thing you must do
Is pretend that nothing can frighten you
And if somethin' scares you and you want to run
Just let on like it's Hallowe'en fun.

~Author unknown


10. Cats' facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow
3. Eyelash curlers
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:


A farmer is giving his wife last-minute instructions before heading to town to do chores.

"That fellow from Sematol will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the cows. I've hung a nail by the right stall so you'll know which one I want him to impregnate."

Satisfied that even his mentally challenged wife could understand the instructions, the farmer left for town.

That afternoon, the 'Inseminator' arrives, and the wife dutifully takes him out to the barn and directly to the stall with the nail.

"This is the cow right here," she tells him.

"What's the nail for?" the guy asks.

Replies the wife, "I guess its to hang up your pants."


Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

"I want to get weighed," she said.

They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went.

Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight and Joe lost his dollar. The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.

"I want to get weighed, "she responded.

By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."


Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did." She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100."

After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.

Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had their tryst, and then Jeff left.

Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Jeff come by this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Dave asked, "Did Jeff give you $100?" Sandy thought, 'Oh hell, he knows!' Reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did give me $100."

"Good," Dave says. "Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It's so good to have a friend you can trust."


Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.

One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?'
The Fairy Godmother replied: 'Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?'

Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish. 'I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.' Instantly her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned.

Cinderella said 'Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!' The Fairy Godmother replied 'It is the least I can do. What is your second wish?' Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: 'I wish I was young and full of the beauty of youth again.'

At once, her wish having been desired, became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage had returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigour and vitality began to course through her very soul. Then the Fairy Godmother spoke again: 'You have one more wish, what shall you have?'

Cinderella looked over to Alan, who was now quivering in the corner with fear. 'I wish you to transform my old cat, Alan, into a beautiful and handsome young man.' Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biologicial make up, that when he stoof before her, he was a boy, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet.

The Fairy Godmother said: 'Congratulations Cinderella! Enjoy your new life.' With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.

For a few moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his muscular arms.

He leant close to her ear, and into her ear breathed as much as whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, 'I bet you regret having me neutered now, don't you?'


A man and wife entered a dentist's office.

The Wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

You're a brave woman said the dentist. Now, Show me which tooth it is.

The wife turns to her husband and says "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."


Good morning everyboomie. yay

Woo Hoo it's Friday! woot

The best thing about it is I have the day off. penguin

think Hmmm deja vu.

I'm watching Thursday night football right now, so I'm gonna throw this out there for your viewing pleasure, or indifference. snicker

Wish you all a magnificent day. thumbsup

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#1128829 - 10/19/17 09:57 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Happy Birthday BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 76345
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Thanks, joe! Hope your team wins! I can’t even watch the cubs massacre happening right now. Sad end to the season.

We saw so many dolphins yesterday, it was just incredible! Today we will go swimming with them, but they are wild and not captive so we are hoping that they will come and be curious of us!

Have a great day all!
Don't feed the Trolls

#1128853 - 10/20/17 06:18 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 15629
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning all. I have another split shift today. It will be a long day for me. I hope you all have a great day. See you later.

Midgie hearts wavegirl
Just do it.

#1128855 - 10/20/17 06:34 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers fall

Joe, hope you enjoyed your game. Wishing you a good day today.

Ana, glad you saw a lot of dolphins. Sounds like a fun day today Hope the dolphins will enjoy your company.

Midgie, hope you have an easy workday!

Wishing everyone here and on their way a wonderful day! puppy

Edited by GBC (10/20/17 06:35 AM)

#1128860 - 10/20/17 07:35 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10551
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great TGIF. Dinner and karaoke tonight at the VFW. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall

#1128880 - 10/20/17 11:32 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9667
Loc: San Diego, CA
Amazingly it looks like it's going to RAIN. Geez. First the 'heat wave', which really isn't that hot, and now suddenly, cold wind and skies that look like it's going to dump rain any minute. The weather guys said it would. Guess they know something.

All Outdoorsies are acting funny. Running around like crazy, chasing each other and toys. Fun to watch, but they must know the weather is changing. I've made sure they have dry places to hide if it rains. All nice and cozy. So far the lone kitten is OK. Dunno if it will survive whatever got his litter mate. Raccoons were here 2 nights ago and the lone kitten was right there on the deck where they crossed to get to the tree. They didn't bother it at all!

I'm half wondering if it was MOM who killed her own kitten? She is very attentive to this last one and is nursing it at 9 weeks. She had weaned them a few weeks back but now is at it again. Strange behavior. Maybe she prefers to have just one little one so she doesn't have to work hard? Could a mom cat actually do away with a healthy kitten just because she's lazy? I dunno. First litter of 4 and only 1 survived to 3 months then GONE. Second litter, 3 healthy well grown cats still here and all neutered and spayed. Third litter of 3, only one survived. Fourth litter of 2 (that I saw) and only 1 still surviving.

Still fun to watch the older siblings playing with the newbies and teaching them all the 'tricks'. blackkitty catrub
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

#1128881 - 10/20/17 11:33 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/08/06
Posts: 12110
Loc: Scotland
Hiya Boomers, hoping this finds you all well and wishing everyone a great day! Typical Autumn day here, cool and hazy but I don't mind, I love this time of year. fall

Take care all!

Mary hearts wavegirl
"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin

#1128890 - 10/20/17 01:03 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47812
Loc: Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

We have beautiful weather in AL. Wish it would stay like this or even a little cooler. I managed to get Keoki out for a wander and then Sky and I walked for just a little bit. Home to feed everyone. Now waiting on the kitchen to clear out (son is feeding g'sons) and then I will make bread.

Joe, how did the games turn out?

Ana, have fun with the dolphins

Midgy, hope the day is not too long. What a blessing you are to the Bliss's.

Gail, have a great day.

Connie, thanks for the yummies. Have fun tonight.

Sorta, hope the outdoorsies aren't predicting anything dire. There are lots of cats in our neighborhood that seem to live down the storm drain. I'm not sure how that works, but I see them sprinting down there when the dogs and I come down the street (not that the dogs chase cats, but apparently they don't know that)

Mary, will you get to be out to enjoy the fall weather?
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

#1128921 - 10/20/17 03:52 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 28623
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree

The weekend came early...I took a half day off to relax at home

TGIF everyone wave2
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

#1128954 - 10/21/17 12:45 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Happy Birthday BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 76345
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Nighty night
Don't feed the Trolls


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