If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
~Abraham Lincoln~
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An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, so they decided to return to the little town where they first met.
They sat in a small coffee shop in the town and were telling the waitress about their love for each other and how they met at this same spot.
Sitting next to them was the local cop and he smiled as the old couple spoke.
After the waitress left the table, the old man said to his wife, 'Remember the first time we made love, it was up in that field across the road, when I put you against the fence.
Why don't we do it again for old times sake?' The wife giggled like crazy and said, 'Sure, why not.'
So off they went out the door and across to the field.
The cop smiled to himself, thinking how romantic this was and decided he better keep an eye on the couple so they didn't run into any harm.
The old couple walked to the field and as they approached the fence they began to undress.
The old man picked up his wife when they were naked and leaned her against the fence.
The cop was watching from the bushes and was surprised at what he saw.
With the vitality of youth, the wife bounced up and down excitedly, while the husband thrashed around like a wild man, then they both fell to the ground in exhaustion. Eventually, they stood up,shook themselves, and got dressed.
As they walked back towards the road, the cop stepped from his hiding spot and said, 'That is the most wonderful love making I have ever seen.
You must have been a wild couple when you were young.' 'not really,' said the old man, 'when we were young, that fence wasn't electric.'
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These are the names of the some romantic countries in the world.
H.O.L.L.A.N.D Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.
I.T.A.L.Y. I Trust And Love You.
L.I.B.Y.A. Love Is Beautiful; You Also.
F.R.A.N.C.E. Friendships Remain And Never Can End.
C.H.I.N.A. Come Here….. I Need Affection.
B.U.R.M.A. Between Us, Remember Me Always.
N.E.P.A.L. Never Ever Part As Lovers.
I.N.D.I.A. I Nearly Died In Adoration.
K.E.N.Y.A Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.
C.A.N.A.D.A. Cute And Naughty Action that developed into attraction
K.O.R.E.A. Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every adversity.
E.G.Y.P.T. Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!!
M.A.N.I.L.A. May All Nights Inspire Love Always.
P.E.R.U. Phorget (Forget) Everyone... Remember Us.
T.H.A.I.L.A.N.D. Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull.
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It is the Olympic men's figure skating. Out comes the Russian competitor, he skates around to some classical music in a slightly dull costume, performs some excellent leaps but without any great artistic feel for the music.
The Judges' scores read: Britain 5.8: Russia 5.9: United States 5.5: Ireland 6.0
Next comes the American competitor in a sparkling stars and stripes costume, skating to some rock and roll music. He gets the crowd clapping, but is not technically as good as the Russian. He slightly misses landing a triple Salchow and loses the center during a spin. But, artistically, it is a more satisfying performance.
The Judges' scores read: Britain 5.8: Russia 5.5: United States 5.9: Ireland 6.0
Finally out comes the Irish competitor wearing a tatty old donkey jacket, with his skates tied over his wellies. He reaches the ice, trips straight away and bangs his nose which starts bleeding. He tries to get up, staggers a few paces then slips again. He spends his entire 'routine' getting up then falling over again. Finally he crawls off the ice a tattered and bleeding mess.
The Judges' scores read: Britain 0.0: Russia 0.0: United States 0.0: Ireland 6.0
The other 3 judges turn to the Irish judge and demand in unison, "How the hell can you give that mess 6.0?!"
To which the Irish judge replies "You've gotta remember, it's [blip] slippery out there."
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Once upon a time, there was an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship approaching, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravado bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"
The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the mighty pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on deck recounting the triumph of earlier. One of them asked the Captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"
The Captain replied, "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat and marveled at the courage of such a manly man's man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the Captain and waited for his usual orders.
Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants."
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An English tourist went to Texas, He got off the bus in Fort Worth, and asked, "Where's a good place to eat?" A man said, "Right down the road is a men's club."
The man didn't realize they had a swimming pool, a work-out room, indoor squash, and racquetball.
He just walked to the restaurant door and said to the waitress, "Lady, bring me a steak and a coke."
The waitress brought out a mug that was 12 inches in diameter and 1 1/2 feet tall.
The man said, "I just wanted a coke, not the whole factory!"
She said, "Mister, this is Texas and everything's bigger in Texas."
Soon she came back with his steak, and it hung over all sides of a huge Sizzling platter.
He said, "Lady, I just wanted a steak, not the whole cow!"
She said, "Mister, this is Texas, and everything's bigger in Texas."
He finally finished his meal and asked the waitress, "Which way to the toilet?" She said, "It's down the hall, third door on the right."
The man absentmindedly turned into the third door on the left and, with one step, fell into the swimming pool.
"Help! Help!" he screamed. "Don't flush it!"
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
We had a beautiful 77 degree day here.
Missy really enjoyed being carted around the park.
She ain't heavy. She's my puppy.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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Good Morning Joe, Ana and all. Coffee, tea, and hot chocolate are ready.
