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#1134290 - 12/06/17 08:00 PM Happy Thump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 31953
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

~Mel Brooks~
````````````

When NASA first started sending up astronauts,
they discovered that their ball point pens would
not work in zero gravity.

To overcome this small problem, NASA scientists
spent three years and $7 million to develop a pen
that would write in zero gravity, upside down, on
almost any surface and at any temperature.

(guess that's why the Russians used a pencil)

````````

A Dinner Conversation That Went Wrong

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - - silence - - -

HUSBAND: "S**t!"

````````````````


When Santa Gets Annoyed


Dear Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care
specialist. How 'bout I send you a [blip] book so you can learn to read and
write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!

Santa

******

Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
kit, pony, and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid 'Francis' nowadays? What a fag name.

Santa

*******

Dear Santa,

I really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE Timmy

Timmy,

That whiney begging s**t may work with your folks, but that c**p don't
work up here. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa

*******

Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get in to our home?

Love,
Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself 'Marky.' That's why you're getting your
ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent
apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like
all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams!

Santa

******

Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the s**ts and carrots make the reindeer f**t in my face.
You want to be a kiss ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal.

Santa

******

Dear Santa,

I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please,
I really, really want a fire truck this year.
Love,
Joey

Dear Joey,

Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.

Santa

````````````````

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Drinks for all on me. That is including you, bartender."

The bartender follows the man's order and says, "That will be $42.50 please."

The drunk says he has no money, and the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night, the same drunk comes in and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again, the bartender follows the drunk's instructions and the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for everyone except the bartender.

The bartender says, "What, no drink for me?"

"Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."

`````````````

Good morning everyboomie. yay


Another day, another dollop of daisy. wink


Whatever that is. headscratch


We were in the mid 50s Wed. when it finally got there, and I have to admit I took to the couch like a bear in hibernation until after noon. I was waiting for a bit of sunshine which we finally did achieve at about 2:30. bravo


I took Missy and Beau to the park, and then back home, and after a little exercising, I hit the couch again. snicker


Thursday is going to be in the mid 40s, so I'm not sure what will be going down here......other than the temperature. duh


The dogs are pretty restless being cooped up inside, so I'm sure we'll be going parking. yes


After that, the world is fair game. woot


Have a happy day everyone.


joe
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1134311 - 12/06/17 09:47 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74215
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, it'll be 90 before you know it! lol Enjoy your park trip and whatever else the day brings your way!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1134335 - 12/07/17 04:43 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Online   happy
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22292
Loc: Marlborough USA
fall Good morning Joe, Ana and all. Joe enjoy whatever the day brings! Ana have a good one. Coffee , tea, and hot chocolate are ready to enjoy.
Wishing you all a Happy day! fall
_________________________
Gerry

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#1134343 - 12/07/17 06:45 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18124
Loc: Massachusetts
Morning Boomers: lab

Joe, have a great, cool day.

Ana, enjoy whatever the day brings.

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Connie, see you when you get here.

Long day at the Doc's today. Hoping to find out the results of everything. angel
_________________________
Gail

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#1134345 - 12/07/17 07:32 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 9959
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Thump Day. Gail, prayers all your test results are good. Danish, Eggs, Grits, BB Pancakes, Hash Browns, French Toast, Oatmeal, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. penguin
_________________________
Connie

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#1134377 - 12/07/17 11:39 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9364
Loc: San Diego, CA
COLD! Down to the high 40's last night and crisp, cold air this morning. Burrrrr. But the weather guys say it's going to be in the high 70' or low 80's today. I'll believe it when it happens.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1134396 - 12/07/17 02:32 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47238
Loc: Alabama
Gail, hope the results are good!

It's cold and rainy here. Finally had to turn on the heater...first time this year.
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1134419 - 12/07/17 06:53 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9364
Loc: San Diego, CA
San Diego fires: one is near Bonsall and Fallbrook about 50 miles from me, another is burning about 10 miles to the south in Mexico. We don't fight the Mexico fires until they spill across the border. Scary even so. Smoke to the North and South. Evacuations in the 'Lilac' fire up North and loads of kids evacuated from schools, and 2 casinos closed and evacuated. Winds gusting up to 80 mph. Very windy at my house, blowing down small dead tree branches and knocking over potted plants on my porches. Hate worrying but at least no fire near my area...yet.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#1134433 - 12/07/17 10:30 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47238
Loc: Alabama
Sorta, do you have a firebreak of sorts around your house?

I'm off to bed. Sweet dreams sleep
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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