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#1140307 - 02/01/18 08:15 PM TGIF
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32334
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

Buddha
``````

Son: What's the difference between love and marriage?

Father: Love is blind. Marriage is an eye opener.

````````

If I have to choose between a husband and shoes, I choose shoes. They tend to last longer and are easier to replace.

```````````

Man: “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”

Friend: “Why not?”

Man: “I don’t like to interrupt her.”

```````````

Wife: Do you want dinner?

Husband: Sure, what are my choices?

Wife: Yes and no.

```````````

Son: Dad, I’ve heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.

Father: Son, that's true everywhere.

```````````

This man was really lonely, so he posted an ad on a popular website. The ad said, simply: "Wife wanted."

He was surprised the next morning to find he had over a hundred replies in his inbox. Unfortunately, they all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

````````````

Every man wants a beautiful wife, a smart wife, a loving wife, a sexy wife, and a cooperative wife. Sadly, bigamy is against the law.

```````````

A retired rancher decided 
to go back to school. He made an appointment with the dean of admissions at a university.

The dean asked him, “Are you pursuing a bachelor’s degree?” The rancher replied, “I want to, but I can’t. I’m still married.”

``````````

If a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing — either the car is new or the wife is.

```````````

The party’s host paid me a great compliment. “You are a good-looking woman,” he said. “Honest—I’ve had only one beer.”

My glow was only slightly dimmed when my husband interjected, “Imagine how great she’ll look after two.”

`````````

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”

“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.

“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”

```````````

A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha­­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

````````

I once gave my husband the 
silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”

`````````

A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, “How many people here make love once a day?” Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. “Once a week?” A third of 
the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. “Once a month?” A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks, “OK, how about once a year?”

One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked—this disproves his theory. “If you make love only once a year,” he asks, “why are you so happy?”

The man yells, “Today’s the day!”

```````````

After i-messaging back and forth with my wife, I jokingly commanded Siri to pass along this message: “You need to get back to work now; you have a husband to support.”

Here’s what Siri sent: “You need 
to get back to work now; you have 
a has-been to support.”

``````````

My fiancé and I went to a counselor to work on our communication issues. Using herself as an example, the counselor crossed her legs and her arms and exhaled loudly. I was about to say she was showing signs of frustration, but my fiancé beat me to it, yelling, “I’ve got it! You’re constipated!”

```````````

After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies. Mine read, “Be quiet for a little while.” His read, “Talk while you have a chance.”

`````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Rise and shine Boomers it's GROUNDHOG DAY!!!!

Six more weeks of Winter or not?? hamster


Anyway here's one diner fresh out of the oven, and ready to read. woot


Thanks Soot. I do have Pandora on my phone. The free version. thumbsup


I listen to it every day at the park. bravo


Have a happy day everyone. rah

joe





Edited by gymcandy1 (02/01/18 09:41 PM)
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1140315 - 02/01/18 09:45 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75996
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Oh no, Joe! What a pain! Sounds like something I'd do! lol I really hope you can get around it!

I did my chores last night so once work is over I am free for the weekend! I haven't had a weekend "off" since before the holidays. Not sure what I will do, but I am sure I will love it!

Have a happy day all!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1140321 - 02/02/18 01:09 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 8039
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, as long as the day doesn't repeat, I'm fine either way. lol

Enjoy your free weekend, Ana! woot

It's Thursday night here. Tomorrow is day 1 of my three day weekend. happydance12 No plans yet except for a longer practice. I'm sure I'll find a game or two to play if nothing else. grin

Have a fantastic Friday, everyone. winter
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

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#1140331 - 02/02/18 06:29 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 23123
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and all. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready. Joe enjoy your day. Ana hope you relax and do whatever suits your fancy this weekend. Venus how nice you have a 3 day weekend to enjoy! A good day to stay home here - it's a snowy messy morning!
Wishing you all a Happy Day! happydance12
_________________________
Gerry

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#1140336 - 02/02/18 07:05 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10434
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great TGIF. Going to Karaoke tonight just not sure were yet, VFW or Eagles. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. winter
_________________________
Connie

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#1140345 - 02/02/18 09:04 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Morning everyone! winter

Joe, enjoy the day.

Ana, have a great weekend.

Venus, weekend looks good for you also.

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Connie, enjoy karaoke tonight and I'll have a Danish.

Wishing everyone a wonderful. peaceful day! happydance12
_________________________
Gail

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#1140347 - 02/02/18 09:47 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47735
Loc: Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Cold here today, but bright and shiny out there. Hubby made it home last night happydance

Boys will be here later, and daughter says little Leo is feeling better. Must say I don't remember hearing about RSV when my kids were little.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day wavegirl
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1140430 - 02/02/18 11:49 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75996
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Nighty night...
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1140432 - 02/03/18 12:15 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 8039
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep
_________________________
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

Top

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