“Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?”
–
~Tim VineI~
```````````
Husband takes his wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor dancing like a king –moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works. The wife turns to her husband and sighs: "You see that man? 25 years ago he asked me to marry him and I said no."
Husband says: "Looks like he’s still celebrating!!"
``````
Woman says to her fiancé: “When we’re married, we’ll have three kids. A brown-haired girl and two blonde boys.
-
Fiancé: “How can you tell with such precision?”
-
Woman: „Because I told my parents I’ll pick up the kids from them once we’re married.“
````````
Q. Why do men so often die before their wives do?
Because they want to.
``````
A real man always accompanies his wife to the train station when she leaves. What other way to make sure she’s actually gone?
````
Men perfectly understand other people. Provided those other people are men.
`````
Q. What do bacon and wives have in common?
A. They both look, smell and taste fantastic; they both also kill you slowly.
`````
Why does psychoanalysis work quicker with men than with women? Because when it's time to return to one’s childhood, the man is already there.
`````
A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, Roger, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her … Why can’t you do the same?”
“Are you mad? I don't even know the woman!”
``````
I was looking for that thing that peels potatoes, apples and carrots.
I’ve asked my kids if they had any idea. Apparently she left 2 days ago.
``````
1. You should have a woman who works at home, who cooks, keeps things tidy and has a job.
2. You should have a woman who can make you smile and laugh.
3. You should have a woman you can trust, a woman who never lies to you.
4. You should have a woman who is good in bed and enjoys spending time with you.
5. And you should always, always keep these four women from ever meeting each other.
```````
Good morning everyboomie.
Hump Day already?
These days are all starting to look alike.
I've been walking around for two days thinking it's the weekend.
Oops, got a little doggie wanting attention.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
The plumber can't get here soon enough. 
Hope your dog gets plenty of attention. 
