“They don’t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.”
–
~Bill Murray~
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A farmer needs to know how many sheep he has in his field. He calls his German Shepherd dog to count them for him. The dog runs off, counts the sheep and returns to the farmer.
"How many?" asks the farmer. "40," replies the dog. The farmer is startled and says, "What do you mean, 40 - I only bought 37!" The dog shrugs, "I rounded them up."
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Child: “Mom, I have a good and a bad news.”
Mother: “OK, start with the good one.”
Child: “I scored an A in the math test.”
Mother: “That’s awesome Lisa! And what’s the bad news?”
Child: “That this was only a joke.”
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Lilly bursts into the house from the garden and tells her mom out of breath: “Mom, mom, I accidentally knocked over the big ladder that was leaning against the house!”
Mother says, “Well go get daddy, he’ll help you put it back.”
Lilly hops on the spot, “But I can’t, he’s still hanging onto the gutter!”
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A school proudly installs a long row of coat pegs on the wall, with a sign on the last five: ONLY FOR TEACHERS.
The next day somebody adds: BUT CAN ALSO BE USED FOR COATS.
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Why do teachers hate playing hide and seek? Because nobody is ever looking for them.
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“Waiter, there’s a fly twitching in my soup!”
“And what do you expect for the price? A ballet?!”
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What is red and flies through the air?
A tomato in a helicopter.
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Miles sits down in a mountain restaurant’s garden and orders a Coke. But when the waiter comes, he brings him 3 Cokes. “But I’ve just ordered one?” says Miles to the waiter.
“I’m very sorry, we get that problem all the time, sir. It’s the darned echo.”
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Why is it that bicycles fall over so often?
-
They are two-tired.
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Q: What is worse than having a roaring T-Rex following you?
A: Having two roaring T-Rexes following you.
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Why did Harry the dumb policeman always carry a pair of scissors?
To be able to cut off a suspect’s escape route.
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A little boy stands in front of a house and cries. A guy sees him and asks, “Why all the crying, little guy?”
“I can’t reach the doorbell.”
The man rings the bell for him and smiles at the boy. The boy smiles back at him and says, “Great, and now we just have to run away very quickly!”
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Freddie says to his dad: “When I’m a grown-up, I’m going to marry Grandma!”
Father smiles, “Come on, you can’t marry my mom.”
“And why not, you married mine? “
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Teacher tells Maia, “Name me three African animals.”
Maia: “One lion and two giraffes.”
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Good morning everyboomie.
Happy Pre-Hump Day!
That's funny, it seems like a Monday to me for some reason.
Ah boy, another day in the life.
Well I have nothing going today. I hope your day will be more exciting than that.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Hope you find something fun to do.
Dinner, Dancing, and Karaoke tonight at 8-8 Panda. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, Sausage, and French Toast in the NC. 
