“I tell you what always catches my eye. Short people with an umbrella.”
– Gary Delaney
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Yeah, it’s all fun about the rednecks – until the zombie apocalypse. Then you need them.
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Q: How did the redneck die from drinking milk?
A: The cow lay down.
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Redneck: I like to eat my tacos over a tortilla. When stuff falls out, BOOM, I have a burrito.
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How many rednecks does it take eat a possum? Two. One to eat, the other one to watch out for cars.
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Q: What does a bottle of beer and a redneck have in common?
A: Nothing in there from the neck up.
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Q: What do you have when you get 28 rednecks in one trailer?
A: A complete set of teeth.
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Want to get a redneck in a fit of rage?
Say you’ve lost all his meth.
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Redneck’s famous last words?
“You hold mah beer and watch this!”
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Q: Why are redneck murders the toughest to crack?
A: Highly matching DNA in all suspects and no dental records.
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Son: "Is this insecticide good for mosquitos?"
–
Dad: "Not at all, it kills them!"
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“I’ll call you later!”
-
“Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”
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“Are you alright dad?”'
“Actually, technically, I’m half left and half right.”
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"Hey dad how was your weekend?" - "Light, dark, light, dark, Monday."
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Dad to his son: "I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and dumb.
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"Daughter to her dad: "What is it?"
-
Dad: “It” is a pronoun.
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You: “So, dad, I was thinking…”
Dad: “Ohhhh.....ok. I wondered what that high-pitched grinding sound was!”
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Dad: Would you like to hear a construction joke?
[Yes]
Dad: Well I’m still working on it.
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"We drove past a city cemetery and my dad remarked, “Do you know why I can’t be buried here, boy?”
“Why?”
“Because I’m still alive.”
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Dad: I have a very secure job. There’s nobody else who would want it.
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Dad, I’m hungry!”
“Oh hello Hungry, I’m Dad!”
“But I’m really hungry!”
“And I’m really Dad.”
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Daughter: “How do I look, daddy?!”
Dad: “With your eyes, sweetheart.”
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Dad, I’m cold!
Go to the corner, son, there’s 90 degrees.
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When somebody asks my dad how he feels, he always replies, „With my hands.“
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Stop whining, you will never be the man your mother is.
`````
Father: Do you know the joke from the 3rd floor?
-
Son: “No,”
-
Father: Me neither, I was on the 2nd floor at the time.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Another day, another 24 hours.
It's a good thing too. The last 24 was just about worn plumb out.
We had a good time though, didn't we Missy?
She said "Yippee!"
She's usually not so talkative.
She's demanding in other ways though.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
