Honolulu – it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.
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Ken Dodd
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Two walls arrange a date – “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
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“Dad, can you make me a sandwich, please?”
Dad: “Abrakadabra, you are now a sandwich!”
"MOM!"
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The phone rings.
Dad: What does the caller ID say?
Mom: Private caller.
Dad: Don't answer that. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher.
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We only had 4 candles for my cake when I turned 15. My Dad said: “It’s fine. We’ll use them. It is 4 your birthday, anyway.”
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“Daddy, what is an alcoholic?”
“Do you see those 4 trees, son? An alcoholic would see 8 trees.”
“Um, Dad - there are only 2 trees.”
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“Dad, can you call mom’s phone? She can’t find it.”
“Absolutely! ‘Mom’s phone! Mom’s phone!’”
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Did you hear about the new movie constipation? It hasn’t come out yet.
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I told my dad that he should embrace his mistakes. He had tears in his eyes. Then he hugged my sister and me.
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What do you call a sheep without legs?
A cloud.
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Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the border? Me neither, I couldn’t follow it.
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Did you know that UPS and Fedex are going into a merger? They will be called Fed-Ups now.
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Dad: I love my rock-hard, honed six-pack so much I protect it with a good layer of lard."
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"Dad you look tired."
"Oh, you mean the dark circles under my eyes? Those are the shadows of my great deeds."
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My dad’s typical compliment to when I’ve done something good – Wow, you’re a [blip] smeller! I mean you are a smart feller!”
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Two balloons fly through the desert. One yells at the other, “Be careful there is a pffffftttt”
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I wanted to wear my camouflage jeans today but I just couldn’t find them.
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Dad - Could you call me a taxi, please?
-
As you wish, dear taxi.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
So I guess if Fed-Ups merged with 7-Up we have Fed-Up-7 Times?
Well I mowed half the lawn yesterday evening, but I didn't care to do the other half this evening, so I guess I'll do it in the morning when it's only 80 degrees.
I'd better get myself to bed then. I have to get up at 3:00am.
Missy doesn't seem to mind the heat.
Working on a way to train her to mow the yard.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
Sorry you have to get up so early, though. Training Missy to mow the lawn is a great idea. I've tried to get my cats to go to work for me, but they haven't seemed overly enthusiastic about it yet. 
I got in a good amount of practice today, so I should be prepared. 
Wishing you all a Happy saturday! 
