“Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.” —Anne Geddes
“There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.’” —Jim Gaffigan
“My father would lift me high / And dance with my mother and me and then / Spin me around til I fell asleep / Then up the stairs he would carry me / And I knew for sure I was loved.” —Luther Vandross
“Now my house is filled with the warm sounds of babies crying. You should see when my friends show up and see me change a diaper, the laughter that comes from them. I go, ‘I know, I know.’ I’ve given them so much s–t for so many years, I deserve every bit of it.” —George Clooney
“I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.” —Harry S. Truman
“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: he believed in me.” —Jim Valvano
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I went to choir practice. My dad told me not to forget a bucket. I asked why. Dad said, “You’ll need something to carry your tune.”
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Dad to his daughter: "Never forget, sweetie, you're unique, like everyone else."
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Son: “Am I adopted?”
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Dad: “Not yet, it seems nobody is interested.“
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Jon: What’s the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot’s father?
Tom: What?
Jon: One’s a pop fly. The other’s a fly pop.
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Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking?
Voice: This is my father.
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Johnny’s father: Let me see your report card.
Johnny: I don’t have it.
Johnny’s father: Why not?
Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.
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Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy.
“Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied.
After dinner the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
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A small boy was at the zoo with his father. They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were.
“Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…”
“Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to reassure him.
“ …Which bus would I take home?”
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Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?
Science student: When my father sees my report card!
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Joe: What does your father do for a living?
Jon: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.
Joe: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Jon: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
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Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”
“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”
A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”
“That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”
A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”
“That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”
The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask.
“I work for 7 Up!”
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Son: For $20, I’ll be good.
Dad: Oh, yeah? When I was your age, I was good for nothing.
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Pee Wee: What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice?
Westy: Beats me.
Pee Wee: A POPsicle!
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Dad: How do you like fourth grade?
Son: It isn’t much fun.
Dad: That’s too bad. It was the best three years of my life!
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Son: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephants?
Dad: No.
Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!
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Jacob: I have a lot of my dad’s genes.
Dave: Really? I bet they don’t fit.
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Dan: I made a bad mistake today and gave my dad some soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast.
Jan: Was he mad?
Dan: Yeah. He was foaming at the mouth!
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Manny: How do you like the drum set you got for your birthday?
Theo: I love it!
Manny: Why?
Theo: Whenever I don’t play it, my dad gives me 10 bucks!
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Dad: Son, if you keep pulling my hair, you will have to get off my shoulders.
Tiger Cub: But, Dad, I’m just trying to get my gum back!
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Dear Dad,
$chool i$ great. I’m making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, Your $on
Dear Son,
I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad
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Good morning everyboomie.
I hope you all have a great day today, especially all you DADS out there.
joe
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Enjoy your day! 
This isn't the first time the internet's gone out recently, but it's the first time it happened at night. Usually, it happens sometime in the afternoon. As soon as the contract is up, I'm changing service providers.
